How can I stop thinking about an unavailable girl I like

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Joined: 28 Apr 2013
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 301

25 Oct 2014, 4:03 am

This has been a bit of a pattern in my life

I like this girl because ages ago she was showing signs that she liked me. I don't fall for girls unless they like me at least a little. It's when I see the signs that I start to think about them as a potential partner. Trouble is she has a boyfriend and obviously decided its best to stay with him and now she is not so much interested in me anymore.

So why can't I stop thinking about her? Even when other girls show me interest, its her that I care about because now I have effort invested in getting to know her and not these other girls who might be showing signs. I know its bad and I wish I didn't care about her because she probably doesn't care about me.

Why does this happen? Is it an aspergers thing? Why is it so hard for me to switch my attentions to another girl who might actually be available? It's like I have to drag this out to the bitter end. It's like I have to wait for my attraction to the first girl to naturally disappear before I can be attracted to any other girl. And this seems to take me a very long time indeed.

Are people with aspergers even capable of cheating? I think if I ever got into a relationship with someone I liked, then I would never find anyone else attractive until I stopped finding my partner attractive. This seems to be different from the way NTs behave, like the girl I talked about who has a boyfriend but briefly liked me as well.

And the worst thing is when I'm infatuated with these unavailable girls, I miss chances with other girls who probably are available. So I know its best to forget about them and move on. Why can't I do it then?


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Joined: 27 Mar 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,808
Location: Eyjafjallajökull

25 Oct 2014, 4:32 am

You can't stop thinking about her because thinking about her is a pleasant experience. We like to do things that make happy endorphines rush round our body. And quiet frankly, that's normal. Although I find the thinking about the person I like buzz is similar to the buzz I get when researching a special interest, so it could be more difficult to let go due to aspergers.

You need to find something else enjoyable to do to fill your time instead. Maybe try sometime new. Have you always wanted to try a new hobby and kept putting it off? Now is the time to give it a go.

I love your Vivienne Westwood shirt
Why won't you let me wear it?


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Joined: 3 Nov 2013
Age: 56
Gender: Male
Posts: 534
Location: Illinois

25 Oct 2014, 8:22 am

You can't stop thinking about her, and girls in general, because if you could, the world wouldn't have over 6 billion people in it. That is to say, your testicles own you.

I have never cheated on my wife, so yes it is possible.

In high school I was infatuated with a certain girl that I never got the courage to ask out, and then some other guy did.