Women possibly ARE interested, but you can't see it?

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yellowtamarin
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02 Nov 2014, 2:41 am

sly279 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
again its easier for a woman to just ask if it's a date. if a guy does that it says that he "lacks confidence" we are expected to either know it is or it isn't a date. If I ask I know appear unconfident and ruined the moment.

Really? I've been told I'm brave for doing it. I just wanna know. Keep it simple and straightforward. This isn't in person though, I can't recall ever being asked out in person so I don't know what I would do.


you're a woman though. men seem to be far less concerned with confidence then women are. most women list men having to have confidence in what makes a man a good catch. so I can see how it would seem brave if a woman does it but unconfident if a guy does it. though its assumed the guy asks the woman out in most cases which just adds to it.

So are you saying that you think the perception is that if a woman asks for clarification, it is being confident, and if a man does it, it is lacking confidence? Interesting...



sly279
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02 Nov 2014, 3:07 am

yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
sly279 wrote:
again its easier for a woman to just ask if it's a date. if a guy does that it says that he "lacks confidence" we are expected to either know it is or it isn't a date. If I ask I know appear unconfident and ruined the moment.

Really? I've been told I'm brave for doing it. I just wanna know. Keep it simple and straightforward. This isn't in person though, I can't recall ever being asked out in person so I don't know what I would do.


you're a woman though. men seem to be far less concerned with confidence then women are. most women list men having to have confidence in what makes a man a good catch. so I can see how it would seem brave if a woman does it but unconfident if a guy does it. though its assumed the guy asks the woman out in most cases which just adds to it.

So are you saying that you think the perception is that if a woman asks for clarification, it is being confident, and if a man does it, it is lacking confidence? Interesting...


wouldn't say confident but brave though I supose to some they might be the same thing in some situations. but yeah asking if its a date is seen as lacking confidence if its a guy. along with other questions. this has been what many women have told me and advised me about



CynicalWaffle
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02 Nov 2014, 8:33 am

It's very much like sly says. A guy asks a woman if it's a date= appears unconfident= attraction level plummets. It's the opposite for a woman asking a man that question, because as said before, men don't give two s**ts about confidence.



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02 Nov 2014, 12:55 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
It's very much like sly says. A guy asks a woman if it's a date= appears unconfident= attraction level plummets. It's the opposite for a woman asking a man that question, because as said before, men don't give two s**ts about confidence.


This depends on which woman you ask and which guy is doing the asking.
You guys keep insisting on talking about women like they're a monolith but I know there'd be some butthurt if women were making the same sweeping generalizations over men.

Additionally, some men especially really traditionalist men, would find a woman asking them for a date too forward and be put off by it.


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02 Nov 2014, 2:04 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
It's very much like sly says. A guy asks a woman if it's a date= appears unconfident= attraction level plummets. It's the opposite for a woman asking a man that question, because as said before, men don't give two s**ts about confidence.


This depends on which woman you ask and which guy is doing the asking.
You guys keep insisting on talking about women like they're a monolith but I know there'd be some butthurt if women were making the same sweeping generalizations over men.

Additionally, some men especially really traditionalist men, would find a woman asking them for a date too forward and be put off by it.


I'd be overjoyed if a girl asked me out.


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Jono
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02 Nov 2014, 2:07 pm

yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Back to the original question, in addition to the "saw signals but couldn't interpret them/misinterpreted as friendly" scenario I'll add another: there may be people throwing themselves at you AND you can see they're interested, but you don't fancy them in return. Meanwhile, the people you DO fancy aren't interested in you.


It's often this scenario rather than missing signs.

Hopefully people who have been in this situation don't complain that nobody likes them though :?


Just one point. I actually agree with yellowtamarin on the main point of this thread and I've argued about it with Boo before. I have personally experienced missing signs from women (and girls if you include the ones from high school) and I had only realised after the fact that they were interested, so I never initiated anything with them even though I might also of been interested in them at the time.



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02 Nov 2014, 2:13 pm

Butterfiend wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
It's very much like sly says. A guy asks a woman if it's a date= appears unconfident= attraction level plummets. It's the opposite for a woman asking a man that question, because as said before, men don't give two s**ts about confidence.


This depends on which woman you ask and which guy is doing the asking.
You guys keep insisting on talking about women like they're a monolith but I know there'd be some butthurt if women were making the same sweeping generalizations over men.

Additionally, some men especially really traditionalist men, would find a woman asking them for a date too forward and be put off by it.


I'd be overjoyed if a girl asked me out.


Me too, but we're not 'all men'.


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CynicalWaffle
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02 Nov 2014, 2:30 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
It's very much like sly says. A guy asks a woman if it's a date= appears unconfident= attraction level plummets. It's the opposite for a woman asking a man that question, because as said before, men don't give two s**ts about confidence.


This depends on which woman you ask and which guy is doing the asking.
You guys keep insisting on talking about women like they're a monolith but I know there'd be some butthurt if women were making the same sweeping generalizations over men.

Additionally, some men especially really traditionalist men, would find a woman asking them for a date too forward and be put off by it.


Listen, why don't you go hit up a shy girl and talk to her for a while and get to the point where you're about to date and then ask if you're dating, and then do the same for a woman who has the opposite personality. I guaran-damn-tee you that they will both be like "what's with this dude? Is he lame or what?

Go on, I dare you.

And very, very few men would find that forward these days, because of all the pressure put on men in the first place.



funeralxempire
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02 Nov 2014, 2:50 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
Listen, why don't you go hit up a shy girl and talk to her for a while and get to the point where you're about to date and then ask if you're dating, and then do the same for a woman who has the opposite personality. I guaran-damn-tee you that they will both be like "what's with this dude? Is he lame or what?

Go on, I dare you.

And very, very few men would find that forward these days, because of all the pressure put on men in the first place.


My girlfriend would be quite upset if I started trying to make dates with multiple other women to test your hypothesis. :wink:


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sly279
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03 Nov 2014, 1:54 am

funeralxempire wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
It's very much like sly says. A guy asks a woman if it's a date= appears unconfident= attraction level plummets. It's the opposite for a woman asking a man that question, because as said before, men don't give two s**ts about confidence.


This depends on which woman you ask and which guy is doing the asking.
You guys keep insisting on talking about women like they're a monolith but I know there'd be some butthurt if women were making the same sweeping generalizations over men.

Additionally, some men especially really traditionalist men, would find a woman asking them for a date too forward and be put off by it.


never meet or heard from any woman that says confidence isn't important in men. it seems to be one of the few things women can pretty much all agree on. confidence in men =attractive. advice women give almost always mentions be confident. or show confidence. most will list confidence as one of the important things they like in guys.

however you hear few guys mention wanting or needing it in women. this could be cause guys might care more about looks, but so do women.
but everyone can't be confident all the time. so its a matter of faking it most of the time.

I think it's a hold over from the past that won't go away. confident man= well off, protective, strong, etc.



yellowtamarin
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03 Nov 2014, 2:54 am

sly279 wrote:
never meet or heard from any woman that says confidence isn't important in men.

Confidence isn't important in men.



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03 Nov 2014, 4:26 am

No just no women aren't interested at all!


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03 Nov 2014, 8:14 am

Confidence isn't important in men.
In fact, I find confident men frightening in a used-car-salesman kind of way.



funeralxempire
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03 Nov 2014, 11:40 am

sly279 wrote:
never meet or heard from any woman that says confidence isn't important in men. it seems to be one of the few things women can pretty much all agree on. confidence in men =attractive. advice women give almost always mentions be confident. or show confidence. most will list confidence as one of the important things they like in guys.


YippySkippy wrote:
Confidence isn't important in men.
In fact, I find confident men frightening in a used-car-salesman kind of way.


yellowtamarin wrote:
Confidence isn't important in men.


Now it seems you've met at least two woman who disagree that confidence is important in men. While this certainly doesn't qualify as a formal survey of women, it's unlikely they're the only two who feel this way.


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MXH
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03 Nov 2014, 1:55 pm

I'd like to think that it's better that no one be interested than having secret interests.



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03 Nov 2014, 4:03 pm

Jono wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
Back to the original question, in addition to the "saw signals but couldn't interpret them/misinterpreted as friendly" scenario I'll add another: there may be people throwing themselves at you AND you can see they're interested, but you don't fancy them in return. Meanwhile, the people you DO fancy aren't interested in you.


It's often this scenario rather than missing signs.

Hopefully people who have been in this situation don't complain that nobody likes them though :?


Just one point. I actually agree with yellowtamarin on the main point of this thread and I've argued about it with Boo before. I have personally experienced missing signs from women (and girls if you include the ones from high school) and I had only realised after the fact that they were interested, so I never initiated anything with them even though I might also of been interested in them at the time.


When I was in 2nd year of college I've received an anonymous phone call from a "secret admirer" - I recall it was around midnight and it was in the middle of summer after; and all my few friends back then were male and didn't find any meaningful friendship with any female in college - so I was really suspicious of her. She started her line with "Samer (my name), I am <an> admirer", when I have asked about her name she was like "I am <an> admirer" (there's no an in arabic) and I was like "Your name is admirer?", she giggled like the silly person she is, and when I questioned from where she knows me at least she dodged it.
I've told my friend about her and he was like "she's a prankster" - turned out he's right, after few weeks of this call I've received another call starting with the same line "Samer, I am an Admirer" - same silly voice too ; I was like "aren't you the same admirer who called few weeks ago"? And she was like "nooo" "you probably have a lot of admirers" - so yeah, she was obviously a troll.

Jono, real admirers self-reveal in one way or another, if they don't, then you were a just casual passing slight crush that probably happened 1000s of times in their lifetimes. They don't simply reveal themselves with subtle body signs, no, but with....frequency of little things they do .... not just "tic tic tic" of little things - but " tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic tic ...etc" during a short time frame; It's hard to explain concretely.



Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 04 Nov 2014, 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.