Women possibly ARE interested, but you can't see it?

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^ I'd go on a date with someone I had a slight "crush" on as you describe it. Are you saying that because it was only a slight crush, that if he asked her out she'd say no? Slight interest can turn into disinterest just due to no positive response from the other person. If the other person responds positively, it can develop into something more. That's how all this stuff works! Not all (or many, if any) relationships are based on "Boom! I'm totally in love with you from day one! Let's do this!"

The slight crush is an open door that's closing, if you miss that door, it will close.

The trouble is that some of us are static and when we develop attraction, it can last for a long time when compared to many people that are dynamic, crushes for them are fleeting. If you don't seize the moment by reading the signals, they will take it as a sign of disinterest.

Yes, also many women lack confidence/self-esteem, and that can be a reason for quickly taking lack of signals as disinterest. They don't have the confidence to persist without apparent reciprocation, and will deliberately reduce their interest level.

Slight crushes are weak (and often delusional) and often competed by other crushes; and they are not always faded due to lack of response as they can be turned off instantly by the slightest fault; there's no minimal bond of any kind.

The other kind I am talking about is not love from first sight, that's silly.

But still, even if those crushes may lead to something good, I highly doubt that the males here have garnered a lot of secret crushes; only the good-looking popular highschool dudes at school/college/work get a lot of these; yes we may have missed one or two crushes in the past but chances to turn to something were low anyway - mostly due to this low number.

A male having a lot of secret crushes means = a desirable male; which means, he would have less difficulty to attract females, will receive more interest, more likely to get a yes when asking out a girl, more likely to receive responses on dating sites, more likely to get past the 2nd date....etc.

Which isn't the case for most guys here at all.

I haven't had a crush on the "hot/popular" guy since high school. Plenty of times since those days I've been interested in a guy and nothing has happened. I don't think it's delusional for me to presume that all of the following have occurred:

- I was interested, he knew I was, but he was not interested
- I was interested, he knew I was, and he was interested
- I was interested, he didn't know I was, and he was not interested
- I was interested, he didn't know I was, but he was interested

These are things that happen in life, and not only to the jocks. Including the last two scenarios. They happen. And I'm not saying they happen to absolutely everyone. I'm putting it out there as a possibility for those who say "nobody likes me". If they can't see interest, they can't see it. I have no solution as to how they can fix this, but I'm simply suggesting they should be open to the idea that it's possible they could be wrong.

Changing that one seemingly small thing about one's attitude can, I believe, have huge positive consequences.

Except on Valentine's Day, when it's kind of tradition to not reveal yourself so that people have to guess who the person is. Also, not all women will automatically reveal themselves, some are shy and won't tell you directly, besides the fact that it's actually the men who are generally expected to be the ones to be able to just tell who is interested in them as well as the ones who are expected to take the initiative.

I know you're trying to encourage.

But I don't think what you're saying reflect the realities of the loners here.

V day is just one day.

In my life's cases, they were all the shy type - yet eventually things became very very obvious - without any requirement of body language reading ability.

I don't understand what you mean by becoming obvious. Even when they were behaving differently around me, being nice to me in way that they wouldn't be to others, I still wouldn't noticed and I would never of noticed unless they directly told me. Short of them actually being forward and asking me directly if I wanted to date them, I would never of noticed.

I actually had to have my psychologist showing me pictures of facial expressions in magazines because I simply could not even read facial expressions, even to whether they indicated that people were happy or sad for goodness sake. So, what makes you think that I would know whether people were interested in me or had a crush on me. The body language and facial expressions for that are even more complicated. It's not simply a case of non-verbal cues becoming obvious because at that time, I actually did not read any non-verbal cues at all.

Just to give an example, Boo. What you said here, most women will not do the first 2 things if they haven't started dating you yet anyway. As for being eager to introduce you to her friends or wanting to join your activities, I would of simply interpreted those things as being nice, not that she's interested in dating me. Also, there were no cellphones or teenagers didn't have them when I was high school, so there was no texting then anyway. What they did instead was write each other letters and notes if they had boyfriend and girlfriend.

You have to keep in mind when a women tries to nurture you, much like she does to a child who is failing at a sport or some other hobby, she is going to try to nurture the illusion of competence, in order to encourage the child, while it's a good gesture, it's merely an illusion. this is contrasted in how the father expects tangible results while the mother's love is unconditional.

Plus words are cheap; what people do and what people say are often entirely different things.

I'd say most of the guys in these forums needs to be aware of this, and then identify these situations, while the gesture is obviously nice on part of the woman, it isn't real. Not a slight towards any of the aforementioned women, but it's something that a male needs to be very aware of, because its reliance on an illusion.

A male who lacks confidence, as these forums are surely swamped with, are quite aware of the life of loneliness that they lead, that is the proof most of them need in order to verify the reality, and just how important confidence is.

Ding ding ding. Klowglas nailed it shut and buried it all in the same post.

I agree. I think a lot of confidence can be a sign that the person is a sociopath and I try to stay away from them if I can.

I think confidence is required by someone at some point when it comes to making a move, otherwise nothing will happen. But as an overall temperament, it is honestly not an important quality to me. Men lacking confidence may be lonely because they don't get out there and do things and get noticed. That says nothing about what a women is looking for in him as a partner, it's just an unfortunate consequence in the initiating phase.

This has been discussed at length in this old thread: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt204196.html

its not what most women say on dating sites or craigslist. they list that the guy should have or be confidence/confident.
course that can be different things to different people.

Confidence is built off of good experience or it would seem to be arrogance.
I both do and don't have it. I apparently can come off as quite confidence when meeting people at work or going on a date after having talked via messages first.
but if you ask my closet friends they would say I lack confidence. cause I have anxiety issues. I worry a lot and 2nd guess stuff a lot to my close friends I open up about this stuff and seek advice, in exchange i'm labeled as lacking confidence.

where I have confidence in is , firearms, military info, video games, history. all things I have either had positive experiences in or gather tons of information on. seems unfair to expect men to have confidence in interacting with women via dates, when they haven't done such things before. so what you get instead is faking it or arrogance.

as to those women here who say it isn't I wonder if you would say differently if I wasnt a guy you aren't interested in or have the possibility in dating.

I might not care if a plummer has confidence in his work but if it's my plummer I dam will care if he does.

I doubt I'll ever have the confidence women on sites want in a guy. I have anxiety so I will always worry and double check things. rather then just having confidence that I am right and will succeed no matter what. seems that kind of thought process would lead guys to kiss/sex girls who don't want it cause they are confident that the girl does want it.

hate the word really. if I ever become a world leader I will move to wipe it from the dictionary of my nation.

Yes, confidence *is* a natural result of competence at something.

Say, a math nerd guy who has always took A++ on math exams and always did the problems on board correctly,, he will be confident enough to raise his hand everytime there's a math problem to be solved on board. However, if this same guy sucks at sport, he would shy away from these activities, or when the instructor asks for a volunteer for something.

It is basically IMPOSSIBLE for a human to be confident in every aspect of life.

When women say "oh, I want a confident man" - this is a code that means subconsciously "I want a man who is competent in dating women therefore not afraid to talk with me", they usually mean social confidence more than anything else.