Parents called out police two days in a row

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The first call out was yesterday. Basically went into massive meltdown mode for a couple of hours. My parents triggered it; the background would take an essay to explain, so I won't right now. The first hour was screaming and crying at the top of my lungs, then I progessed to chucking everything except the kitchen sink across the kitchen - bowls, cookery books, fruit, etc. My dad called the police. I tried to leave, but he'd taken my house/car keys (and lied about it as well). I hurled every single book in the hallway onto the floor and a few more things besides.

The scene of devastation was obvious and undeniable. When the police arrived, I literally pleaded with them to take me away, but they wouldn't do it. Had to go back inside the house, where I was interviewed by the female officer. She said she was video-recording the whole thing. Whereas I was almost mute, in the other room my dad had no problems expounding loudly to the male officer. I then did some cleaning up for a while - putting the books back on the bookcase, picking up the crap off the kitchen floor, etc. A GP came round (not my regular one; he's away unfortunately). There was talk about taking me to a hotel for the night, but they eventually decided it was safe to leave me. The female officer warned me not to think I had "got away with it" (the thought had never even crossed my mind; I hardly felt jubilant) and that if my parents called again, they would take "further action".

The evening passed without incident. Got very little sleep. Went to see the GP this morning; she got in touch with the autism team and two women came round to visit me. That went okay. They were nice, and took the things I said about my dad seriously. They laughed when I talked about the female officer, saying I could hardly be arrested for throwing things in my own home. Unfortunately, I think I can be.

I had another meltdown this evening which was far, far less intense than the one yesterday, but which got my dad straight on the phone to the police anyway. I was banging repeatedly on an old, discarded mattress which should have been chucked out months ago. No screaming or shouting. Well, not until my mum came upstairs and told me if I didn't stop my dad would call the police. Yeah, that really calmed me down - not. Carried on banging the mattress, then yelled some hurtful stuff at my mum. Two more police came round - different ones to the ones yesterday. One came upstairs to my bedroom. I agreed for him to come in, but regretted it once he started making personal comments about almost every single item in the room (electronics, meds, glass bottle [no, it wasn't beer, it was cherry coke]). Bit like the female officer, he gave me a warning lecture before he left for me to not get out of line, otherwise I could be taken away into a bad place with horrible people, etc.

In case you haven't worked it out yet, I've got anger issues. They don't usually get this much out of line, but they've also been building up for a very long time. I have so much rage against my family - my dad especially - it's untrue. I am doing my best to move out of home, but it's a slow process which could take months and months. In the meantime, I need to try to control my rage around my parents before I end up a police cell, proper.

Sorry for wall of text. Tried to be brief, but didn't really succeed...

I understand. BIG HUG.

Thank you, skibum. Hugs back to you (even with internet hugs, I feel socially awkward... >.>)

I'm going back to being in a state of near constant tension. Almost tempted to try and source some medical marijuana! Have tried so many antidepressants, I've literally gone full circle back to the SSRIs (on 40mg citalopram currently). Benzodiazepines don't really help either. Getting a bit desperate to blot out reality here, at least while I am still living with my parents.

i would have called the police the first time. you could have really wrecked things up with all the throwing, but pounding a mattress is a safe, sane way to let off steam. they should have left you alone. they aren't the most logical, supportive people on the planet, are they? maybe ask them if they'd agree to let you pound the mattress in the future. everyone needs options. some other defusers are screaming into a pillow instead of boiling over and writing a nasty letter you then rip up and throw away instead of doing a slow burn. repeat as necessary.

Aww, I can feel your hug through the screen and it's not awkward at all. It's a great one.

I agree that your parents need to let you have an outlet. We all need that and mattresses and pillows are awesome. Maybe your GP can tell them and help them understand.

Try to get some rest. You must be very exhausted from all of this.

My parents are incapable of dealing with my anger in any shape or form. My dad has his own anger problems, which has resulted in him pummeling me several times in the past few years. I think he is finally scared enough of me to not physically hit me anymore (I should add, I've never hit or thrown anything at either parent). But just to make certain he never does, I told him tonight that if he ever hit me again I'd be on the phone to the police so fast it'd make his head spin. (No response to that, but I know he heard me.)

My mum doesn't hit me, but apart from that she ain't much better than my dad really. For a woman who has managed to tell me over and over I have no "psychology" when it comes to my dad, she sure doesn't seem to use the same psychology when it comes to me. She knows my triggers and she doesn't care less; just gets self-righteously huffy instead.

It's not like I think I'm perfect. But neither of my parents will take an iota of responsibility for anything to do with me; it's always solely my fault: I "provoked" my dad, I'm being "unreasonable"; they have "done everything they possibly could to help me"; yada yada. I've also became way too dependent on my mum. Basically I've been living in an isolated bubble for years and years, without quite realising the extent or the seriousness of it.

Sorry for another ramble. Least it's shorter than the opening post... :-/

@skibum - Just seen your post, in "topic review". Nah, I really am awkward when it comes to hugs... >.>

I am gonna go to bed now. It's stupidly late here in the UK, but I rarely get to bed before 3am anyway... (Not good, I know. I plan to try to rectify that when I move out.) Goodnight folks - take care. Hopefully I'll get a bit more sleep than the previous night...

Good night Dear. I hope you can manage some good sleep.

if he ever hits you again, please DO call the police. good for you knowing that their skewed view of the situation isn't reality. looking forward to hearing that you've got your own place. hope you sleep okay.

Your parents are stupid for thinking that threatening you with the police is going to curb meltdowns; they're not under conscious control, and we don't have them deliberately just to spite the people around us. How long until you can move out and get your own space?

I understand. I've had threats of police or being sent to an institution during meltdowns as well. I don't know why they seem to think it will make any sort of difference. As said by StarTrekker , it isn't a conscious decision we make.

Definitely GET HELP if your father ever hits you again, that's awful.

I wish I had more to tell you, but I'm exhausted. I wish you the best of luck on moving out and all. *sends cyber cup of tea* I see you don't like hugs, even cyber ones, so I just sent you a cyber cup of tea, which I think you'll probably like more than a hug, based on your username.

IAmTheCatalyst - I do, indeed, like a nice cup of tea! >_>. Thanks muchly for the cyber cup of tea. And thanks everyone else as well. I've just spoken to my housing officer. I'm not great at speaking on the phone, so he invited me to go and see him this afternoon. He is a really nice guy, so I'm not worried about seeing him. I'm just worried about the options. I could declare myself homeless and move into homeless accommodation. The housing guy showed me round the homeless place a while ago; it actually didn't seem too bad, tbh. All the units are self-contained and most are for one person. But some are shared units and I'm not sure I could handle sharing living space with another person, particularly if they start bringing friends and stuff around.

I'm also on the housing register but the council gave me the lowest priority banding (D is the lowest, A the highest). That means it could take a couple of years to get a place, and I don't think I can last another 2 years! Probably be in prison, or whatever, long before then. I really wanted to get into social housing, but if I can't, think I'll just accept anything at this rate - provided it's not shared.

Ah, I need another cup of tea... >.>

Sending you a nice hot mug of peppermint tea. Hope you like that, it's one of my favorites.

Can they change your housing priority severity status so that you could get housing sooner?

I used to be told, constantly, that I will be "sent away," or sent to a certain "reform school" type place whenever I "acted up."

Do you like chamomile tea?

Well, on the down side I got a speeding ticket on the way to see the housing officer - no speed cameras, just a policeman with literally nothing better to do with his time than catch people going over the speed limit for 10 seconds before they reach the traffic lights. On the plus side, my housing officer was absolutely fantastic and helped prevent me from spiralling into a deep depression...

Unfortunately he doesn't have the power to change my housing priority. The pressure on housing in the UK, especially in the southeast, is unbelievable. There just aren't enough homes for the number of people, so you have to have six children and/or be living on the streets to be placed on top of the list. I think at this rate I'll most likely bite the bullet and opt for the homelessness route. Going into homeless accommodation will raise my priority... Still probably have to wait weeks/months, but at least it won't be years.

Re tea. Yeah, I like peppermint and chamomile tea :p I normally drink black tea with milk and no sugar, but have been meaning to buy some herbal tea to try and cut down on my caffeine a bit.

@kraftiekortie - That's terrible you were told those things :-/ Just can't get over how cruel people can be to their own offspring sometimes.

Same here for me. I also had threats of being sent to juvi, military school or being put up for adoption & I never threw things or hit my parents. I just yelled & cursed em out & tried running away.
I know you mentioned trying antidepressents & benzos but have you tried any antipsychotics or betablockers? They are sometimes used to help people with anger issues.

The people from the autism team are right, the police can't arrest you just for throwing things and making a mess. There is no law against throwing things and making a mess in your own home. (In public they could arrest you for causing a public disturbance, but not in your own house...your house is not a public place.)

They can't arrest you for hitting a mattress, either. Hitting a mattress is not against the law.

The police can detain you and take you to the hospital to have your mental health evaluated (I'm guessing a mental health assessment is why the GP came round to your house?) even if you haven't done anything against the law, but they have to believe you're an immediate danger to yourself or others before they will do that. It doesn't sound like they think you're an immediate danger to yourself or others.

It sounds like right now, the police are just trying to scare you into behaving better. It seems like they're doing a good job of scaring you, which really sucks because it's worse than unhelpful....the last thing a person who is having meltdowns needs is more stress and fear.



That actually makes it sound like they believe you need protection. People who are being arrested don't go to hotels. A hotel is where they take someone who needs a safe place to stay for the night and there's nowhere else to take them.



When you apply to be on the housing register, do they ask you about domestic violence or about if there are any problems with your current living situation?

Make sure your housing officer really knows what's going on at your house with you and your parents and what's happened with the police.

The way they assign priority on a housing wait list is like how they do triage at a hospital....Anybody who has family or friends to stay with is automatically seen as being at a lower risk for harm -- but if staying with your family or friends actually puts you at risk of harm (particularly if that risk of harm is outright domestic violence -- like your dad hitting you), that changes things. (Or it should -- I've never heard of a housing program that didn't take that sort of thing into account; It might not put you at the top of the list, but you probably shouldn't be at the bottom of it.)