Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next


Should I spen less time on WP?
Yes 60%  60%  [ 15 ]
No 40%  40%  [ 10 ]
Total votes : 25

DevilKisses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,067
Location: Canada

29 Oct 2014, 9:55 pm

I've been getting depressed because of a lot of stuff I've been reading on WP. Mainly stuff about not growing up. I'm always scared that I'll end up like people here.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


andrethemoogle
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Sep 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,254
Location: Sol System

29 Oct 2014, 10:18 pm

What do you mean "like people here"? That sounds mean to me, not everyone is the same.



cathylynn
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,045
Location: northeast US

29 Oct 2014, 10:33 pm

i'm married with cat and have a job. have done tons of things in my 58 years. some failures, but lots of learning. i like my life. you may very well like yours, too. humans tend to remember the negative. if you find yourself bogged down in negatives, switch to another post, or, as you say, browse another site for a while.

how are you doing now? if you are doing well, chances are good that trend will remain. "the best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior." Dr. Phil is a blowhard, but he has this quote right.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,295
Location: my own little world

29 Oct 2014, 10:36 pm

I don't think DK means to be mean, it sounds like she is just very insecure about this.

DK, if you are worried about how you might be affected by certain threads you can certainly choose not to read them. But sometimes a break from a forum is a good thing. It helps you think about other things. Sometimes we get wrapped up into these forums and they can kind of become the focus of our lives. So taking a little break can be rejuvenating. If you feel like you need a break you should take one. We'll be here when you come back. :D


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Who_Am_I
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,632
Location: Australia

29 Oct 2014, 11:08 pm

Your choice; we can't tell you how to live your life.


_________________
Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


Woodpecker
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Age: 50
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,625
Location: Europe

29 Oct 2014, 11:37 pm

My view is that wrong planet is a bit like life, you get out what you put in.

While my experience of WP has been a positive thing in my life, if something on WP is getting you down then move to somewhere else. But if WP as a whole is getting you down, then feel free to take a break, also it is important to understand that if the time you spend on WP is harming your life then you need to cut down or cut it out.

For example if you are married with kids and you neglect your wife/husband and children by spending too much time here instead of time with them then you need to do something about it.


_________________
Health is a state of physical, mental and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity :alien: I am not a jigsaw, I am a free man !

Diagnosed under the DSM5 rules with autism spectrum disorder, under DSM4 psychologist said would have been AS (299.80) but I suspect that I am somewhere between 299.80 and 299.00 (Autism) under DSM4.


DevilKisses
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jul 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,067
Location: Canada

30 Oct 2014, 12:01 am

andrethemoogle wrote:
What do you mean "like people here"? That sounds mean to me, not everyone is the same.

I'm not going to mention any names, but a lot of people here talk about being childlike and behind their NT peers and having significant disabilities. I'm not saying that everyone here is like this, I'm just saying that a lot of the stuff I read on WP mentions that stuff. It makes me think negative stuff about myself. I don't think I'm exactly like most people on WP, but I always get scared that will end up like that. I don't think being on WP has been that good for me, but I don't really know where else I can go.


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 82 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 124 of 200
You are very likely neurotypical


CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 113,298
Location: Stalag 13

30 Oct 2014, 12:34 am

Best wishes.


_________________
Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?


grbiker
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2014
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 124

30 Oct 2014, 12:57 am

I don't think visiting a forum frequently could influence you that strongly, that you would end up worse off than when you came. If there are some posters who kind of bum you out, take their words as cautionary, and look at how your life is different.

I tend to stay away from the "I have that too" kind of discussions because I don't get much insight from finding analogues, unless there is more introspective responses beyond the "me too", so I agree that you get out what you put in.

In general, I have found a great wealth of experience, knowledge, and insight through my WP interactions.



Waterfalls
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Jun 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,075

30 Oct 2014, 5:23 am

DevilKisses wrote:
andrethemoogle wrote:
What do you mean "like people here"? That sounds mean to me, not everyone is the same.

I'm not going to mention any names, but a lot of people here talk about being childlike and behind their NT peers and having significant disabilities. I'm not saying that everyone here is like this, I'm just saying that a lot of the stuff I read on WP mentions that stuff. It makes me think negative stuff about myself. I don't think I'm exactly like most people on WP, but I always get scared that will end up like that. I don't think being on WP has been that good for me, but I don't really know where else I can go.

Yes, autism and all other forms of being on the spectrum are significant disabilities, but it's not a competition about who is more or less disabled. There are a lot of different people coming here and whatever your definition of disability is, there are probably some who meet it and some who don't, yet nonetheless are on the spectrum.

There are no perfect people, anywhere.

And being childlike is not the end of the world nor inconsistent with being very capable in some ways.



r2d2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Jul 2014
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 539
Location: Northern Mariana Islands

30 Oct 2014, 5:55 am

Personally I find Wrong Planet kind of uplifting. Sure there are sad stories and pessimism here - But having spent almost 60 years of my life knowing that there were whole bunch of little things wrong with me. Discovering that I share many of those little things with countless numbers of other people has giving me a whole new outlook on life. Even though I am a very "high functioning' aspie when I read people from the entire range of the Autism Spectrum - from the most mild Asperger to the most profound Classic - I sense a commonality of experience. This gives me great solace.


_________________
"Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."

- Albert Einstein


BirdInFlight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2013
Age: 62
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,501
Location: If not here, then where?

30 Oct 2014, 6:47 am

DK, I can see how the posts from those of us who are older and talk about our troubles could get you worried about your own future in life. I'm really sorry that some of our posts of that nature have affected a younger person badly that way; I'm sad to hear that.

However, remember that you are a different person from, say, me, or this person or that person. Although some of us share experiences that are similar, remember that. 1) those of us who tell of these things are concentrated on those threads because obviously we are drawn to the topic, but all of the "yes, me too" replies do not represent the whole of the community. Even with fifty replies saying "I have had a problem with ___" there are thousands more people who didn't respond because maybe they don't have that problem at all.

Remember that it's a spectrum, where every individual experience a slightly different version of the similar challenges, and some don't even experience at all certain problems that others do.

So that, even if it looks like a ton of people are experiencing a specific difficulty in life or are talking about how their life has been hampered by that problem, there are lots more people who have not had that specific challenge and are fine in that department.

You may be one of them! :)

The things you yourself may do or achieve in life may turn out to exceed that of the people on the threads that worry you. As you can see from other threads, there is a whole spectrum of functioning and adjustment to life on WP.

Some people are on disability and will need assisted living; some people can cope with part time work but with help in doing so; some people are trying to take on too much and their coping skills are being badly challenged and without help from anywhere -- this is where the potentially upsetting posts will be -- and other people have succeeded in creating a life that, on paper, almost looks like all the NT boxes have been checked -- long and steady careers, wives and husbands and stable marriages, children, home owning etc.

There are all kind of people on the spectrum and each journey is different. Each person is doing the best they can. It's only when a person is becoming upset with something that is out of step with their abilities or level of coping, or they are not getting the help they need that might improve that, that they will post sadness and anger and need to vent here and speak with others who are going through the same issues.

That's partly one of the uses of WP -- for people to sometimes need to have a place to compare notes on the things that go wrong for them, not just the things that go right.

When you see those threads where people trying to make sense of the things going wrong are concentrated, it's hard to keep perspective. It's hard to remember that this isn't necessarily going to be you too one day.

I'm 53 and although I post a LOT on the thread that are ventings about what has gone wrong and the problems autism has caused me in life, because I need the support and I have nobody else in my life to give that support other than WP, I have also actually done a lot in life that, on paper, I ought to be proud of. It's just that I forget those things when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the ways life hasn't been easy.

I also sometimes hesitate to talk about the small successes in life that I'm proud of because I have actually been taken the wrong way before on here. Some people tore me to pieces and accused me of bragging and placing my own level of "success" onto others who can't do the same things. That was NEVER what I was trying to do at all. I was trying to encourage one person that MAYBE if I managed to do one of the things I did once, she MIGHT be able to repeat the success, since she and I have the same challenges yet also we had some of the same "assets" too. I never said "I did this successfully so you can too and if you don't you're a loser!" But some mean people on here accused me of that.

So now I'm afraid to join in on the more positive "What have you achieved that you're proud of?" threads because people accuse people here of crowing and boasting and say it's putting down the people who may never be able to do the same things in life. Even though that's NOT what those threads are about.

Personally I never get offended by someone giving the information that they happen to have had an amazing career for 20 years, own their own home, and have a good marriage despite all their autism challenges. Just as I never think less of someone who shares the information that their functioning level means they need to live at home, they need to access state help financially, and they need a life that's designed differently for them. That person to me is every bit as valid as the other one.

Me, I'm somewhere in the middle in terms of functioning, ability and what kind of life I can conduct. I do sometimes have feelings of sadness that I didn't have what it takes to achieve more of the things I wanted out of my own life. At the same time I'm glad of what I did get to do or have and I feel I shouldn't complain.

It's just that sometime everyone needs an outlet to "complain" a bit or they'd explode, and I think you may be reading too many of those discussions and getting overly depressed and scared that this might be the way things turn out for you.

But you are 18 and still young enough that ALL kinds of possibilities are still all ahead of you! You can learn from the mistakes others may talk about. Some of my mistakes are fully my own poor choices that I could have done differently if I'd known better at the time, and they are mistakes you don't have to make -- that's the good part of all this!

If you just make the best of any opportunity you have -- whether that may be further education, a specialized course of vocational study, or finding out how to get an "in" to the things you'd like to pursue and then keep pursuing them, you can't go wrong as long as you are aiming for whatever is the best of your ability.

About being childlike -- I'm one of those too, but it didn't stop me finding paying work, and even someone wanting to marry me! Okay, so we later got divorced too. But plenty of people on here have partnerships that worked out better than mine, too, and there's no reason to think that your situations in life will be the same as mine in a bad way, because you are not me and you may even have "better stuff" going on with you and your support system and capabilities and skills than I did or do now. I've had zero support emotionally, you may have a lot of people who care about you, and that alone makes things turn out differently for a person in what they do in life.

Sorry for the long post -- never intended, but just had a lot to say that I hoped might help in any way.

:)

:) :)



kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

30 Oct 2014, 8:38 am

You should concentrate on going to university to get your fine arts degree.

If you don't go back to school, the fears you mentioned will be realized.

WrongPlanet is complex. There are people with many levels of "functioning" here. Many people have jobs, spouses, families, etc. Some people don't, yet want to. Some people don't, yet don't want to.

If you've met an autistic person, you've met an autistic person (I don't give a rat's butt that it's a cliché, because it's true)



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,295
Location: my own little world

30 Oct 2014, 8:54 am

DK, I don't think you will become very childlike if you are not already. And BirdinFlight makes excellent points in her post. The child thing is either a result of things that happened that caused stunted emotional growth as you were growing up or an abnormality in the brain, primarily in the limbic system of the brain, which they have found in studying Autistic brains in autopsies. People can be immature in many ways but this particular emotional child processing that most of us are referring to, I belief, is actually physiological. It's not contagious and you can't get it by reading about it.

Krafite makes a good point for education and that has helped him a lot and changed his life. I don't 100% agree with his statement because many officially uneducated people have been able to accomplish great things and many officially educated people have also fallen by the wayside. But education is a powerful tool and you should not waste any opportunity to get it. But I would not worry about becoming child like just from browsing threads. And if they bother you don't read those threads. There are plenty of other topics to talk about.

I think Bird brings up a great point as well that we should encourage each other to speak openly about accomplishments and people should not see that as boasting but rather as sharing encouragement. It really made me happy to read about you learning to drive DK and about Rebbieh's accomplishment with her speech to her class. I was inspired and excited. We do tend to have quite a bit of doom, gloom and difficulty that we talk about. I like hearing about it when people here are doing great.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


kraftiekortie
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 4 Feb 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 87,510
Location: Queens, NYC

30 Oct 2014, 8:58 am

I wasn't saying that uneducated people can't accomplish things. It's obvious that they can.

I didn't get my bachelor's until age 45--most of my "accomplishments", if you could call them "accomplishments" came before I became somewhat "educated."

I was saying that DK, herself, would benefit mightily from an education, especially in this climate where education, possibly, is overemphasized. Also: she likes the fine arts, so she should proceed from there.



skibum
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2013
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,295
Location: my own little world

30 Oct 2014, 9:04 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I wasn't saying that uneducated people can't accomplish things. It's obvious that they can.

I didn't get my bachelor's until age 45--most of my "accomplishments", if you could call them "accomplishments" came before I became somewhat "educated."

I was saying that DK, herself, would benefit mightily from an education, especially in this climate where education, possibly, is overemphasized. Also: she likes the fine arts, so she should proceed from there.
I know you Kraftie and I did not think you meant that uneducated people could not accomplish things. And getting a bachelor's at 45 is a tremendous accomplishment. But I have also been 18, insecure, and confused so I wanted to state that because sometimes when one is insecure and confused the obvious might not always be so obvious. But no disrespect intended at all.


_________________
"I'm bad and that's good. I'll never be good and that's not bad. There's no one I'd rather be than me."

Wreck It Ralph


Last edited by skibum on 30 Oct 2014, 9:06 am, edited 1 time in total.