No love from my family

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For years, my entire childhood, I saw my family as being the epitome of normal. They do what everyone tells them to do, they follow the rules, conservative, straight up out of a 50s billboard advertising the american dream. It all seemed so normal because that's all I really knew. I couldn't fathom anything outside the confines of their sleepy, cyclical existence. I just can't help but see them as passive sheep who seek nothing truly rewarding and eternal in life. It's all about the pursuit of money, and acquaintances, and promotions, shiny cars, a new pool. But I realized all this s**t they bought for us when we were younger was just to compensate for their total lack of emotional support. They don't understand us at all, and as the oldest I can see it more clearly than ever. My parents just used us as kids to pomp their own image. They totally microcontrolled our image, made sure we didn't do anything that grandpa wouldnt approve of, which is such a stupid mentality.
I'm having one of those days where I can't really write fluidly, my thoughts are fragmented and feel like static, but it's so weird, because they are totally intolerant of anything that contradicts there own belief system. Totally racist too. And i think my brother has borderline, all he cares about are immediate sensations and totally goes overboard if he doesn't win everything. Its insane. He has too modes of thinking, what is awesome for him, and what is terrible for him, and i'm starting to realize that its not his fault, it's my parents who totally emotionally neglect us. They are so involved in organizations in schools, parent organizations, all this s**t to moniter other people, yet they spend no time actually caring about what we think.
Anytime I try to talk about spirituality, and personal awakening, they just laugh it off or start talking about psychiatric appointments, which I am absolutely over! Antidepressants almost drove me over the edge, I can't do that s**t.
Anytime I show them my artwork, my mom just pretends to care, and my dad asks if i've gotten a job
Anytime I express interest to do anything outside their comfort zones, they just say I live under their finances so I do anything they tell me
And then they say that if I had my own job I could go off and do whatever I want
But that's beyond the point to me
I don't care about money, I just want family I can belong in and not be scrutinized for being different
Anytime I come home, dad just asks when my haircut appt is
Anytime I come home, dads just plopped on the couch drinking beer, watching news, commenting on how bad anyone that's not him is.
And the way they treat my youngest sister is really insane. Since me, my brother, and other sister have all failed to be the jock athletes that he was in high school/college, he is forcibly shoving every sport he can imagine into her mind, and I really think it's so that he can live vicariously through her. And get this, my sister has severe asthma. She can't f*****g play soccer, everytime she tries, it gets so bad she has to come out, but my dad still adamently encourages her to do it. My sister finally spoke up, and he acted like a little puppy dog, but if it was me he wouldve just brought the belt out
I dont know, I guess I'm just tired of being stigmatized as the lunatic especially in my own family, like I've got no where to go, I can't just leave without any support, I feel like I'm dying on the inside every day.
And they still think it's my fault, that I need medications and that medications will somehow fix the hurricane of intolerance permeating through my family. They care about cousins in the family a million fold more than they care about me. Dad will legit talk for an hour about his dead ancestors, and if i proposed theories on conscious existence, he justs laughs. He actually just calls me a smartass, as if thats supposed to be worse than it's antithesis. f*****g weird

Do any of you feel beyond lost especially in a pivotal point in your life like it is for me, as a college student.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I had a stepfather who was similar to your father--very similar.

At least you're a college student now, so you are making a way for you to be rid of this situation.
Have you declared a major yet?

I'm sure there will be other responses. Just hang tight, and be patient. They will come.

I know what you mean. Whenever I talk to my family it feels like they make this big deal to speak with me and when they do the conversations are superficial and short. They cut me off with "Well I going to go now. I have such and such to do." They have also seemed to have the pleasure of making fun my interests, beliefs and etc. These are my parents. They don't really seem interested in me. I don't talk to them or go visit.

Then I have a grandmother who is not interested either. We talk on the phone but things always seem so one-sided as well. She was telling me that my parents are crying because they feel like I have abandoned them. She said this the last time we talked and it was "Well I going to hang up now." No there is more to that than these two stories dear family.

I know what you are going through with your family.