Extreme fear of my birthday

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Now I know this sounds silly but my birthday's coming up in a few weeks time and I'm terrified. I know it's not rational.
It's nothing to do with getting older as some people seem to think. I just can't handle the attention.
My work mates make a big deal of birthdays. They bring food and cake (none of which I eat), give cards, make speeches, sing happy birthday (kill me now) and they keep saying, ''Happy Birthday!" like I can suddenly be happy if someone wishes it.
I'm starting to feel the pressure already. In past years I've started having increased suicide ideation around this time. It's a huge depression time for me.
No one understands that I just want to forget the whole thing. I don't know how many times I've scribbled my name off the birthday list but it just keeps appearing. Somehow they think I couldn't possibly want to miss my birthday and I'm just being modest or something. I spoke to the office lady and she had my name taken off but everyone remembers and they've been hinting about my birthday coming up soon.
How do I make them understand how I feel?

I think I can relate. I am wondering if it would be possible to ask that the money they spend for your celebration, be donated to a local charity or something? And yes, most NT's don't understand not wanting the complete focus of the world to be on you. They enjoy reveling in the attention so they can't possible understand the pressure it puts on us.

Perhaps you can call in sick on your birthday? You mentioned in a previous post that you work with other "special needs" people, some of whom have the same issues as you. Would they understand if you just told them what you told us? It should be easier for them to grasp than for NTs.

My birthday is this month, and I can relate for a few felling you described. I hate birthdays, especially mine.
I'm actually in crisis right now, I'm coming out of adolescence to adulthood and is not so easy. Always has that old standard vs what you should be doing at that age, and often found myself out of that line of thinking. I feel really depressed and suicidal this time of the year.

Sounds perfectly rational to me, actually.
i don't know what advice i can offer though unfortunately, other than just grit your teeth because i'm sure you've dealt with it before, or take some time off work around that time

I've tried calling in sick. It doesn't work. They save it up for when I'm there.
I usually apply for leave this time of year but I missed out this time.

StarTrekker - I think the problem is because we're 'special needs', they think they need to make it even more 'special' by hyping things up. The thing is, I've told them repeatedly I don't want a celebration. They just don't listen. Maybe I need to tell them it makes me suicidal? At least if they take me to the mental health unit I may miss out on all the craziness.

How about doing what anthropic principle suggests and grit your teeth and go through with it. Hopefully it only lasts a short time and you try to block your mind out with the speeches and celebration. You get the pleasure of knowing that your workplace enjoys birthday celebrations and yours thankfully only comes once a year and tell yourself that you work with a great bunch of work colleagues who care about you (even though their cause to celebrate your birthday is misdirected).

I don't celebrate my birthday. If I had friends who wanted to party, well they wouldn't be my friends. If I worked and they tried to make a huge deal out of my birthday, I would run out screaming and then lock myself in the toilets and rock bath and forth.

On my last birthday I thought I had got away with it and they had forgotten about my birthday. When I came in and they made a big thing about it and I snapped. I have asked them to not bother but they don't seem to hear me.

Snapping at them was the wrong thing but it is how I get when I get cornered into getting attention.

Next year there will be no problem as I am no longer on the birthday list that prompts people that someones birthday is coming up

If this was the only thing I had to worry about, my life would be golden.

I'm sorry to be sarky, but I just cannot relate to this. My life is falling apart and I'm facing a future of abject poverty - literally the last thing I can imagine worrying about is my birthday.

I'm sorry you have it so bad. We all have our own problems that are the focus of our lives. I did say that others might find it silly but it's a problem for me and it's no less a problem because you can't relate. Irrational fears may seem trivial for others but for the person experiencing them they are very real. My fear stems more from the direction my thoughts are going at this time.
I post my problems here because I find it extremely difficult to tell people my problems and fears in real life. If you can't relate, please don't post.

Last edited by Raleigh on 08 Nov 2014, 2:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

I hate my birthday and cringe when its getting closer. Every birthday for the past ten or so years consist of me going to Buffalo wild wings alone and getting take out and then going to Barnes and Noble alone. My birthday reminds me of how sad and non-existent my social life really is.

Not looking forward to mine, why? Because I am quickly ageing out of events and programs I finally find ,myself capable of doing and wanting to do.

I keep my birthday to a small, quiet event. Needless to say I'm really not thrilled that my birthday is on VALENTINES DAY!

Today, November 7, 2014 is my 60th birthday. I am only fearful in the sense that I recognize that my life is now well more than half over.

I remember my 30th birthday - as a very, very sad day. It just turned out that I was all alone that day. At the same time - work had become an unbearable experience. . I cried and cried and cried that day on November 7, 1984. Today, I am more realistic about things. I neither rejoice nor moan.

I don't tell anyone I know in person when my birthday is, because I don't like having parties.