How do you feel about people touching you?
Yes, I experience pain from that.
Touch for me is a level of intimacy for me. A stranger on the street is going to have problems even getting a hand shake. An acquaintance will have little problems getting a handshake, but I have to work for a hug. A friend, I will touch hands with, maybe a little more, and little resistance for a hug. Family will have no problems with most touching. And my ex-wife was the only one able to past most of my touching problems, but even then, I had issues with some touching.
What does touching feel like? For me, the unexpected, or the unwanted touch creates an immediate fight or flight response. This is why it requires some level of intimacy for me to over come. The long touch even from a loved one will make me feel restrained, like I need to escape to regain my freedom of movement.
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I finally found an avatar.
^^^Yup. Same.
Absolutely hate being tickled too.
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Diagnosed Asperger's
NaturalProcess
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 26 Jun 2013
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 60
Location: USA
I get startled when people touch me unexpectedly, even close friends and family. I have almost punched family before, out of reflexes.
I must have some sensory issue, because when I am touched unexpectedly, the sensations I feel uncomfortable and are well beyond the area that was touched, and travel from the point of contact like a wave radiating outward.
If I know a touch is coming, none of that happens, although like someone mentioned, when I am hugged or whatever, I usually stiffen up and stoically wait for it to over.
Trust is part of this, because yes, I am aware that people close enough to touch are close enough to hurt. And it seems ASD people are more likely targets anyway.
I can usually go pretty long on getting massages and the like, but some areas have very low tolerance before they get painfully (but not visually) sore.
ASPartOfMe
Veteran
Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,415
Location: Long Island, New York
^^^
THIS mostly
If I know the person or get warning it is not nearly as bad. On the other hand I really dislike anything between the shoulders and neck. The fight or flight response in those cases has definitely insulted people and almost ended up in actual fights a few times. I attribute it to Autistic touch sensitivity. This was a important reason in realizing I am autistic and not so mild.
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
It is Autism Acceptance Month
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
NTs seem to be obsessed with everything that is: forced, uncomfortable, artificial, superficial, faked and hypocritical and as one might suspect, the same applies to the way they touch you. I would not mind anyone touching me if they actually had a sense of doing it in a way that is pleasant and genuine.
Hugs and handshakes are those two typical kinds of behaviour that seem as if they were invented by NTs to annoy people from a different level. "Wait for it to be over" and "scream and swear in my head" obviously apply here but this is the case with most of the other NT retardedness like "kids" screaming and smashing stuff as if they were controlled by a brain no much larger than a peanut. And then even animals that do have a brain of this size seem to act in a much more intelligent and sensitive way. Only with humans the "norm" seems to be the opposite of what a real norm is. But that's another story.
I am known to be one of those handshake and hug taboo guys and I spread and amplify the word myself so that all insensitive jerks are warned. Handshakes, on top of screaming "artificial" at you, are also very unhygienic - very often it happens that just seconds later you are going to touch food and put it in your mouth with the additional bonus of all microbes and unknown things from the guy's hand. But for an NT it is way too complicated, too assertive and too out-of-the-line to think about it or anything, reach conclusions and actually apply them in spite of what the general societal brainwash might be at the moment. And it does change - one day NT social pressure accepts e.g. being gay, another day they find it socially unacceptable and the day after tomorrow they find it unacceptable that you find it unacceptable.
Hugs are even worse since for a straight man like me this kind of contact with the same gender is just a violation of my privacy. With females it is better because they are not violating my orientation and they also tend to be a bit more sensitive and precise and in control of their body. But then, it puts me off by thinking how hypocritical they are at that moment.
So yeah, touching should be limited to erotic context and why it is not that way just boggles my mind. Perhaps it is a result of a suppression of sensuality which, as any other kind of suppression, will later pop up somewhere in disguise all of a sudden - so perhaphs this is the source of the hug and handshake nightmare.
And then if some is simply capable of deep and detailed sensation they "have sensory issues"? Really?
ImAnAspie
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Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
My boss once touched me on the arm and I flinched.
Luckily, she knows I'm an Aspie and wasn't offended.
She's never touched me since!
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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
Being touched is fantastic. As a child I used to love it when we were sitting on the floor for story time and one of my friends wanted to play with my hair. It was the only time I actually sat still and listened...
It doesn't matter what mood I'm in, I love being touched. Unless I'm feeling really nauseas and trying to fight back vomiting. But that's a little different. Otherwise, being touched doesn't bother me.
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Female
I only like being touched by one person and that's my husband. I quite like it alot when I'm not having a meltdown or stressed which is funny because that can calm me almost instantly and put me to sleep. And I don't think I only like his touch because he's my husband. I didn't like anyone I've been with before really touching me. I was never hugged or touched by my parents growing up so no parental affection. I don't like when others go to touch me, I flinch. I have to be on guard a lot of times not to look like I'm completely abhorred or flinch incase someone goes to pat me on the shoulder etc. I have told people before about not liking to be touched and have been told I need to "get over it" then have them touch me again later after saying "I know you don't like it but..."
ImAnAspie
Veteran
Joined: 15 Oct 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,686
Location: Erra (RA 03 45 12.5 Dec +24 28 02)
It doesn't matter what mood I'm in, I love being touched. Unless I'm feeling really nauseas and trying to fight back vomiting. But that's a little different. Otherwise, being touched doesn't bother me.
When you're vomiting, if you've got long hair it's nice to have someone who loves you enough to hold your hair back. I used to do this for my partner.
_________________
Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.
I generally do not like being touched. I don't like being too near people. I really hate being close to people when eating.
I know that I haven't liked being touched for most of my life. Exceptions were close family and friends. But now, I only like touch when I am the one to initiate it, or if I'm in one of those rare moods.
I have sensory issues, so it is partly sensory. Part of it is feeling panicked by unexpected or unwanted touch or invasion of my personal space. I also hate it when other people or objects confine or block my movement in some way.
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