is the guy I am dating only interested in sex?

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sly279
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12 Nov 2014, 5:29 pm

linatet wrote:
Maybe next time he makes a sexual reference, even if it's only a joke, I will say something like: "listen, I am not going to have sex with you. To be honest I am virgin and not ready and I am not having sex". How about that? Should I do that? It's not actually true because I would have sex, so would that kill my chance of having sex in case he actually likes me?


It would for me. I like sex and I don't want to be in a long term relationship where sex will never happen.
saying your a lesbian advice sounds stupid. as shes dating him. a straight guy wouldn't want to continue dating a lesbian. o.O as i imagine a lesbian wouldn't want to date a straight guy.

maybe say you won't be having sex until you feel ready to with him. though it may just be a case of too different sexual drives and best you two go separate ways.



funeralxempire
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12 Nov 2014, 7:22 pm

linatet wrote:
Maybe next time he makes a sexual reference, even if it's only a joke, I will say something like: "listen, I am not going to have sex with you. To be honest I am virgin and not ready and I am not having sex". How about that? Should I do that? It's not actually true because I would have sex, so would that kill my chance of having sex in case he actually likes me?


If you want to shag him, do it. I wouldn't lie and say you don't wish to have sex with him if you do since he'll likely read that as "I've been leading you on and changed my mind."

You're worried about being used? That's a risk that comes with sex. Anyways if you both get what you wanted, how is anyone used?


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linatet
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15 Nov 2014, 1:25 pm

Yesterday we went out again, and I thought of bringing the subject of our "relationship" and so on based on what we talked about in this thread.
But he started tthe subject first, as soon as we met he started to talk about us. He asked what we would be considered in Brazil (he lives in the US) and I told him we don't have the date thing in here and we would be "ficantes" which means we kiss each other but can kiss other people too. And then he said we should be exclusive, that is, he only wants to be with me and I wouldn't be able to be with other people either, and I agreed.
So, I started to be really sure he liked me. And then in the morning I went to his bed (we slept at a friends' house) to cuddle. I felt it was so romantic but instead he started to run his hand all over my body.
I don't know what to think of what happened. I'm starting to believe he likes me AND he is turned on by me, and maybe I am just hell insecure about myself.
What do you think?
Also, a question for you guys, do you feel turned up when a girl cuddles with you in bed? How much do you feel like touching her and can you "control" it? (I mean, of course you can, but how strong is it?)



funeralxempire
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15 Nov 2014, 2:04 pm

linatet wrote:
Yesterday we went out again, and I thought of bringing the subject of our "relationship" and so on based on what we talked about in this thread.
But he started tthe subject first, as soon as we met he started to talk about us. He asked what we would be considered in Brazil (he lives in the US) and I told him we don't have the date thing in here and we would be "ficantes" which means we kiss each other but can kiss other people too. And then he said we should be exclusive, that is, he only wants to be with me and I wouldn't be able to be with other people either, and I agreed.
So, I started to be really sure he liked me. And then in the morning I went to his bed (we slept at a friends' house) to cuddle. I felt it was so romantic but instead he started to run his hand all over my body.
I don't know what to think of what happened. I'm starting to believe he likes me AND he is turned on by me, and maybe I am just hell insecure about myself.
What do you think?
Also, a question for you guys, do you feel turned up when a girl cuddles with you in bed? How much do you feel like touching her and can you "control" it? (I mean, of course you can, but how strong is it?)


I think it's reasonable to conclude that he both likes you and is turned on by you.

Usually I would want to touch a girl who's cuddling with me, the two kinda go together in my mind.


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15 Nov 2014, 2:11 pm

I also did some reseacrh on body language and this is what I found out of his behaviour
1. signs of lust
- his hold is firm and he squeezes my waist a lot
- 9 out of 10 times he kisses me in full-blown smooch and sucks my lips and tongue

2. signs of desinterest
- he looks away when we are together or seems distracted (maybe thinking of sex? lol)

3. signs he likes me
- he leans towards me
- he laughs easily
- he kisses my forehead
- our first romantic kiss was yesterday and he cupped my face while kissing

so it seems like he is definitely attracted, but shows mixed signs of like/doesn't like. is this the right way to interpret those signs?



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15 Nov 2014, 2:12 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
linatet wrote:
Yesterday we went out again, and I thought of bringing the subject of our "relationship" and so on based on what we talked about in this thread.
But he started tthe subject first, as soon as we met he started to talk about us. He asked what we would be considered in Brazil (he lives in the US) and I told him we don't have the date thing in here and we would be "ficantes" which means we kiss each other but can kiss other people too. And then he said we should be exclusive, that is, he only wants to be with me and I wouldn't be able to be with other people either, and I agreed.
So, I started to be really sure he liked me. And then in the morning I went to his bed (we slept at a friends' house) to cuddle. I felt it was so romantic but instead he started to run his hand all over my body.
I don't know what to think of what happened. I'm starting to believe he likes me AND he is turned on by me, and maybe I am just hell insecure about myself.
What do you think?
Also, a question for you guys, do you feel turned up when a girl cuddles with you in bed? How much do you feel like touching her and can you "control" it? (I mean, of course you can, but how strong is it?)


I think it's reasonable to conclude that he both likes you and is turned on by you.

Usually I would want to touch a girl who's cuddling with me, the two kinda go together in my mind.

oh, I mean touch in an erotic way. Not like caress but like touch firmly/squeezing places like my inner thighs



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15 Nov 2014, 2:28 pm

linatet wrote:
oh, I mean touch in an erotic way. Not like caress but like touch firmly/squeezing places like my inner thighs


Usually affectionate and erotic touch overlap pretty heavily when you're with someone you consider your significant other.
I'm not sure I'd be comfortable cuddling with someone who wasn't comfortable with the idea of me touching them 'suggestively'.

At this point he's trying to establish boundaries and see how comfortable you can be with him.

I'm not sure looking away/scanning the room is a sign of disinterest, he might be thinking (most likely of you) or he might be looking around for another reason, especially if there's other people in the room.


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15 Nov 2014, 2:43 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
Usually affectionate and erotic touch overlap pretty heavily when you're with someone you consider your significant other.
At this point he's trying to establish boundaries and see how comfortable you can be with him.

in my mind at least I see a division of romance and lust. I wanted a romantic cuddle and he was 100% lust. I started by hugging him and caressing his chest and soon he was kissing and biting my neck area and breathing deeply in my ear while holding me and squeezing my body parts. he tried to get to my boobs and intimate areas lots of times but I didn't let him.
so I can hope he overlaps affection and erotism because he is into me?

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I'm not sure looking away/scanning the room is a sign of disinterest, he might be thinking (most likely of you) or he might be looking around for another reason, especially if there's other people in the room.

that's true. but at least he could look at me more when I am talking instead of the environment.
also I read on the net it's a bad sign if after the third date he doesn't call you, and he never called me. actually we basically exchange messages to set our next date. but maybe it's a little bit of my fault because sometimes I don't answer his messages, nothing personal I do this to everyone when I don't feel like interacting. anyway it seems like a bad sign he doesn't wanna talk to me besides our dates.



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15 Nov 2014, 3:02 pm

linatet wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Usually affectionate and erotic touch overlap pretty heavily when you're with someone you consider your significant other.
At this point he's trying to establish boundaries and see how comfortable you can be with him.

in my mind at least I see a division of romance and lust. I wanted a romantic cuddle and he was 100% lust. I started by hugging him and caressing his chest and soon he was kissing and biting my neck area and breathing deeply in my ear while holding me and squeezing my body parts. he tried to get to my boobs and intimate areas lots of times but I didn't let him.
so I can hope he overlaps affection and erotism because he is into me?


I'm hoping (and kinda assuming) that's the case.
I'd assume if he was only looking to hook-up that he'd have moved on by now.

Quote:
Quote:
I'm not sure looking away/scanning the room is a sign of disinterest, he might be thinking (most likely of you) or he might be looking around for another reason, especially if there's other people in the room.

that's true. but at least he could look at me more when I am talking instead of the environment.
also I read on the net it's a bad sign if after the third date he doesn't call you, and he never called me. actually we basically exchange messages to set our next date. but maybe it's a little bit of my fault because sometimes I don't answer his messages, nothing personal I do this to everyone when I don't feel like interacting. anyway it seems like a bad sign he doesn't wanna talk to me besides our dates.


He should probably pay more attention to you, or at least present the appearance of it... that said he might being trying to avoid looking 'obsessive' towards you.

Is he on the spectrum potentially? If so that adds more elements into play that need to be considered.

While it's not untrue that someone not calling after the third date is often a bad sign, it's not always. He might not be comfortable on the phone or he might be interpreting something you're doing to mean that you don't want to be bothered between dates (like not answering the messages, not that you're obliged to answer every single one...). Does he have your phone number? Do you have his? If you'd like to be called and he's uncertain of this you could either hint to him more clearly that you'd like to hear from him or could take the initiative and call him.


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sly279
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15 Nov 2014, 5:46 pm

linatet wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Usually affectionate and erotic touch overlap pretty heavily when you're with someone you consider your significant other.
At this point he's trying to establish boundaries and see how comfortable you can be with him.

in my mind at least I see a division of romance and lust. I wanted a romantic cuddle and he was 100% lust. I started by hugging him and caressing his chest and soon he was kissing and biting my neck area and breathing deeply in my ear while holding me and squeezing my body parts. he tried to get to my boobs and intimate areas lots of times but I didn't let him.
so I can hope he overlaps affection and erotism because he is into me?

Quote:
I'm not sure looking away/scanning the room is a sign of disinterest, he might be thinking (most likely of you) or he might be looking around for another reason, especially if there's other people in the room.

that's true. but at least he could look at me more when I am talking instead of the environment.
also I read on the net it's a bad sign if after the third date he doesn't call you, and he never called me. actually we basically exchange messages to set our next date. but maybe it's a little bit of my fault because sometimes I don't answer his messages, nothing personal I do this to everyone when I don't feel like interacting. anyway it seems like a bad sign he doesn't wanna talk to me besides our dates.


I mix romantic cuddling with sexual touching and kisses. I love cuddling but being that close also makes me lust for the person. for me its not without asking besides occasional humping I try to control.
he could be similar. depends on him. do you verbally ask him to stop?

maybe like me hes keeping aware of his surroundings or as police/security/military call it "keeping your head on a swivel" I keep an eye on stuff happening around me, people coming and going, cars etc.

I wonder how that whole phone call after a set dates is relevant in this post text world. I get the feeling it might be advice left over from the 90s. seems that most everyone uses text/im/facbook/etc over phone calls nowadays. except for business/work stuff. though even that seems to be a lot of emails.
perhaps It should be just that they contact you rather then by what method.

I get anxiety from phone calls, myself.