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is the guy I am dating only interested in sex?

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linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:23 pm

androbot01 wrote:
linatet wrote:
3- he wants to have sex badly but it doesn't mean he doesn't like me


^#3^

He's 22. He's into you. He wants to have sex. If you don't want to, you might have to go your separate ways. Are you into him or do you view him more as a friend?

I wish I could answer that.. I am not sure. It is usually very hard for me to understand my feelings.



androbot01
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11 Nov 2014, 3:26 pm

Would this be your first sexual relationship then?



The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Nov 2014, 3:28 pm

Tell him you're lesbian and see if he'll remain your friend.



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:29 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
linatet wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
linatet wrote:
autismthinker21 wrote:
friends with benefits.





that is all.

Is it bad?
I don't want to have a boyfriend and all that, but I also don't want to feel like being used. If it's only sex no relationship that's fine, but I don't want him to pretend to like me for that and then just disappear.



Then why are you complaining?

If you don't want a bf/gf relationship and yet you don't want just FWB, then what the hell do you want?


I agree with Boo her (lol, that's rare). You want a f**kbuddy right, a friend with benefits, someone you get along with and can f**k for more than once?
In that case I COMPLETELY don't understand why you would care that he talks about sex mostly.

As I said I am not looking for a boyfriend but I don't want to feel used either. If he is pretending to like me or being nice just to have sex then I am not going to see him anymore.



Then just ask him - or just stop seeing him.

Then should I just ask? Like: "are you dating me just for sex?".
I bet he would answer no anyway:
1- if he wants me just for sex then he wouldn't say yes because then he would be reducing his chances of having sex (in general you want to make the girl feel special so that she has sex with you)
2- if he likes me he could feel like I am kind of neurotic or get offended



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:31 pm

androbot01 wrote:
Would this be your first sexual relationship then?

Yup...
I don't want him to deceive me, take away my virginity and just disappear you know?



androbot01
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11 Nov 2014, 3:36 pm

linatet wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Would this be your first sexual relationship then?

Yup...
I don't want him to deceive me, take away my virginity and just disappear you know?


Well don't do it unless you physically want to. You will know if you physically want to as it will be obvious. Like, you would feel drawn to be close to him. Look at it this way, if you do it because you get physical pleasure from it then it doesn't matter if he goes or not. You come away with a positive. Regarding your virginity, I wouldn't bother one way or the other ... just do what you enjoy doing. And if you don't enjoy it don't do it - bad memories last.



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:44 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Tell him you're lesbian and see if he'll remain your friend.

I like this idea!
Only I am very bad at lying! And not very fond of the idea
Also I don't think he would believe it after our heavy pettings :lol:



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:47 pm

androbot01 wrote:
linatet wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Would this be your first sexual relationship then?

Yup...
I don't want him to deceive me, take away my virginity and just disappear you know?


Well don't do it unless you physically want to. You will know if you physically want to as it will be obvious. Like, you would feel drawn to be close to him. Look at it this way, if you do it because you get physical pleasure from it then it doesn't matter if he goes or not. You come away with a positive. Regarding your virginity, I wouldn't bother one way or the other ... just do what you enjoy doing. And if you don't enjoy it don't do it - bad memories last.

Thanks for the advice ! :)
I guess your right. The problem is that when I think we have some kind of connection I feel turned on, but when I think he could be deceiving me I feel bad and used and not turned on at all. So my physical pleasure actually depends on the matter.



Cafeaulait
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11 Nov 2014, 3:50 pm

linatet wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
linatet wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Would this be your first sexual relationship then?

Yup...
I don't want him to deceive me, take away my virginity and just disappear you know?


Well don't do it unless you physically want to. You will know if you physically want to as it will be obvious. Like, you would feel drawn to be close to him. Look at it this way, if you do it because you get physical pleasure from it then it doesn't matter if he goes or not. You come away with a positive. Regarding your virginity, I wouldn't bother one way or the other ... just do what you enjoy doing. And if you don't enjoy it don't do it - bad memories last.

Thanks for the advice ! :)
I guess your right. The problem is that when I think we have some kind of connection I feel turned on, but when I think he could be deceiving me I feel bad and used and not turned on at all. So my physical pleasure actually depends on the matter.


Why do you not want him to be yourfriend? You want a connection, you don't want him to leave you after he has had sex, but you do not want him as a boyfriend? Sounds freaking weird to me.



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:53 pm

Maybe next time he makes a sexual reference, even if it's only a joke, I will say something like: "listen, I am not going to have sex with you. To be honest I am virgin and not ready and I am not having sex". How about that? Should I do that? It's not actually true because I would have sex, so would that kill my chance of having sex in case he actually likes me?



androbot01
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11 Nov 2014, 3:56 pm

linatet wrote:
The problem is that when I think we have some kind of connection I feel turned on, but when I think he could be deceiving me I feel bad and used and not turned on at all. So my physical pleasure actually depends on the matter.


Well you have to decide if he's deceiving you or not. Often it takes a long time to know someone's true nature.



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 3:59 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
linatet wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
linatet wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Would this be your first sexual relationship then?

Yup...
I don't want him to deceive me, take away my virginity and just disappear you know?


Well don't do it unless you physically want to. You will know if you physically want to as it will be obvious. Like, you would feel drawn to be close to him. Look at it this way, if you do it because you get physical pleasure from it then it doesn't matter if he goes or not. You come away with a positive. Regarding your virginity, I wouldn't bother one way or the other ... just do what you enjoy doing. And if you don't enjoy it don't do it - bad memories last.

Thanks for the advice ! :)
I guess your right. The problem is that when I think we have some kind of connection I feel turned on, but when I think he could be deceiving me I feel bad and used and not turned on at all. So my physical pleasure actually depends on the matter.


Why do you not want him to be yourfriend? You want a connection, you don't want him to leave you after he has had sex, but you do not want him as a boyfriend? Sounds freaking weird to me.

I don't want a relationship (and he probably doesn't either) because he is going back to the US!
The thing is I don't want to be used or deceived. Let's put it this way:
1-if he likes me and also wants sex - okay
2- if he wants to have a relationship - okay
3- if he is pretending to like me only for sex - not okay



linatet
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11 Nov 2014, 4:01 pm

Thanks everyone for the time and help by the way!

androbot01 wrote:
linatet wrote:
The problem is that when I think we have some kind of connection I feel turned on, but when I think he could be deceiving me I feel bad and used and not turned on at all. So my physical pleasure actually depends on the matter.


Well you have to decide if he's deceiving you or not. Often it takes a long time to know someone's true nature.

I am very bad at this so how can I know? Is there a sign or clue I should look for?



slenkar
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11 Nov 2014, 6:51 pm

I guess
if he keeps pursuing you for a decent length of time?



InfoPunkie
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11 Nov 2014, 9:31 pm

Me personally I'd be completely open and honest and say something like this:

"Look, either way this won't change anything between us, I'm not really wanting to have a boyfriend or anything like that, but do you just want me for sex and if not why are you insisting on it so much? I like you but I do not fully understand where you are coming from and what your intentions are, it would make it a lot easier for me if you could please explain. Thank you."

I know it may sound weird, but I'm just an upfront kind of person and you tend to find that people will answer more honestly if you're upfront but non threatening with them (thus the nothing will change even if you're honest with me line).

But that's just me.



sly279
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12 Nov 2014, 5:25 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
Whether he is perverted and only interested in you for sex depends on a number of things:
-How long have you been dating? If you have been 'dating' exclusively for months and you haven't done anything intimate or sexual, then I can image that it might get frustrating to him after so much time. If a guy is attracted to you -physically, but also physically AND emotionally-, he WILL want to have sex with you after a while (well, unless he's asexual). It's biological.
-How does he interact with you when he talks with you about non-sexual things? What do you talk about? Do you feel like you have a connection? If he's talking about sex 50 percent of time that would be a definite red flag for me.


I might sometimes talk about sex 50 percent of the times in a conversation. I can get stuck on topics especially if I got worked up sexually.

doubt I could make it more then a month without trying to bring up the topic of sex if its an in person dealing.