Is it normal to not see people as physically attractive?

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Flypaste
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20 Nov 2014, 11:33 pm

I was talking to some of my NT friends, and I've just noticed something very odd about myself- I don't ever find women objectively pretty.

I can look at a girl who other people label as "hot", and they don't look significantly different from another person who is labelled as "ugly".
NTs can see a pretty girl, and they take a quick peek to admire them. I never notice it.

A stranger just looks like another person - gender doesn't matter. Just another person...
But then, it all changes when I get to know them.
If they're not smart I suppose "ditz" would be a good word, then they immediately seem ugly to me.
It's as if their physical features instantly transform, like they shape-shift.

They look the same, yet completely different.

Then, when I meet a person who's intelligent, who can keep up a debate with me, who loves learning (I love learning, and debating is one of the best sports), they instantly start appearing very attractive, no matter what their physical features are.
It's like the way somebody looks has zero bearing on how they look... which seems very weird to me.

The NT people I've talked to described beauty in many complicated ways, and how different things change it.
None of it meant anything to me, and none of it seemed to make sense.
But then, when I described all the different possible ways for somebody to be smart - wit, memory, passion, etc - it confused them just as much as their descriptions confused me. Has anybody else noticed this about themselves?

Is it an Asperger trait?
Am I just different to such an extreme extent?
I'm more NT than AS, which is what has me finding this so odd.



conundrum
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20 Nov 2014, 11:59 pm

Flypaste wrote:
A stranger just looks like another person - gender doesn't matter. Just another person...
But then, it all changes when I get to know them.
If they're not smart I suppose "ditz" would be a good word, then they immediately seem ugly to me.
It's as if their physical features instantly transform, like they shape-shift.

They look the same, yet completely different.

Then, when I meet a person who's intelligent, who can keep up a debate with me, who loves learning (I love learning, and debating is one of the best sports), they instantly start appearing very attractive, no matter what their physical features are.
It's like the way somebody looks has zero bearing on how they look... which seems very weird to me.


This happens to me too. :) It's like I'm looking right "through" them (metaphorically speaking).


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TeaEarlGreyHot
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21 Nov 2014, 12:09 am

Meh... I don't find men attractive until I've gotten to know them and feel some sort of connection. Women, however, are a different story. Objectively, I can see that they all have the same things but I see that some are more pleasing to my eye than others.

It's rare I'd see someone as ugly, though. :shrug:


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Venger
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21 Nov 2014, 4:02 am

Well most of the general population is average-looking or semi-ugly. Truly "hot" people are pretty uncommon and even then it's almost always a female.

But then again "how people look" seems to be something that's on your mind a lot in the first place, especially since this is just your third post on this site.



rainbowbutterfly
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21 Nov 2014, 4:02 am

Flypaste wrote:
I was talking to some of my NT friends, and I've just noticed something very odd about myself- I don't ever find women objectively pretty.

I can look at a girl who other people label as "hot", and they don't look significantly different from another person who is labelled as "ugly".
NTs can see a pretty girl, and they take a quick peek to admire them. I never notice it.

A stranger just looks like another person - gender doesn't matter. Just another person...
But then, it all changes when I get to know them.
If they're not smart I suppose "ditz" would be a good word, then they immediately seem ugly to me.
It's as if their physical features instantly transform, like they shape-shift.

They look the same, yet completely different.

Then, when I meet a person who's intelligent, who can keep up a debate with me, who loves learning (I love learning, and debating is one of the best sports), they instantly start appearing very attractive, no matter what their physical features are.
It's like the way somebody looks has zero bearing on how they look... which seems very weird to me.

The NT people I've talked to described beauty in many complicated ways, and how different things change it.
None of it meant anything to me, and none of it seemed to make sense.
But then, when I described all the different possible ways for somebody to be smart - wit, memory, passion, etc - it confused them just as much as their descriptions confused me. Has anybody else noticed this about themselves?

Is it an Asperger trait?
Am I just different to such an extreme extent?
I'm more NT than AS, which is what has me finding this so odd.


Whether you're NT or Aspie, people vary on what they consider attractive. According to what I've seen on the internet, there's the new term, sapiosexual, which has the definition of finding intelligence attractive,



Outrider15
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21 Nov 2014, 5:04 am

I am attracted to women, but equally attracted. As in, they all look exactly the same to me. None look more better than other's, they all just look good.

It's the personality that actually draws me to them more.

Is this what you mean? Or do you really just completely blind to attractive and unattractive features, and purely care about personality?

Either way both seem common in aspies, and that's not wrong...



Cafeaulait
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21 Nov 2014, 5:55 am

Same. A guy is just a poster on a wall to me if I don't know his character. I don't care about his pretty brown eyes, or his nice hair, or whatever traits other associate with value or nice qualities. While I have my preferences, looks don't do anything for me until I have gotten to know the person. All of a sudden their eyes become the most beautiful shiny orbs there are.



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21 Nov 2014, 6:23 am

While there's a lot of people who are pretty 'average' looking and don't stand out, I definitely see people who's features make them exceptional in appearance. When I used to ask about such things, of the girls who I tend to find 'hot', to other guys tastes as many of them seem to get described as 'cute' or 'average but kinda weird' as 'hot'.


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Flypaste
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21 Nov 2014, 4:46 pm

In response to Venger,
I've already gotten most of my problems fixed, you know, the basics- getting along, not being shy, things like that. So now, these are really the only things at the moment that I'm needing insight on. I spend a very large amount of time learning, and I put it all to use constantly. Compared to other people with Aspergers, I can navigate day-to-day activities easily using my vast amount of knowledge.

Outrider somehow knew exactly what I was trying to say, and said it much better than I.

funeralxempire also mentioned something quite interesting, in that I do find the people who NTs label as "weird", and avoid, much more interesting. Both guys and girls. I dress in a similar way; if everybody does it, I do it the opposite way to stand out.



funeralxempire
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21 Nov 2014, 5:05 pm

Flypaste wrote:
funeralxempire also mentioned something quite interesting, in that I do find the people who NTs label as "weird", and avoid, much more interesting. Both guys and girls. I dress in a similar way; if everybody does it, I do it the opposite way to stand out.


I was referring more to weird in appearance than personality, but I agree regarding that I also tend to find 'weird' personalities more interesting.

More specifically, instead of average but kinda weird, I could have said average, but kinda looks like a gnome since that's a comment I've heard more than once (with different girls being discussed) if I asked for clarification about how they were weird in appearance.


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