Why can't I find someone who isn't heartless?

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slenkar
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30 Nov 2014, 3:27 pm

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And perhaps you are just not meeting or surrounding yourself with the right women. If you are looking for a goofy nerdy women with interests such as yours, a bar or a miss pageant might not be the best place to find a woman that suits you.


This pretty much,

Also instead of waiting for the predators to approach you, you have to start approaching.



MetalFist
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30 Nov 2014, 3:57 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
MetalFist wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
MetalFist wrote:
I talked to women many times irl and tried to socialize as possible (didn't work). I can say this, that most of the time, i get tossed to the side and they seem to not want anything to do with me. I get misunderstood a lot and i wasn't even trying to take advantage of them, i just wanna get to know them and formed a friendship or beyond that. I'm already giving up doing that and just focus on my hobbies. Our whether be happy doing things that i love than to get hurt too many times.

tbh i'm a committed relationship type. (never dated anyone before)


Appearantly there is something "off" about the way you interact with women. You need to critically evaluate yourself when it comes to interacting with ladies. Perhaps ask your friends for feedback.


I interacted with them many times by approaching them in the right time. I talked with them and guess what? They lost interested of me real quick (or rather avoid me) after having a discussing. Most times, i can't even talk about what i like. I don't want to pretend to like something that i have little to no interested in what that person likes. I really don't see the point anymore.


What do you say when you talk to women? Do you talk in a very monotonous way? Do you come of as enthousiastic and real? Do you pose things in such a way that you come of as arrogant? Is your body language open and inviting or do you come off as aloof and insecure? Do you crack weird creepy jokes that hardly anyone but you understands? Do you only talk about yourself or do you also ask questions about them? What kind of questions do you ask? If you are obsessed with trains and have a monologue on trains you can't expect the average women to be interested in that.

And perhaps you are just not meeting or surrounding yourself with the right women. If you are looking for a goofy nerdy women with interests such as yours, a bar or a miss pageant might not be the best place to find a woman that suits you.

Try to reflect on these things and be honest with yourself. Ask others for true feedback. A self defeatist attitude won't get you anywhere.


Basically, it's mostly casual talking not like going and talking about what i like unless they ask what i like to do. Most of the time, i was being honest and kind to them. Keep that in mind, that i'm socially awkward and don't really like things like sports or fast cars. Also i'm mostly introverted. Bars, been there done that (i don't like it at all). Most feedback i got from others was positive and nothing negative. Most women i encountered irl are not interested in me. (yes i have move on and on and on to another, same result)


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downbutnotout
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02 Dec 2014, 8:41 am

OP, you can improve your ability to detect a lie but I think there's always a risk factor where you have to take a chance on trusting someone. Whatever keeps the people who are actually targeting others with bad intentions in mind away. They may come around, the point is to just recognize what they're after and send them off again.

Aside from that, I don't know... my latest addition to my human-repellent arsenal is my seemingly magical ability to turn a shy, gentle guy into a pushy as*hole overnight by acting interested in him. Ta-da! :lol:



CynicalWaffle
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02 Dec 2014, 11:00 am

I like how people are blaming MetalFist when he likely did nothing wrong.

Some women are just that mean, bro. Don't even worry about it. Lose yourself in hobbies instead. Maybe later in life you can finally find a decent woman who will listen to you, but that's as rare as stopping at a red light in Grand Theft Auto.....



Cafeaulait
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02 Dec 2014, 1:32 pm

CynicalWaffle wrote:
I like how people are blaming MetalFist when he likely did nothing wrong.

Some women are just that mean, bro. Don't even worry about it. Lose yourself in hobbies instead. Maybe later in life you can finally find a decent woman who will listen to you, but that's as rare as stopping at a red light in Grand Theft Auto.....


You have no idea about that. It MIGHT also be him. Plenty of people are blind to the way they communicate or the vibe they send out. It's also not a matter of 'blaming'. That sounds extremely negative.



yournamehere
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02 Dec 2014, 2:04 pm

Cafeaulait wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
I like how people are blaming MetalFist when he likely did nothing wrong.

Some women are just that mean, bro. Don't even worry about it. Lose yourself in hobbies instead. Maybe later in life you can finally find a decent woman who will listen to you, but that's as rare as stopping at a red light in Grand Theft Auto.....


You have no idea about that. It MIGHT also be him. Plenty of people are blind to the way they communicate or the vibe they send out. It's also not a matter of 'blaming'. That sounds extremely negative.


Telling someone they have a defeatest attitude after reading a couple of paragraphs, and telling someone else they are nonsensible, when it is not even a word? Then tell them about what you think, and be wrong about it, sounds extremely negative? Maybe it is in your nature to read people wrong.

Maybe some people are very selective :idea:

I'm positive, if the person who wrote the O.P., and myself included was willing to put up with just about anything, he and I, would not be single. I will be dealing with one of such said people in a few minutes. She really likes me, and has had a few fun times with me in the past. I like her too. As a friend. I am going to fix her car, and say byby. She is not my type. Emotionally abusive, and on anti psychotics. When we first met, she was soo nice.

So go ahead and tell me how much sence I don't make, and I will listen to others tell me I'm a controlling abuser, and all that jazz. :P



Cafeaulait
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02 Dec 2014, 3:24 pm

yournamehere wrote:
Cafeaulait wrote:
CynicalWaffle wrote:
I like how people are blaming MetalFist when he likely did nothing wrong.

Some women are just that mean, bro. Don't even worry about it. Lose yourself in hobbies instead. Maybe later in life you can finally find a decent woman who will listen to you, but that's as rare as stopping at a red light in Grand Theft Auto.....


You have no idea about that. It MIGHT also be him. Plenty of people are blind to the way they communicate or the vibe they send out. It's also not a matter of 'blaming'. That sounds extremely negative.


Telling someone they have a defeatest attitude after reading a couple of paragraphs, and telling someone else they are nonsensible, when it is not even a word? Then tell them about what you think, and be wrong about it, sounds extremely negative? Maybe it is in your nature to read people wrong.

Maybe some people are very selective :idea:

I'm positive, if the person who wrote the O.P., and myself included was willing to put up with just about anything, he and I, would not be single. I will be dealing with one of such said people in a few minutes. She really likes me, and has had a few fun times with me in the past. I like her too. As a friend. I am going to fix her car, and say byby. She is not my type. Emotionally abusive, and on anti psychotics. When we first met, she was soo nice.

So go ahead and tell me how much sence I don't make, and I will listen to others tell me I'm a controlling abuser, and all that jazz. :P


I am telling him he has a defeatist attitude, because that's what it comes across with ME after reading his posts. Who cares about whether nonsensible is not a word? English is not my first language. You sound extremely rigid and kind of obsessed. I saw you also commented on a number of others users who made a typo or used a wrong word. The only one who is reading people wrong is you. You also sound quite hostile, negative and frustrated, like I said before. So far, you've also not given any useful advice either. In fact, I've seen no advice from you at all. What exactly are you complaining about here anyway?



elBenedicto
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02 Dec 2014, 6:05 pm

I would say try and find something that you yourself love doing first.

When you invest in this you will learn more about yourself, and what things that you can and can't do - your strengths and weaknesses.

Lots of people meet their partners doing what they love because it provides common ground and a base to start the relationship on.

And also I wouldn't listen to negative and bitter comments about women as there are fantastic ones out there and yes also mean ones, but this is just human nature at the end of the day.

My advice: find what you love doing, and then love will follow.



alex
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02 Dec 2014, 6:17 pm

yournamehere wrote:
Telling someone they have a defeatest attitude after reading a couple of paragraphs, and telling someone else they are nonsensible, when it is not even a word? Then tell them about what you think, and be wrong about it, sounds extremely negative? Maybe it is in your nature to read people wrong.


Nonsensible is actually a word (even though its definition is slightly different from nonsensical and its usage is archaic).

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So go ahead and tell me how much sence I don't make, and I will listen to others tell me I'm a controlling abuser, and all that jazz. :P

" Sence" is not a word, archaic or otherwise.


Let's try to keep this discussion civil.


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androbot01
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02 Dec 2014, 6:51 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
slenkar wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont know why but it seems like 95% of the time I get conned, backstabbed and betrayed and with someone out for her own gain giving me false promises and lies and only to use me then toss me aside like garbage.


When you have aspergers you look fragile and an 'easy mark' so these types of people will seek you out.

I wish I wasnt an easy target and it sucks you hit the nail on the head. How do I avoid having such monsters like that seek me out because 9/10 they seek me out they destroy me within and it hurts, ...


I've had a similar pattern of experience, but with men. They seem to only want to use me for sex, that is, they have not shown interest in being a partner as well. I think I'm am viewed as low value.



slenkar
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02 Dec 2014, 7:03 pm

androbot01 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
slenkar wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont know why but it seems like 95% of the time I get conned, backstabbed and betrayed and with someone out for her own gain giving me false promises and lies and only to use me then toss me aside like garbage.


When you have aspergers you look fragile and an 'easy mark' so these types of people will seek you out.

I wish I wasnt an easy target and it sucks you hit the nail on the head. How do I avoid having such monsters like that seek me out because 9/10 they seek me out they destroy me within and it hurts, ...


I've had a similar pattern of experience, but with men. They seem to only want to use me for sex, that is, they have not shown interest in being a partner as well. I think I'm am viewed as low value.


The men who are doing this see that you are vulnerable (I wrote fragile before but I meant vulnerable) and therefore probably more susceptible to persuasion.
You just have to be selective.
Aspergians, as well as looking vulnerable are also quite naive. Because Aspergians have good intentions and are not predators they assume everyone else has good intentions too.
It takes a few bad experiences to learn. Hopefully by the time they learn, they dont have a criminal record or other permanent consequences to their learning experience.



downbutnotout
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02 Dec 2014, 7:25 pm

slenkar wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
slenkar wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont know why but it seems like 95% of the time I get conned, backstabbed and betrayed and with someone out for her own gain giving me false promises and lies and only to use me then toss me aside like garbage.


When you have aspergers you look fragile and an 'easy mark' so these types of people will seek you out.

I wish I wasnt an easy target and it sucks you hit the nail on the head. How do I avoid having such monsters like that seek me out because 9/10 they seek me out they destroy me within and it hurts, ...


I've had a similar pattern of experience, but with men. They seem to only want to use me for sex, that is, they have not shown interest in being a partner as well. I think I'm am viewed as low value.


The men who are doing this see that you are vulnerable (I wrote fragile before but I meant vulnerable) and therefore probably more susceptible to persuasion.
You just have to be selective.
Aspergians, as well as looking vulnerable are also quite naive. Because Aspergians have good intentions and are not predators they assume everyone else has good intentions too.
It takes a few bad experiences to learn. Hopefully by the time they learn, they dont have a criminal record or other permanent consequences to their learning experience.


Sad, but probably true. I try to be very forgiving when it comes to what's said and done because I know some people are just awkward and miscommunication is inevitable, but I suppose it's interpreted as weak boundaries that can be pushed.



MetalFist
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02 Dec 2014, 8:06 pm

slenkar wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
slenkar wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont know why but it seems like 95% of the time I get conned, backstabbed and betrayed and with someone out for her own gain giving me false promises and lies and only to use me then toss me aside like garbage.


When you have aspergers you look fragile and an 'easy mark' so these types of people will seek you out.

I wish I wasnt an easy target and it sucks you hit the nail on the head. How do I avoid having such monsters like that seek me out because 9/10 they seek me out they destroy me within and it hurts, ...


I've had a similar pattern of experience, but with men. They seem to only want to use me for sex, that is, they have not shown interest in being a partner as well. I think I'm am viewed as low value.


The men who are doing this see that you are vulnerable (I wrote fragile before but I meant vulnerable) and therefore probably more susceptible to persuasion.
You just have to be selective.
Aspergians, as well as looking vulnerable are also quite naive. Because Aspergians have good intentions and are not predators they assume everyone else has good intentions too.
It takes a few bad experiences to learn. Hopefully by the time they learn, they dont have a criminal record or other permanent consequences to their learning experience.


^This!


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Cafeaulait
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02 Dec 2014, 11:06 pm

slenkar wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
slenkar wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I dont know why but it seems like 95% of the time I get conned, backstabbed and betrayed and with someone out for her own gain giving me false promises and lies and only to use me then toss me aside like garbage.


When you have aspergers you look fragile and an 'easy mark' so these types of people will seek you out.

I wish I wasnt an easy target and it sucks you hit the nail on the head. How do I avoid having such monsters like that seek me out because 9/10 they seek me out they destroy me within and it hurts, ...


I've had a similar pattern of experience, but with men. They seem to only want to use me for sex, that is, they have not shown interest in being a partner as well. I think I'm am viewed as low value.


The men who are doing this see that you are vulnerable (I wrote fragile before but I meant vulnerable) and therefore probably more susceptible to persuasion.
You just have to be selective.
Aspergians, as well as looking vulnerable are also quite naive. Because Aspergians have good intentions and are not predators they assume everyone else has good intentions too.
It takes a few bad experiences to learn. Hopefully by the time they learn, they dont have a criminal record or other permanent consequences to their learning experience.


Absolutely true. I get approached by players a lot because appearantly I have that cutesy-pie face and seem quite shy (I guess which translates to insecure for them) at first. The two men I've dated didn't want me as a partner either, altough I don't know how much of that was attributeable to me being 'low value'. I think it was partially the men themselves; one was 10 years older than me and had already decided that he did not want a relationship anymore (he found that way too exhausting) and the other had so much issues to deal with (just recovered from a depression, fear of commitment by past experiences, under pressure for study, new job) that he just wasn't ready for a relationship with me. Both of these men did not treat me with the decency a man should treat me. But I will remain selective and try to build my confidence because I believe I have what it takes to be a very good girlfriend (which to me translates to high value).



yournamehere
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02 Dec 2014, 11:38 pm

O.k. maybe this is help, I don't know?
This may have something to do with something. I will just copy and paste stuff, because I guess I come off a little wrong, and have problems writing things off the top of my head without sounding like a..... whatever it may be.....

Neuroticism
Freud originally used the term neurosis to describe a condition marked by mental distress, emotional suffering, and an inability to cope effectively with the normal demands of life. He suggested that everyone shows some signs of neurosis, but that we differ in our degree of suffering and our specific symptoms of distress. Today neuroticism refers to the tendency to experience negative feelings. Those who score high on Neuroticism may experience primarily one specific negative feeling such as anxiety, anger, or depression, but are likely to experience several of these emotions. People high in neuroticism are emotionally reactive. They respond emotionally to events that would not affect most people, and their reactions tend to be more intense than normal. They are more likely to interpret ordinary situations as threatening, and minor frustrations as hopelessly difficult. Their negative emotional reactions tend to persist for unusually long periods of time, which means they are often in a bad mood. These problems in emotional regulation can diminish a neurotic's ability to think clearly, make decisions, and cope effectively with stress.

At the other end of the scale, individuals who score low in neuroticism are less easily upset and are less emotionally reactive. They tend to be calm, emotionally stable, and free from persistent negative feelings. Freedom from negative feelings does not mean that low scorers experience a lot of positive feelings; frequency of positive emotions is a component of the Extraversion domain.

Your score on Neuroticism is high, indicating that you are easily upset, even by what most people consider the normal demands of living. People consider you to be sensitive and emotional.

Neuroticism Facets

Anxiety. The "fight-or-flight" system of the brain of anxious individuals is too easily and too often engaged. Therefore, people who are high in anxiety often feel like something dangerous is about to happen. They may be afraid of specific situations or be just generally fearful. They feel tense, jittery, and nervous. Persons low in Anxiety are generally calm and fearless. Your level of anxiety is high.
Anger. Persons who score high in Anger feel enraged when things do not go their way. They are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter when they feel they are being cheated. This scale measures the tendency to feel angry; whether or not the person expresses annoyance and hostility depends on the individual's level on Agreeableness. Low scorers do not get angry often or easily. Your level of anger is high.
Depression. This scale measures the tendency to feel sad, dejected, and discouraged. High scorers lack energy and have difficult initiating activities. Low scorers tend to be free from these depressive feelings. Your level of depression is high.
Self-Consciousness. Self-conscious individuals are sensitive about what others think of them. Their concern about rejection and ridicule cause them to feel shy and uncomfortable abound others. They are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Their fears that others will criticize or make fun of them are exaggerated and unrealistic, but their awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. Low scorers, in contrast, do not suffer from the mistaken impression that everyone is watching and judging them. They do not feel nervous in social situations. Your level or self-consciousness is high.
Immoderation. Immoderate individuals feel strong cravings and urges that they have have difficulty resisting. They tend to be oriented toward short-term pleasures and rewards rather than long- term consequences. Low scorers do not experience strong, irresistible cravings and consequently do not find themselves tempted to overindulge. Your level of immoderateion is high.
Vulnerability. High scorers on Vulnerability experience panic, confusion, and helplessness when under pressure or stress. Low scorers feel more poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed. Your level of vulnerability is high.



yournamehere
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02 Dec 2014, 11:54 pm

+ introversion=¿