I CAnt Take this!

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I cannot seem to calm down at all. I did my shopping in my usual place...the place I used to be friends with a staff member until I accidentally offended her....sat around for a while, then headed home with my bag of shopping and book. I got almost home when I realised I had not got my little bag with my phone, debit card and house keys. I panicked and headed back as fast as I could, starting to cry as I went.
Went right to customer services where I just burst into full out crying, and was told nothing had been handed in and not our responsibility. My God, how callous can you get. I have no doubt in my mind it was due to their knowledge of what I had said when I offended their colleague by saying the store was part of the rat race.

I walked out of the store crying and I didn't know what to do, I felt like smashing everything in site. I stood in the entrace area just crying and people just stared at me as they passed like I was some sort of f'ing freak. I threw my shopping against the window and went back in and just wandered the store in tears, and threw some clothes off the racks. I had no idea what to do, my keys were in there and my only means of getting money and there was no-one to give a damn. I might as well have not existed.

In the end a staff member saw me stood crying and took me to the manager who got security to check the cameras and then back to the customer services desk, where after I had been stood there crying for 10 minutes while they made suggestions about cancelling my card, the as*hole who originally told me nothing had been handed in calmly unlocked a cupboard and bought out my bag, questioning me more about what was in it...and he said 'sorry for that'. It was obvious he was not sorry at all!

Now I feel totally alone, it has reinforced my belief that people are worthless, I f'ing hate people, I hate being in this world, I hate being me, and I have no wish to interract with the world in any way anymore. It has nothing for me anymore.

Who else falls apart in such a way? I couldnt deal calmly and rationally at all, I was going absolutely nuts in full public view, it was like the end of the world to me. Makes me realise just how hopeless and pointless it all is. And I have scratched my face and my mother will be very angry when I go to visit next week if I go and my face is all scratched.

Yeah thats terrible they put you through that. My sister lost her wallet at a large theme
park. But some one turned it in quickly and she had it back in no time.

I'm no good with advising this sort of thing, but boding it out will help. If you feel like smashing stuff, maybe you can separate a few useless objects (such as sticks or something) specifically for the use of smashing.

Damn, that's harsh. How did that bag get in the cupboard in the first place? That customer services guy should go and give himself a reverse bowel movement with a big, sharp stick.

The fact that no-one wanted to help, and the fact you were panicky and scared really says a lot about NT understanding, put simply, it's bollocks, you were obviously scared and no-one helped but it's natural you got p[anicky, especially for Aspies, you did nothing wrong, and it would not have happened had people helped you and recgonised you were prone to getting scared, it happens to all of us, but if the right people are there you need not worry.

yeah, i overreacted when i lost fifty dollars at the zoo. i didn't start bawling until got home.

also, i overreacted when my dad refused to buy me this stuffed animal. i ran out of the store and hide behind a door.

i hate how everyone just stares at you.

They might not have been deliberately nasty, more stupid.

Litigation culture is such that shop floor staff are often encouraged by their managers to avoid admitting liability for anything, and to be fair your bag IS your responsibility, not theirs. But some shop assistants are a bit dim and take everything too literally, plus they're not always smart enough to be tactful, hence the rudeness of the standard "not my problem" response. Similarly it's possible that they weren't smart enough to realise straight away that the bag in their care was actually yours.

I know losing your stuff is a very stressful experience but I'm concerned that it's made you slightly paranoid. I'm not disagreeing that they handled it badly, but I do wonder if they really handled it badly deliberately. It's ironic that you're so furious with the shop assistant for being disorganised under pressure, blunt and lacking in empathy when these are classic AS character traits! Time to live and let live, maybe?

As the end of sociable's post said, how come we are blamed with having a lack of empathy and emotional connection when they do the same?! I often find I connect with people more than NT's do (the end of Return of the King the movie gets me everytime).

The fact of the matter is, I was clearly in a bad state, but they did nothing to help the situation. And yes, I do have reason to be paranoid, given that on one occasion, not so long ago...soon after I had accidentally offended the staff member who was my friend, another staff member who I was talking to was radioed to be told I was 'a menace'. So yes, I have good reason to feel as I do regarding some of the staff. Anyone who has ever had a major meltdown will know how it feels at the time, and how you cannot react logically. You try your 'live and let live' philosophy if you are ever in the midst of a lot of pain and fear.

It's happened to me several times before.

Tim

I'm sorry Graelwyn. That really sucks. People can be such idiots.

What I am having trouble understanding is why, when at other times I am so rational, do situations like this result in such a totally irrational, fear driven, blind panic result? I know that autistic children are known to often have tantrums where they cry, scream and hit themselves etc, but Why have I not grown out of this? No matter how much I can rationalise once the event has passed, at the time, it is as if I am totally trapped and helpless... It is automatic. The fear just appears and I respond accordingly. All ability to calm down and formulate a plan of action disappears...to me, all I could think was... I cannot get home, I have no money, I have no one and no one can see that I cannot do anything because I have no keys and no phone and no money. I just don't understand it and find it humiliating that I am this 31 year old adult, who is otherwise highly logical...yes when something like this happens, my emotions speak first.

Now that you are calmer,I think you should consider talking to the head manager about the situation.Perhaps in a letter and a follow up visit?The person who gave you the original response was messing with you...believe me,they knew that the purse was there and it is the stores responsibility to return personal items of their patrons when they fiind them.

That person was either enjoying tormenting you are worse,were intending to use these items for their own purposes....I dont
think they should be working there and if you feel powerless right now....this would be one way to get some power back.Think of it as a public service.Any one who would do this is probably robbing the store blind.Perhaps the management would appriciate your informing them of this situation in a calm and logical manner?

As far as the emotional overload.....I think that is the fear response.....Who wouldnt be over whelmed in this situation...losing things that are hard to replace and a key to the one place you could retreat and gather your thoughts.I think the black and white thinking...our need for things to "be fair" can make us react this way in situations.I do think you might benefit from some therepy,(not because you are crazy but because the world is),from someone who understands AS.I was helped a lot by RET long before knowing about AS......It helped me stop the automatic slide into black in white thinking that leads to a lot of meltdowns.It doesnt alays work but it has helped me some what.

I wrote a letter earlier after my mother called... it seems someone, not myself, sent her a text from my phone, so I am assuming that someone in the store did that...they said something like we have your daughters phone here at asda. That makes no sense to me when it must have been obvious it was mine since I had said what was in the bag. This is the letter...


Dear Sir/Madam,

I have an issue which I would wish to complain about regarding an incident that occurred this evening, the 9th March 2007. I, as usual, had done my shopping and headed home, only to realise upon nearing home that I had somehow left my little bag, containing my room keys, phone and debit card. Naturally, I panicked, and because I suffer from Aspergers, which is a syndrome on the autistic spectrum, I found myself unable to cope with the situation as most other people might. I returned to the store and went directly to customer services upon seeing my bag was not on the bench where I had been sitting, only to be told that nothing had been handed in and it wasn’t their responsibility. By this time, I was in a terrible state and I think to simply say that was appalling under the circumstances. Finally, after wandering around the store crying because I had no idea what to do, a staff member asked what was wrong, and took me to a managerial staff member who took me back to the customer services desk.

After a security guard was sent to check the cameras and get his jacket to take me to the police station regarding this incident to cancel my bank card, the male staff member, named George, who originally told me nothing had been handed in, calmly unlocked a cupboard and took out my bag, saying simply, ‘sorry for that’. I am disgusted at this behaviour. No explanation was offered. I suffered in a needless way when it could have been resolved instantly and no concern whatsoever was shown for my welfare. Granted, most persons might not react in the extreme way I reacted to the loss of my property, but my autistic disorder means that I become overwhelmed by such things very quickly and cannot remain calm.

I would hope that maybe staff might be trained in dealing with such situations and be made a little more aware that such issues might arise on occasion. It is not a first time that I have had a situation with staff in your store, as only months ago, I was informed by the female staff member I was talking to that someone had told her over the radio that I was ‘A menace’. This left me very upset. I might be different, but that does not entitle staff to treat me as if I am some sort of subhuman. If I experience this sort of situation again, I will not hesitate to bring it to the attention of head office as I am a very regular customer and have shopped in your store for the last 2 years.

Regards.

That is the letter. As to the emotional issues, I feel ashamed of them. No one else here seems to have such extreme responses to things and it now makes me wonder if I am just outright mad. At the time, all I could see was endless, cold hearted strangers who disliked me.

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF NT'S PUSHING US AROUND AND GIVING US horses**t,I'M f*g SICK OF IT,ITS f*g BS,WE NEED TO FIGHT BACk,AND STRIKE FEAR AND TERROR INTO THE HEARTS OF ALL NT'S,JUST LIKE THEY DID TO US!! !! !

Thats a great letter.Make sure it gets inot the right hands.(make a copy,just in case).