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Joe90
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11 Dec 2014, 4:40 pm

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Are they laughing because you are by yourself and therefore they assume you have no friends?


No. when you're a grown-up, most of your friends are working or got kids, and haven't got time to always be hanging out all the time. in fact every time i go out i see more (young or older) on their own than those with people. The last time I got laughed at was when I was with my boyfriend. It wasn't anywhere near home, so these girls didn't know me from anywhere. He didn't notice because he had his back to them, but I noticed because I was facing them. I told him after, but he said not to worry about it.

Quote:
Do you listen to music on headphones while walking?

I used to have my music on headphones whilst walking around to block out all the people, but I started to think that I could do better without music when walking around because I like to hear what's going on around me. If somebody was calling me (like a friend or something), I would be oblivious to it with headphones in. So I do prefer to be alert and open to sounds.

Quote:
Do you look at these women first?

I like to observe my environment, but I don't directly look at anyone because I don't really like making direct eye contact with strangers. Since I have gone on anti-depressants I have been more able to feel less anxious about all the people and just filter them out and carry on doing what I'm doing. But despite being on the spectrum, I am very sharp with noticing body language. So on these last two occasions I got laughed at I just happened to just notice girls whispering and looking at me without me actually looking at them first. Just like them, I suppose. They were probably observing their environment too and then notice me and go ''ah that girl over there should be in the mental asylum....she's doing really out-of-the-ordinary stuff....like shopping in a supermarket and minding her own business....or having a drink in a restaurant chatting to what it looks like her boyfriend....let's make fun of her!'' (That was sarcasm). If grown people want to act like 10-year-olds and start laughing at somebody else for no reason, then they could at least do it when they are not in my ear/eye shot. I think of it as a form of bullying or harassment.

Quote:
Do you pay attention to other women in your environment? That alone can return unwanted attention. In urban areas I walk looking only at the path ahead of me, if I stand waiting for a bus, I play angry birds on my phone, basically avoiding/ignoring other people.

I do often distract myself on to other things to avoid looking at others without coming across as nervous. Like if I'm in a shopping centre I try to look towards the shops so it looks like I'm looking at stuff in the windows as I pass people. Or when I'm waiting at the bus stop I get out my phone and check Facebook or something. But I try not to always be distracted, and so if I'm not distracted I just sit casually. When walking in really quiet places, I absolutely despise passing people, because I feel like I've got to look at them. You can get away with looking the other way in busier places, but in quiet places it looks more obvious and unfriendly, but when I force myself to look at a passing stranger in a quiet place I think that they're going to glare at me or make me feel self-conscious in some other way. I don't bother to make the effort to smile or greet them (unless they look really friendly) because usually people just look at me like I'm a nut, even though nearly every NT tells me that most people do greet strangers in quiet places.

Quote:
Its good to laugh at yourself,

I have trouble laughing at myself when I'm not thinking or doing anything funny. I laugh at myself a lot, but not when I'm just sitting there doing something completely mundane. There's nothing to laugh about.


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Joe90
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11 Dec 2014, 4:40 pm

Quote:
Are they laughing because you are by yourself and therefore they assume you have no friends?


No. when you're a grown-up, most of your friends are working or got kids, and haven't got time to always be hanging out all the time. In fact every time I go out I see more people (young or older) on their own than those with people. Some people haven't got the choice. I know loads of NTs who go out on their own a lot, but they don't get laughed at. The last time I got laughed at was when I was with my boyfriend. It wasn't anywhere near home, so these girls didn't know me from anywhere. He didn't notice because he had his back to them, but I noticed because I was facing them. I told him after, but he said not to worry about it.

Quote:
Do you listen to music on headphones while walking?

I used to have my music on headphones whilst walking around to block out all the people, but I started to think that I could do better without music when walking around because I like to hear what's going on around me. If somebody was calling me (like a friend or something), I would be oblivious to it with headphones in. So I do prefer to be alert and open to sounds.

Quote:
Do you look at these women first?

I like to observe my environment, but I don't directly look at anyone because I don't really like making direct eye contact with strangers. Since I have gone on anti-depressants I have been more able to feel less anxious about all the people and just filter them out and carry on doing what I'm doing. But despite being on the spectrum, I am very sharp with noticing body language. So on these last two occasions I got laughed at I just happened to just notice girls whispering and looking at me without me actually looking at them first. Just like them, I suppose. They were probably observing their environment too and then notice me and go ''ah that girl over there should be in the mental asylum....she's doing really out-of-the-ordinary stuff....like shopping in a supermarket and minding her own business....or having a drink in a restaurant chatting to what it looks like her boyfriend....let's make fun of her!'' (That was sarcasm). If grown people want to act like 10-year-olds and start laughing at somebody else for no reason, then they could at least do it when they are not in my ear/eye shot. I think of it as a form of bullying or harassment.

Quote:
Do you pay attention to other women in your environment? That alone can return unwanted attention. In urban areas I walk looking only at the path ahead of me, if I stand waiting for a bus, I play angry birds on my phone, basically avoiding/ignoring other people.

I do often distract myself on to other things to avoid looking at others without coming across as nervous. Like if I'm in a shopping centre I try to look towards the shops so it looks like I'm looking at stuff in the windows as I pass people. Or when I'm waiting at the bus stop I get out my phone and check Facebook or something. But I try not to always be distracted, and so if I'm not distracted I just sit casually. When walking in really quiet places, I absolutely despise passing people, because I feel like I've got to look at them. You can get away with looking the other way in busier places, but in quiet places it looks more obvious and unfriendly, but when I force myself to look at a passing stranger in a quiet place I think that they're going to glare at me or make me feel self-conscious in some other way. I don't bother to make the effort to smile or greet them (unless they look really friendly) because usually people just look at me like I'm a nut, even though nearly every NT tells me that most people do greet strangers in quiet places.

Quote:
Its good to laugh at yourself,

I have trouble laughing at myself when I'm not thinking or doing anything funny. I laugh at myself a lot, but not when I'm just sitting there doing something completely mundane. There's nothing to laugh about.


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izzeme
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12 Dec 2014, 7:45 am

the best way i found to accept being laughed at is to laugh at yourself.
if you don't take yourself too seriously, you will be laughed at less, and if you do, you will care less.

usually, if i do something stupid or silly, it creates an open door for a joke at my expence; most of the time, i kick in that door myself, with all the grace that i have (none), so i make a fool out of myself, while trying to make a fool out of myself.
sprinkle in a bit of "i ment to do that" and you're good.



Amity
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12 Dec 2014, 11:58 am

I have no idea why this is happening to you, sometimes people have a mean streak, bullies will always exist, if you are attractive and well presented that may just catch their attention. Maybe the suggestion is correct that these women are displaying their own insecurities openly in public... you might find comical value in that alone... numpties!! ! :lol: :wink: :lol:

And this:

izzeme wrote:
the best way i found to accept being laughed at is to laugh at yourself.
if you don't take yourself too seriously, you will be laughed at less, and if you do, you will care less



Falloy
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28 Jan 2015, 4:53 pm

I can totally sympathise with the OP. I get laughed at in the street and I've never been able to brush it off. It hurts like Hell.

It happens a lot less than it used to. It's of course teenagers and young people that do it and it's mainly girls (I think boys realise that I'm big enough to turn on them but of course that isn't an appropriate response to girls).

I have always taken a great deal of care with my grooming and my dress so it is especially hurtful to be singled out. It's like they're saying "you'll never be quite good enough to be normal. You're not like us - you're a freak".

The fault is probably in my body language, posture, gait (the latter two possibly affected by a back injury I have) and facial expression. There is also the issue of whether I'm just ugly or "funny-looking".

I can tell myself that these people are immature and heartless but these thoughts carry no weight, I can't hate them . I can't really bring myself to believe that they are really wrong. It makes me feel slightly less than human.

I can't offer any helpful advice. It helps me to be able to tell someone I can trust after I've been laughed at but I have to be very careful who I tell - a few people I've told have found my distress really funny too :(



Lazar_Kaganovich
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28 Jan 2015, 4:58 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I can't accept having these horrible vibes that make me suddenly become noticeable to girls my age and causes them to whisper and laugh. I've tried everything in the book how to not get laughed at, etc etc. I know how to dress stylish. I know how to stay hygienic and well-groomed. I don't do odd things like flap my hands or rock, and I don't do things that are creepy to other people like talk to myself loudly or anything like that. I've even worked on my posture, and a lot of close (trusting) people like family and friends have said that I look more confident in my posture. And yet I'm still hilarious enough to get noticed and laughed at.

And it's always by other GIRLS of my age. Not teenagers, they don't seem to notice me at all any more. Just girls in their 20's it seems. Never boys. People often say that other girls laugh at me because they're jealous or insecure, but why would being jealous of a random stranger they will never see again cause them to laugh? I don't buy that. And a lot of people say not to let it get me down, but I can't help it. Like most normal girls, I become self-conscious when I feel people are judging me. I don't want to be somebody who gets laughed at. I am not deformed or spastic or dirty. I'm just an ordinary young woman, and when other young women laugh at me, it makes me feel undignified. I really don't know why some humans have to be like this. It doesn't do me any good. I know I'm in control of my actions and posture and everything, but however normal I look and act, I still can't shake off these ''laugh at me!'' vibes I must give off. I can't go on through life like this. How do I get rid of these f*****g vibes? Or is there a way to accept that I'm just uncontrollably a weirdo according to these vibes I give off? I thought most girls grew out of this behaviour by early 20's? And then they say Aspies are immature. At least I would never laugh at anybody, not even somebody who IS different. I have empathy, that's why.



The world doesn't run on empathy I'm afraid to say. When people see you as different from themselves(not everyone but >50% of humanity), their empathy gets turned off. Also, when people don't know you and have never met you but see you as a stranger in public it's hard for them to see you as a person. In order for them to treat you as a fellow human being, they have to actually interact with you.

izzeme wrote:
the best way i found to accept being laughed at is to laugh at yourself.


No, the best way to deal with being laughed at is to laugh back at those who make fun of you. Don't get mad, get even! :mrgreen:

So my advice to Joe90 is that if you can't ignore it, learn the art of sarcasm and make snarky, derisive comments at them with a smirk on your face. Do not show anger, sadness, humiliation, or timidness to strangers in public if at all possible.