The Never-Had-A-Bf/Gf Red Flag

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It's just a rote question that deserves a rote answer.("Just haven't found that special someone") What would raise a red flag is a deeply detailed and tortured response.

Yeah, I can see that would be annoying. Maybe prepare a resume to hand them if they ask...

But I suppose my own initial reaction, if in that situation would be not to reveal much about myself. Keep it an unknown and force them to 1) Bail 2) Figure it out for themselves. Its a bit gaming, but you want to keep some mystery, especially early on. So maybe respond that you don't like to talk about previous relationships or gfs. That leaves it ambiguious on whether there were any previous ones.

I guess that should count as “not desperate enough”. I wish there were a single woman within twenty years of my age on the whole face of the Earth who wanted to have sex with me for its own sake, even if it’d be just once, no matter whether she’d want to be my girlfriend or not, or whether she’d want to see me ever again—and not by any weird definition of “sex”. In fact, I’m not really sure I’d want to meet her, because I wouldn’t believe she wants to have sex with me, and I’d seriously doubt her sanity, so any kind of contact with her would probably be abuse on my part. So I’d be better off enjoying the precious chance to turn her down, a chance I don’t expect to have in my whole life, after all.

If someone has never have had a girlfriend or boyfriend before they may be a diamond in the rough, the only way to find out is to be actually interested in them and give them a chance. A real red flag are people who go through partners once every few weeks or who have divorced multiple times, then you are most certain they do not make good partners.

It seems however, most of the world thinks the other way around.

Dating is all marketing. Think of it like someone asking "Why has this car been on the lot never been sold? What's wrong with it?"

The best answer is the honest answer, but you have to phrase it right. So how do you answer "Why have you never been on a date?"

Here are a few options:
1) "I've never really tried. People are hard for me to connect with, and it was hard to meet a new person and do that without being beyond where I was comfortable."

Why this is good: You're being honest, you're admitting that you have a comfort zone, that it matters to you and thus it's a standard. You're not going to go and be uncomfortable, you're going to wait for when it feels right for you.

2) "I'm skeptical of dating. The usual way it goes doesn't work for me, I'd rather do <thing that you don't mind doing with people you don't know well> with someone and get to know them, but then we just end up becoming friends because romance isn't on the table from the start"

Why this is good: Again honesty, admitting that the usual dating system doesn't work for you, and it makes it all very understandable (this happens to me a lot, honestly).

3) "Because I'm oblivious and don't pick up on when someone likes me until the moment is fast, but I have ended up with some good friends that I like to chat with"

Why this is good: If you have a lot of friends of the opposite sex this one works, especially if it's honest. IT also plays into the pop culture icon of the sweet but oblivious male, and shows that you're acceptable to have around to other females.

4) "Because I keep to myself and my own interests, I've thought about it before, but it always seemed too intimidating and less interesting than just doing my own thing."

Why this is good: It's honest, it shows you as not needy, but likely inexperienced, and not looking for an overwhelming experience, it gives you room to explain why the reasons for that may be, and have that be a dialogue from the start.

All of these are not guaranteed to work 100% of the time, but they give you an ability to get past the question or transition into a conversation that can be quite okay about and non NT things you have going on. Yes, some people won't be interested, and even if they are they may not be a good fit, but remember you're interviewing them just as much as they're interviewing you. You're not begging for scraps, you want someone that wants to be there.

Some other answers could be "I was busy trying to get thru school" or "I was busy building my career" or you could really flatter them-"I was just waiting to find someone as awesome as you"