How do you stay in a job?

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Currently I'm one of the lucky 15-20% of autistic people (not sure what the Aspie specific figures are) who actually have a job, and now I'm really worried about staying in employment. 99% of the time my social skills are passable. The problem is the 1% when things go really wrong because that's often what people notice. I work somewhere which I think is relatively Aspie-friendly, relatively being the key word. The upsides are appreciated. The preferring individual working is finally respected in performance management although less so in recruitment. Sensory difficulties are a work in progress but there is good progress. Those moments when you really piss people off or have meltdowns are still not coped with by our system at all. If you're really lucky and melt down at someone who understands ASD you probably won't be subjected to any actual disciplinary proceedings but you may have just ruined your performance marking for the entire year. And every time I screw up I alienate people I need to have a good working relationship with.

I've also just got a new team leader. She's a sickly sweet people person, about as NT as they come. She may be really good as she's been interested in how to get the best out of people. However, she's not so hot on problems people have. I haven't seen her actually upset anyone yet, but she does have a really bad habit of saying "I completely understand, but..." whenever someone has a problem with something. What she says after the "but" shows she doesn't understand at all and is not open to having her mind changed. I'm concerned that if I went to her with Aspie problems I'd get the "I completely understand, but..." treatment where the next line would be "your behaviour is unacceptable" or something along those lines. I might be completely wrong though.

I'm considering quitting for a completely unrelated reason (I want to move to another city). Recent events have really pushed me in that direction as I fear I might have burnt one bridge too many. Part of me wants that as it's a big decision I almost want made for me. But if I got a new job I'd only be resetting the clock, I'd make new screwups and alienate more people there. Does it ever end?

"I completely understand, but..." or "That may be, but..." are canned expressions. They are taught in management courses, customer service courses, and assertive communications courses to be a cover-all so that the "talker" can keep talking without any regard for what the "listener" thinks or says. Another clever business phrase is "assuming that what you are saying is true..." It is a subtle way to cast doubt about the other person's character, veracity, intelligence, or understanding so that others hear it. Anytime one hears the word "but..." it is a sure cue that the one saying has no regard for what you have to say.. Managers are not highly regarded where I work. It's a large global company for science and technology. Our managers are typically MBA types that wouldn't know the difference between a critical piece equipment and a bubble gum machine. Our managers change about every three years and once our division ran for two years without a manager. So what does that say? How do I stay employed? As soon as I hear the word "but...", I stop talking immediately and play along. I smile and nod and have nothing more to say. : )

I think it never ends. At every waking moment I may be on the verge of alienating someone, but that's what everyone is. You can never have everyone like you, that's just how it is. As people ourselves with ASD we have to work extra harder to maintain working relationships. No matter what happens, the bullets still travel and you have to deal with them. I recently had a co worker stop talking to me because I asked them if they were gay. I mean, we talked for quite a bit and I had said before hand its a personal question. But this person was too immature to even hold a conversation with me but I will say something to him that is only work related.

P.S. I feel like I am the only waitstaff with ASD.

I came out after a year and gave a full disclosure. Actually, I don't know how I am still employed. I do not melt down but I also make time on my lunch hour to get away and I also excuse myself from situations when I feel I am not in a good way. I head to the basement or go to the bathroom.i am blunt and honest. Somehow it works for me.

You shouldn't expect a manager to be an expert in everything. Nor should you expect a manager to acknowledge that fact. There use to be the good old days in which managers would come through the ranks and know a little about everything--those days are gone. Perhaps for the better--those were not good days for folks with disabilities.

The best way to stay employed is to do stuff nobody else can or wants to do. You have to be careful, though, you don't want to be stuck doing all the low value work. Ideally, you would do the head scratching stuff where you do clever stuff with your brains.

It never ends, true. I have been living in constant fear even before I realised that I may be on the spectrum and even more since as my doctor advised me against getting diagnosed saying it would go against me. Actually to date three different doctors all said the same thing.

And I think it's even more difficult for someone like me who is a female and very capable of passing for NT in superficial situations. The trouble is then when people want to deepen the relationship and start bringing emotions into it that you normally as a male would never have to put up with or be expected to deal with in a work place.

People HUG ME at work. They sit so close to me that I can feel them on my skin. They think that because we are females and get on well, this is acceptable. Probably someone who is NT would be over the moon. I just want to kill myself, I feel so violated on one hand and so frustrated that any attempts to explain the situation always backfire even if I say about autism or aspergers, people still don't understand and get upset when you ask them not to touch you or respect your personal space.

Other females have emotional expectations at work; you have to listen to them complain but you are not allowed to offer any solutions or suggestions for improvement. I don't know how to listen in that way. I try but it seems fake and forced - because it is! But then people get upset that you are not nice to them and are not there for them when they are upset.
Small talk is a nightmare. I can do it with strangers very easily but it kills me having to make conversation about nothing. I don't know how to do it and then instead end up over sharing and going on about some special interest or other.

I also want to move somewhere but don't know that I can function /make money anywhere else, specially when I have to factor in all sorts of new people and new behaviours. *shiver*

I feel very bleak about my future.

Where do you work that people think it is okay to hug you? Seriously?? Hugging is not ok at work, unless there is a dire circumstance, like an operation or the person is leaving. And sitting close that you are touching?? Whoa. Way too much for most people, I would think.

I think that the way I make small talk is the following: I memorize the preferences and family of the few people that I work with, and remember to ask them about them from time to time. I also make myself care about these few things, as I would like to be asked about the things that I care about. That's the way I think about it. Like "how's your daughter doing? Is her school play still on?' not every day but every few days. Or 'that looks like a new dress. Where did you get it?' Yeah, it feels fake. But they like it. So that is important. I have been told by family that I have to discuss shopping a lot more often for that same reason.

Maybe I am being cynical, but I feel that no matter what I do, I will not fit in, so that it is important that at least I like myself for who I am, because I try so hard to do the right thing for everyone. There are days that I never feel that I will win. Like, I work so hard at one area of my job, only to get comments about the other area. Or, I work hard at the other area, which involves purchasing, but because the supplier is understocked in certain items, I still experience difficulty. Do you ever feel like you can never win? I feel like my executive functioning really gets me down.

But then there are other days, where I get to work in inclusive programs, with children of all abilities and I get the feeling of doing an awesome and worthwhile job.

I think we live in the age today where most people move from job to job within 2-4 years. Nowadays it's just really hard staying with the same job and company. The reason is because of the lack of advancement in many places and of courses raises are few and far between that fall behind inflation. Nowadays most people (myself included) need to move from job to job because getting a new job will make us more money in the long run than staying at one place because job experience in one role can lead to a better role for more money at another company. The days of people working at a company for over 30 with a great retirement plan/pension are over.