People treating you badly then accusing you of overreacting

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Based on the limited information, I am inclined to agree with leaving that situation, maintaining his friendships shouldn't take precedence over tolerating threatening behavior towards you. What will be tolerated next? Why do you have to do the accommodating?

I hope she's doing better too. Thanks very much for the link.

I hate to say this, but as long as you're the "outsider" you must conform to their culture (including language).
When you use big words and stuff of that nature, it comes a crossed to others as talking down to them and/or imposing on them.
Same goes with acting different.

I get it from my own family, including my grandmothers about refusing to conform...!

If their relationship with your husband is older than yours, then you will to a degree come second.
There is always pecking order based on age of relationships.

You could drag your husband to therapy.
If not you could put him on warning, that you won't tolerate this much longer and will leave if nothing changes.

You may need to consider finding someone who is willing to put you FIRST!

With that said, you are supposed to put everyone first, if you want to keep them in your life.
Though this regularly causes conflict of interests.

I also agree that you have to leave the relationship. Leave your husband behind with his buddies.

She contiues on this page, viewtopic.php?t=277985&p=6510780.

This is a well known tactic of sociopaths, attack you first then say that you're overreacting, don't fall for it. Keep calling them out on their BS hard, and they'll leave you alone..

If there are multiple other "friends" in the same space as you and your husband then the rules of hierarchy will apply. They have numbers and thus power and you do not. Your opinion doesn't matter unless it furthers the opinion of the group or those with power inside the group, if it contradicts those opinions it's a threat to the hierarchy itself and must be punished-- in this case threat of violence is the punishment. Your husband won't back you up because he doesn't want to be punished by the hierarchy for non-compliance. His role in said hierarchy is to keep you in line since you're a disruption to the entire organization of the hierarchy.

I know a lot of people think hierarchy talk is BS, but most complex interactions that leave autistics confused can easily be explained by talking about power structure and where they fit into said power structure. It's not a pleasant thing to think about, but for all our "advancement" we're still just animals using animal techniques (pack mentality) to keep society afloat.

Lol, just realized this was a necrobump.

Sorry I did that.