Should I disclose?

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Maybe this girl has social anxiety and that's why she's stood you up twice?

She's the last girl who'd have social anxiety. She's outgoing. She's in a social profession (teacher). She's a solo traveler. She once spent several years living and working in Java before returning to Australia. Those with social anxiety don't just decide to live in a country where they don't know anyone.

Hah! I should have told my psychiatrist that when he tried to diagnose me with social anxiety. I've lived in three countries where I didn't know anyone. By choice.


Is she buying you lunch as in taking you out for lunch? Hopefully she is very apologetic.

In fact, people with social anxiety get anxious more around the acquaintances/environment they know the most.

Living elsewhere is a perfect relief for them.

That must be an interesting story. Why did you want to do that?She was.

[quote="yellowtamarin]
Is she buying you lunch as in taking you out for lunch?[/quote]Yes, her shout.

try to get to know this person a little before even THINKING of disclosing...

if the person is relatively open minded trustworthy and likeable, prepare a creative way of explaining it... and explain it like an intellectual particularity, and the science behind it, do not associate it directly with yourself. TONS of people have it, maybe even other people she knows.

hell, last time I was with a girl (she was my student, but I think she wanted to date me after a few lessons) anyway, she was talking about her kid, and development and how best to raise the kid and instinctively brought up wiring and how children learned, and what education approaches seemed effective to whom and used Aspergers as a contrasting example of strengths and weaknesses. In short I kinda ranted, and even started talking about Simon Baron-Cohen's research and theories behind Aspergers, she seem very impressed and them I inadvertently admitted I had asperger too. And she took it well, she said "so then Aspergers is what makes people like you so smart?" needless to say, my ability to blather knowledge to people was something she was really taken by. I really regret not trying to have a relationship with her, but she was a parent and lived in another country and I was her tutor...

Ugh. It's hard to get it right when you're typing on a phone. Why did they put a short fuse on the edit button? It used to last two days. I used to use it to fix my quoting mistakes. Now it only seems to last for a few minutes.

So she apologized profusely for cancelling. She didn't mention the time before that when she had also cancelled. She wanted to set up another date at the pizza buffet again. I agreed (though I was kind of wishing she'd choose a less calorific venue because she's already quite overweight). She wanted to go on Saturday. She called to cancel just before I was about to leave. She said we could go on Monday, her treat she said. So she rings me up today. She wants to change it to a picnic near my house just because the pizza place charges a bit extra on public holidays (what a cheapskate she is, do guys ever complain when they get charged extra on a date, this is probably the first time she'd ever paid for a date before). I say she should pack the picnic lunch not me, because she owed me lunch. This started a small argument just because I dared mention that she owed me lunch, implying that she'd canceled on me. She didn't like me bringing up her past misdeeds. It's not like I mentioned the number of times she'd canceled on me (that number being three). Anyway, we agree to go on this picnic then she texts back to me that she wants to end it because "we don't get along very well".

No we don't. I don't think I'm at fault. I just felt like one of those guys in a domcom, Ray Romano for example. Like when Ray does something bad, he never hears the end of it from Debra. When Debra does something bad, she doesn't apologise and then when Ray points out how bad the thing she did was, she says "How dare you say that!" and then at the end of the episode Ray ends up apologising anyway even though it started with something that was Debra's fault. But women only act like that on TV, right?

Anyway, what I'm getting at is this girl sounds like a hypocrite. She expects me to put up with her misdeeds, even her cancelling three times in a row (four now, since she cancelled the picnic) but if I do something wrong, she acts like it's terrible. Even if the only thing I did wrong was alluded to something she'd done wrong.

Well I'm glad it's over. I'm glad I only wasted a little time pursuing her. More time to chase other girls now. I'm glad it didn't take months or years for her to show her true colours. And we have less common interest than I thought. I mean, I originally passed over her profile, thinking I wouldn't get on with this girl who's obsessed with pink things. She didn't even mention that she liked video games in her profile.

Then she messages me and starts saying that I'm great because I have a lot of video games. She says my MAME cabinet is awesome. I text her a picture of it and she swoons. I tell her I have a Super Nintendo and she's like "oh my god that's awesome". And then a while later she's going on about how she loves pink things and she has a pink car. Pink is too girly, even for girls to like. Maybe she was just pretending to like Super Nintendo games. Maybe it was all an act. How much effort do girls put into impressing guys?

Why don't they have any cute tomboys anymore. You know, the sort who like guy stuff but still have girlishly good looks. The type like Kaylee from Firefly. Actually I know a Tomboy who likes video games but she already has a boyfriend. Some of my friend's girlfriends make a minimal effort to feign interest in video games. I wouldn't mind if a girl was honest about not liking video games, just so long as in a few years I don't end up moving into a townhouse where everything inside has been spraypainted pink.

And the absolute worst part, was she was going on about how cute her two week year old niece was. I think she was trying to imply that she wanted to have a kid of her own. This horrified me to the core. I hate children. I was thinking if I ended up going with her I'd have to have a vasectomy (but how to cover the scar ). I think she's probably one of those girls who likes kids because she says she loves her job as primary school teacher. That would be the job from Hell for me.

So now I'm freed up to look for a girl who's younger, prettier, thinner and possibly more Asian. I mean, I have seen some fat girls who were still pretty but this girl wasn't one of them. She looked like John Howard in a dress. And at twenty seven years old she was over the hill. I'm sure I can find some nice girl in her early twenties.

Exactly! I don't want to be ashamed of who I am. Girls impressed by guys who are ashamed to be themselves. And if I pretend to be someone else, then I might end up with a girl who likes me for who I pretended to be, not who I am. I wouldn't want to keep up the facade for years and if she finds out I'm not who I pretended to be she'd be disappointed. Girls aren't impressed by guys who pretend to be someone they're not.

If I'm dating a girl who has a stigma against aspies, it would be better for me to find out sooner rather than later. If I wait months to tell her, and then find out she dislikes aspies, that would mean I'd wasted months of time. Time during which I was in a monogamous relationship and therefor passing by other girls. But if I find out sooner rather than later, then she's either OK with it or not and if not, I'm freed up to pursue other girls.

And yet, sometimes I feel like I'm putting on an act anyway. Not only when I'm dating but just around people in general. Not because I'm specifically trying to convince people I'm NT but just because I'm trying to trick myself into being more charismatic. Sort of like when I'm around people if I act confident for a while I start actually getting more confident. Maybe I really am a fake. Maybe I was a fake all along

Sorry, I missed this before. I just...wanted to. It's easier to meet people at backpacker hostels etc when you are alone, so it's actually a better experience IMO. If you are with someone, other people tend to leave you alone more. Also I'm a bridge burner and like to just get away from everything and everyone I know every now and then.

No problemInteresting I never thought of such a thing. I always thought I'd have to find a travelling partner to see other countries, not because I fear being alone but because I fear people seeing me alone. I fear they'll think I'm a nigel no friends. That's why I like being alone by myself but I dislike being alone with other people.

Maybe my fears were exaggerated. Maybe backpacker hostels are full of friendly tourists who won't mock me for being alone but rather will see it as an opportunity to hang out. Most of my friends are too poor for travelling.

Correct. At least that's how it was 10 years ago. YHA hostels.

This was your mistake to bring up that she owes you lunch. If she's willing to reschedule the date, then never bring up that she "owes" for cancelling it the last time. In fact, it's better if you're even willing to pay yourself rather than get hung up on who "owes" who. At least you've still got a second chance and that's what matters.

I say you should disclose. Be open about who you are. If the other person doesn't understand, or runs away, they're worthless, judgmental, and ignorant and you're better off without them.

I was fishing for information about whether she wanted me to bring anything. I don't really do picnics so I wanted to ensure that I didn't. She's the one who said she owed me last week. She admitted herself that standing me up was a sh***y thing to do and said she wanted to make it up to me by buying me lunch.

Then she wants to cheap out on it because it will cost an extra ten bucks. Hell, I was going to pay for that date before she stood me up, I was going to pay for every date afterwards. Bare in mind that she makes $65,000 a year and I only make $55,000 a year and yet she still acts like a cheapskate?

$10 surcharge for public holiday? If she didn't cancel lunch on Saturday for the most ridiculous reason (she said her parents guilted her into spending time with her sister, a 27 year old should not allow her parents to control her) then she wouldn't have shifted it to Monday (Australia Day) and then there wouldn't be the public holiday surcharge of $5 each.

And you say I made a mistake? You're right. I did make a mistake. No one's perfect. But what makes me mad is that she thinks one mistake is a dumpable offense. She made several mistakes but did I want to drop her for them? No. How long can someone go without making a single mistake? It's wrong to expect someone to be perfect. No one's perfect.

Normally I'd be willing to pay for both even though she makes more money than I do. Money is one thing but I just didn't want to pack a picnic lunch. I don't like picnics in general. Cold food. More privacy than in a restaurant I guess but still.

I was actually thinking of suggesting our second date be a long hike through the Adelaide Hills (something I enjoy anyway) because I wanted to surreptitiously get her to lose weight without having to say she's fat. At least picnic food is low fat.

Maybe a picnic at the top of Mount Lofty would have been good. There are car parks at both top and bottom and a trail in between. We could have parked at the bottom and hiked up for our picnic. The view of the whole city is quite spectacular.No I don't. She told me it was over. Through a text. She even unfriended me on Facebook. I shouldn't complain about that. I don't need to waste anymore time on a hypocritical b***h like her. I'm not mad at her because she makes mistakes. I'm mad at her because she makes mistakes while expecting me to be perfect.