Should I disclose?

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I was fishing for information about whether she wanted me to bring anything. I don't really do picnics so I wanted to ensure that I didn't. She's the one who said she owed me last week. She admitted herself that standing me up was a sh***y thing to do and said she wanted to make it up to me by buying me lunch.

Then she wants to cheap out on it because it will cost an extra ten bucks. Hell, I was going to pay for that date before she stood me up, I was going to pay for every date afterwards. Bare in mind that she makes $65,000 a year and I only make $55,000 a year and yet she still acts like a cheapskate?

$10 surcharge for public holiday? If she didn't cancel lunch on Saturday for the most ridiculous reason (she said her parents guilted her into spending time with her sister, a 27 year old should not allow her parents to control her) then she wouldn't have shifted it to Monday (Australia Day) and then there wouldn't be the public holiday surcharge of $5 each.

And you say I made a mistake? You're right. I did make a mistake. No one's perfect. But what makes me mad is that she thinks one mistake is a dumpable offense. She made several mistakes but did I want to drop her for them? No. How long can someone go without making a single mistake? It's wrong to expect someone to be perfect. No one's perfect.

Normally I'd be willing to pay for both even though she makes more money than I do. Money is one thing but I just didn't want to pack a picnic lunch. I don't like picnics in general. Cold food. More privacy than in a restaurant I guess but still.

I was actually thinking of suggesting our second date be a long hike through the Adelaide Hills (something I enjoy anyway) because I wanted to surreptitiously get her to lose weight without having to say she's fat. At least picnic food is low fat.

Maybe a picnic at the top of Mount Lofty would have been good. There are car parks at both top and bottom and a trail in between. We could have parked at the bottom and hiked up for our picnic. The view of the whole city is quite spectacular.No I don't. She told me it was over. Through a text. She even unfriended me on Facebook. I shouldn't complain about that. I don't need to waste anymore time on a hypocritical b***h like her. I'm not mad at her because she makes mistakes. I'm mad at her because she makes mistakes while expecting me to be perfect.

Just as an aside, do not even consider dating a large woman again. If one contacts you, ignore her. Reading through your posts here, you will go into it having little respect for her (and will sneakily try to "change her" within the first few dates!) and that's a sh***y way to begin a relationship.

I know it's wrong of me to try to change people but they're the only women who date me. I've never once dated a woman of healthy weight. Maybe those ones are out of my league.

OK so I guess you're right that it's wrong to be sneaky but would it be wrong for me to openly suggest a woman get a script for duromine/phentermine? I used to be morbidly obese but now I'm in the middle of the healthy weight range. Those pills were invaluable to me. Might they not help someone else or would it be wrong for me to suggest it?

It depends if she wants to lose weight and has expressed that she does, and that she is open to suggestions on how to do so. She might be happy with her weight, and if so, I don't think she'd appreciate hearing that you want her to change for you, or that you don't like her the way she is, if you are romantically involved.

I go into dating with the view that the person I meet is the person I'd be with. Sure, they may change, but I work off the assumption that they won't, unless they indicate otherwise. The early stages of dating involve getting to know who that person is, it does not involve trying to "fix" the bits you don't like.

Yes, I see your point. Some bigger women are already trying to lose weight. They can do it the hard way if they want but sometimes I wonder if they just haven't heard of duromine. In my experience it makes weight loss far easier. I suppose it's OK for me to help and advise them in their endeavors.

On the other hand, some bigger women aren't trying to lose weight. Now I see that I should not try to change women or allow them to change me. I should not settle for women I'm not attracted to or who have incompatible personalities just because I think I can't do any better or out of fear of being alone.

Key to Good dating and relationships- Noone keeps score of who does what for the other, or who owes you anything. You do something because you want to. I think she understood this better than you did OP

Maybe you're right. Maybe it was a bad thing for me to do. Does she understand this better than me? Probably. After hearing about her various exes I got the impression that she was far more experienced with relationships than me. Yes I'm a greenhorn, yes I will make mistakes. If I can't gain experience without prior experience that puts me in a catch-22 situation.

Really I was just fishing for info on whether or not she expected me to bring anything. I'll admit, fishing for info is not a good habit. I explained it to her and she said I shoud've just asked her. She was probably right. But I'm just annoyed she can't accept me making one mistake. As though she expected me to be perfect. Yes it was a bad thing I did but this is after she stood me up twice and canceled a further two times. Don't those count as mistakes for her? Is her time and petrol so much more valuable than mine?

Trying to change a larger woman into losing weight, ugh, why not just tell them you think they're stupid?

You're assuming they don't own scales, don't have mirrors, are unaware of the existing of height/weight BMI charts and somehow failed to notice they were overweight/obese... as if it is NEWS to them.

Also? Have you considered that healthy weight women avoid you because they can tell your AWFUL? Or that sound travels faster than light in even huge cities? (I grew up in one w/3 million+ people that was the smallest town on earth... your actions? Everybody'd know).

Yes, I'm sure they're aware they're fat. I'm sure it's not news to them. Some people really haven't heard of BMI but they don't need to know their BMI to know they're fat.


So we've established that overweight people know they're overweight but... why don't they lose weight. I lost 120 pounds and I'm the laziest sod on Earth. If I can lose 120 pounds, anyone can. So why don't they?

As for the girl who was the subject of this thread, I don't think she was really putting much effort in considering her Facebook had skinny-shaming material on it. I think skinny-shaming is an excuse not to make an effort.

Yes, life requires some effort. Before you tell me I'm awful for suggesting people make an effort consider that I spent most of my life listening to people tell I'm a fat lazy unemployed slob and then I finally put some EFFORT in, did some exercise, lost some weight and got a job, well if people expect me to make an effort in life, why shouldn't I expect them to make an effort? Why the double standard?

Would date a guy who was unemployed and refused to seek employment? No. Would you date a guy who was lazy and slept in 'till noon every day? No. Well if you women are allowed to say you're not attracted to lazy men, then us men are allowed to say we're not attracted to lazy women. Why the double standard?

Also, it doesn't doesn't make us sexist to be more attracted to women who are more attractive. Liking pretty girls more doesn't prove that we're sexist, it proves that we're not blind. Women like handsome men more than ugly men right? Yet you expect us to be blind to women's appearance? Why the double standard?

She's talking about TELLING them so. A woman wouldn't be wise to tell a man he's ugly and should fix it, either (and expect to keep dating him).

Well I never actually mentioned it to her. I was just planning on waiting until she brought it up and then telling her about some of the short cuts I've used.

That's how it was with the previous girl who was the subject of my previous thread (the one from work). I had a discussion with her in which I asked her for weight loss tips without actually calling her fat (I mentioned that I'd lost 55 KG but wanted to lose another 5) and I've noticed in the two months since then she's gone from about BMI 40 to BMI 35 and falling. Last week she mentioned that she doesn't eat breakfast or morning tea and everyday for lunch she eats a small can of tuna. I asked her about this and she said "I don't need carbs". I don't know what she eats for dinner but every weeknight after work she has ice hockey practice for three hours.

In my previous thread it was concluded, with your help yellowtamarian, that she'd lost interest in me. That's why I've been ignoring her for the past two months. Lately I've been wondering if it was a false alarm and she was still interested in me and if she was miffed that I've been largely ignoring her since work resumed after the Christmas break. Maybe her new diet plan is her attempt at impressing me and recapturing my attention. I must admit it's improved her appearance considerably.

I mean I know guys on L&D complain about how it's guys who have to ask girls out but I think in a way this system is actually harder for girls than guys since girls have to convince the guy they like to ask them out without actually asking themselves. This might explain why girls put more effort into their appearance then guys and where more elaborate clothing. It might explain why when I go on a weight loss forum the girls outnumber the guys ten to one and most weight loss media is targeted at girls not guys.

Anyway, it sounds like she has a difficult fitness regime but she's a very strong willed girl. A couple of years ago when she was doing her full-time bachelor of music she was also waiting tables 60 hours per week (4 hours each weeknight after her studies, 20 hours on Saturday and 20 hours on Sunday). This while sleeping 3 hours per night. I think she took so many hours because the rent on her inner-city Melbourne apartment was so expensive. She also blew through $25,000 in savings trying to keep up with the rent. I think I'd crack if I had to work 20 hours per day. She said she found it very tiring but she kept going.

Well, she knows about it now. Not the girl who stood me up four times... I'm talking about the girl I'm currently dating. She knows about it now.

I told her a few minutes ago and she wasn't scared off. She asked if there was anything she could do to help and support me.

Good luck.

I think you mentioned that she might be on the Spectrum as well.

Hence, her understanding attitude.

Did I? Which one? That might have been one or two girls ago. This one is a bit shy but I have no reason to suspect she's on the spectrum. Maybe I meant the previous one.

I think I got the right girl.

Isn't this the one who cancelled some kind of "convention" and is somewhat overweight?