A really tough decision

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Hello everyone,

I am an aspie who is struggling with a difficult decision and wanted some opinions from others on the spectrum. I have been with my aspie girlfriend for about 6.5 years, but we are at a crossroads right now. I have made it known throughout our relationship that I want children of my own someday, but she recently told me that she doesn't want any kids period. She has said in the past that she did not think that she wanted kids, but she was unsure and I was hoping that she would change her mind. She is also not sexual at all and I pretty much have to beg for any intimacy beyond cuddling.

I was extremely upset with her decision and needed to discuss it with someone, so I called our mutual female friend since she is a good listener. I have always liked her deep down and felt that she liked me as well, but the last couple of weeks have really brought those feelings to the surface for both of us. She invited me over for dinner on Tuesday and it was the best time I have had in quite a while. She wants children like me and has already been hinting at giving me the kind of sex life I am looking for. However, I still love my girlfriend and her family. They are so good to me and it would be hard to leave that behind. Also, our friend is still has feelings for her ex and that scares me a bit. My dad is also concerned that her Jewish family would not accept me as a Catholic. I feel that is ridiculous, but it is still slightly worrisome. I am having such a hard time making this decision and I just needed some outside opinions from people who can understand my condition.

Thanks for listening.

That's a hard one.

Has your present girlfriend said that she DEFINITELY never wants to have kids in the future? If answer's yes, and you REALLY want kids, maybe it's time to have a talk with your present girlfriend. I wouldn't say anything about your "mutual friend."

I almost wish the "mutual friend" didn't invite you over, and that you had a good time LOL. If you decide to go out with HER instead, things could get complicated.

All in all, I wouldn't make any hasty decisions right now. I would stay with the present girlfriend for now--but do have that "little talk."

Sex and children are some of the most important areas that a married couple needs to agree on. (There are other areas, too.)

It is *good* to know that you and your current gf do not agree in these two areas. You should not marry her. Marriage is hard enough without entering into it already handicapped by these disagreements. Do not think that marriage is some magic wand that waves over a relationship to *poof* make a couple see eye to eye. You must assume entering marriage that your spouse will not change. They may, and they may even change in ways you don't like, not just in ways that you do like, but you cannot *assume* they will become the person you want.

If your desire is to get married, and you know that you will not marry this girl, I advise that you do not keep stringing this relationship along. If you know you want kids, don't keep waiting here longer and longer hoping she will change.

That being said, DO NOT throw yourself into another relationship right away. You need some time to regroup and get yourself back together.

And, well, religion is also one of those areas it is better for married couples to agree upon. And in-laws.

It seems that you are not totally happy with your current gf. If one of you cannot change to accommodate, then it would be better for you to look for someone else more compatible. This is something you would have to discuss with your gf on a more serious level. In the worst case, you could still remain as friends.

Thanks for the advice everyone .

Yep she doesn't want kids period. I tried to talk about adoption but she is convinced she cannot handle kids at all and there seems to be no changing her mind.

To update the situation: I told my girlfriend on Friday night that we needed to take a break so I could do some thinking on the subject. The friend then told me that she wanted to date me, so we went out on Saturday. Apparently, I shouldn't have called it a date as it really stressed her out. She has been really hurt by her last 2 relationships, so she wants to take things slow which is fine. I am not seeing her again until Wednesday, but I am going with my girlfriend to our social skills class which could be rather awkward.

Thanks again for the good advice