How do I protect myself and not be so vulnerable 24/7?

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campboy92
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23 Jan 2015, 4:45 pm

As you all know, I am blind to how I come off to others and am blind to social cues. Through the past few years, I've been taken advantage of financially and sexually. I don't want to get into details but I think this comes from the childlike atmosphere I have around friendships, I get SO excited to be friends with someone that I want to give them the whole world. I want to know everything about them, I want to be their doormat. It's a shitty submissive way to be but it's how my brain works and I also enjoy to just listen to them talk but I'm noticing, as people in my life have pointed out. I continue to try with people who don't want to be my friend or care about me, I text them over and over again yet I still don't get why they don't want to be friends.

I'm just wondering, how can I protect myself? Because I feel like when I've revealed too much to people, it feels I have given everything inside of me away and it fills me up with revenge and sadness. It's like "what have I done?! No!! !! !" It makes me want to cut off my fingers



kraftiekortie
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23 Jan 2015, 4:49 pm

I understand your enthusiasm. I become enthusiastic in that way, too. I become like a motormouth. As a result, people think, at first, that I'll be an automatic doormat.

What I would do: Leave out some things about you--leave some things to the imagination.

I believe there are least some people who like to guess, rather than have everything handed to them.



Johannes88
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23 Jan 2015, 5:01 pm

I've had a couple friendships that felt a little exploitative after I was done with them.

This one friend I had wound up in prison but I kind of never felt like visiting him, because I still hold a little bit of malice from all that. Yeah, don't mess with me. lol

From what i've discovered, people have this "equality assumption" and they instinctively reject you if they feel you consider yourself or act, inferior or superior to them. Sometimes you're better off holding your ground, even if people disagree with you, just so that they are forced to confer respect. Respect is a two way street, giving more than you take and not getting back ought to be grounds for a termination of the relationship. Don't let yourself be wronged and then not push back, it'll only make them hate you more.



campboy92
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23 Jan 2015, 5:47 pm

Johannes88 wrote:
I've had a couple friendships that felt a little exploitative after I was done with them.

This one friend I had wound up in prison but I kind of never felt like visiting him, because I still hold a little bit of malice from all that. Yeah, don't mess with me. lol

From what i've discovered, people have this "equality assumption" and they instinctively reject you if they feel you consider yourself or act, inferior or superior to them. Sometimes you're better off holding your ground, even if people disagree with you, just so that they are forced to confer respect. Respect is a two way street, giving more than you take and not getting back ought to be grounds for a termination of the relationship. Don't let yourself be wronged and then not push back, it'll only make them hate you more.



Thank you, good sir.



y-pod
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23 Jan 2015, 5:57 pm

I think I tend to reveal a bit too much to people as well, but I haven't been taken advantage of. The secret is assertiveness. If you say NO easily and with no doubt, you'll not be a door mat. I suggest you take a class on assertiveness and practice until you can manage it. I have pretty high confidence so that makes things easier. But confidence is a bit harder to learn and develop. Assertive skills can be learned by everyone, though.


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ScottyN
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23 Jan 2015, 7:18 pm

It is something that comes with age. You begin to see that not all people are created equal, or think the way you do. They simply do not want your friendship. So learn to leave it alone. I rarely open up to people anymore, even if I think I would get along with them. Be courteous and respect their social boundaries.



campboy92
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23 Jan 2015, 8:03 pm

ScottyN wrote:
It is something that comes with age. You begin to see that not all people are created equal, or think the way you do. They simply do not want your friendship. So learn to leave it alone. I rarely open up to people anymore, even if I think I would get along with them. Be courteous and respect their social boundaries.


I mean, I don't think it has anything to do with my age because I know a lot of people who are my age who do NOT do this and are very smart at protecting themselves from the social skills they've developed. So, that would mean I'm behind - I'm just different.



kraftiekortie
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23 Jan 2015, 8:24 pm

Autistics improve with age, too. Just because you can't do something at 23, and somebody else could, doesn't mean you will not be able to do something at 33, and maybe even better than that person when he/she is 33.