Does talking alone with certain people scare you?

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goofygoobers
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25 Jan 2015, 12:13 am

I went to Sunday school at church last week, and I mentioned the abuse I dealt with as a child. I left early to check up on my mom, and this one new girl came after me and tried talking to me. She asked me if I was okay, and I told her no and ran away. She scared me so much. Do people ever make you feel this way?



downbutnotout
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28 Jan 2015, 6:26 am

Generally, no. I've had social anxiety in the past, but I feel like it's different from an actual fear of what people might do.

What was scary about her?



goofygoobers
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29 Jan 2015, 9:49 am

downbutnotout wrote:
Generally, no. I've had social anxiety in the past, but I feel like it's different from an actual fear of what people might do.

What was scary about her?

I was afraid she was going to ask me really personal questions that would be hard for me to answer.



goofygoobers
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29 Jan 2015, 9:53 am

downbutnotout wrote:
Generally, no. I've had social anxiety in the past, but I feel like it's different from an actual fear of what people might do.

What was scary about her?

I was afraid she was going to ask me really personal questions that would be hard for me to answer.



downbutnotout
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29 Jan 2015, 12:51 pm

goofygoobers wrote:
downbutnotout wrote:
Generally, no. I've had social anxiety in the past, but I feel like it's different from an actual fear of what people might do.

What was scary about her?

I was afraid she was going to ask me really personal questions that would be hard for me to answer.


That seems pretty reasonable if you were just talking about something hard, but you're not obligated to answer any questions if you don't want to. I went through some hard things in childhood, but I don't think I'd be comfortable mentioning it even in passing outside of the Internet...



dryope
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30 Jan 2015, 4:58 am

Yes, I do this. Sometimes it's because I know they will say a lot of jokes and I have to constantly give the right responses (chuckle, make eye contact, chuckle, say "oh absolutely", etc.) and I just get more and more anxious throughout the conversation. That's total social anxiety. So, no real reason other than that. (I know I don't have to dance to their tune, but I can't help but feel they expect me to, and when I don't I seem awkward.)

But the anxiety is awful -- I get tenser and tenser and freeze up -- so I run away before it starts if I know I'm not up to dealing with it properly right then.

So, I think running away is good, because you know right now you are not OK dealing with the situation.

But you may want to have a few stock phrases to say (and practice) so you can feel confident in your ability to avoid the situation.

Those are super hard, and I'm not well equipped to give them. But you can watch movies and TV (and books and Internet) and pick up a few you like. I was astonished that you can just come out and SAY "Thanks, but I'm not ready to talk more about that right now." -- you don't have to pretend you are OK all the time. You can even say, "I really just need some time alone."

I think selling it is all in the voice tone. If you can get a good video of someone doing this, you can practice it.

Or you can just be the weirdo who yells "No!" and runs away. I am. I literally did that three weeks ago, in a really similar situation, and I'm in my '30s. Sometimes, you're just too vulnerable and anxious. I honestly think that's OK, too.


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31 Jan 2015, 1:09 am

Yes I can understand why you would get scared about the possibility of personal questions. I may too.
I tend to get more afraid in groups. Too much sensory overload (although I think it's just too much stimulation. I either get too hyper or too quiet but I try hard and do well at times) and social rules to follow.


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