Best way to help youngest son who broke up with gf?

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OliveOilMom
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28 Jan 2015, 2:59 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Central Alabama Community College has a GED program.

Then he could go on to the college.


He was taking GED classes before he started this job. He doesn't have a problem academically, his problem was with the teachers. He's pretty much ready to pass it. They have them at the Community College in Tuscaloosa but they also have them here in town at the elementary school in the evenings and thats just two blocks away. He will start taking them again when he can. He can't do them now because he's got shift work and you have to be in a certain program which has set hours and he has to attend a certain number per week to stay in the class. He switches shifts every two weeks, so he can't go to any of them right now. He will get back in them, or a friend or sibling or my husband or myself can help him with anything he doesn't know, and he can take classes online. Right now he has a lot on his plate because he's working about 48 hours a week and he doesn't want to quit his job.


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trollcatman
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28 Jan 2015, 5:44 pm

Maybe the reason he is not upset is that breaking up was his own decision, or at least that is how he looks at it? UPS delivering stuff late is someone else's fault, so there is a lack of control that may make him upset. In this case he made his own decision so he was in control.



OliveOilMom
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30 Jan 2015, 4:19 am

I found out what happened and why he left. I'm not going to post it here, but I'll tell those who are my friends in PM if they want to know. I will say that I'm VERY proud of him leaving and also VERY VERY proud of him still emotionally supporting her during this, even though he's left. That's very grown up of him and very caring. I raised a real good boy there. I do hope she can get her problem resolved even if they don't get back together, but if not I'm glad to see he's prepared to stay gone and go on with his life.


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LeLetch
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31 Jan 2015, 1:44 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
I found out what happened and why he left. I'm not going to post it here, but I'll tell those who are my friends in PM if they want to know. I will say that I'm VERY proud of him leaving and also VERY VERY proud of him still emotionally supporting her during this, even though he's left. That's very grown up of him and very caring. I raised a real good boy there. I do hope she can get her problem resolved even if they don't get back together, but if not I'm glad to see he's prepared to stay gone and go on with his life.


*whistles*

Dang. Sounds like a question i won't ask, for fear of the answer.

I have found that when relationships of that length end, one or both of the people that were formerly in the relationship may view the end of the relationship as "proof".

If your son has some very mild autism tendencies, this level of stress (longterm relationship ending) could trigger them (tendencies).

The "proof" is usually a negative state of mind.

This is hard to explain. What i'm saying, is that anybody might decide after the end of a relationship that the mistake they made was a) dating is a bad idea b) relationships are not for then c) they're incapable of love d) blaa blaa blaa

You get the idea.

In can be damaging to oneself to have a significant section of one's life suddenly re-categorized as being negative, if it was formerly positive.

It would be beneficial (as long as he doesn't feel suffocated) for him to be surrounded by people with whom he has longterm, positive relationships with, during this time.

This would prevent him from projecting possible negative feelings about this one relationship onto a more general worldview.

But, then again, this topic might be close-worthy now that you're aware of what's going on, while the thread isn't. :P



goldfish21
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31 Jan 2015, 4:31 pm

I think you're doing what you ought to do as a concerned mother. Thing is, you can't really "force" any sort of support. You just need to be open to offering it as needed. Be patient & maybe he'll come around to talking about it - whether with you or his siblings. Directly asking him might annoy him, but only you would know.. no sense in pissing him off if he just needs time/space and you to just be you as you are to him. I'd just play it cool and wait it out if I were you and then you'll figure out what sort of support he may need from you, then just simply be there to offer it.


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