UK NT Married ( Happily) 33yrs to Recently Diagnosed Hubby

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dancing queen
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Joined: 19 Dec 2014
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 6

01 Feb 2015, 11:54 am

I did join last December and Did try recently to post an introduction on the Introduce Yourself Board, But I obviously pressed the wrong button. I thought it would be better to post Here as Being a ''Grown Up'' I felt that this board May have some useful insights and advice for Me and My Hubby Who although has suffered immensely since childhood has only just been diagnosed AT 53yrs as ASD.
I will try and keep this as brief as I can as do not want to bore everyone before They get to the end,
We Married as Teenagers, I initially had to kidnap Hubby and have Him brought to a party as He was not getting the Hint that I was interested!
We have had some Very dodgy times especially in the first 8 years as Hubby did not cope with Marriage or the responsibilities of 2 children. He suffered from severe depression at times, He had times when He just disappeared for days sometimes weeks at a time, He had problems with drink and drugs, He never managed to stay in a job longer than 2-3 months and He was generally unhappy.
However I always knew that there was something behind His behaviour, He is a lovely, Friendly, Caring Man but He struggled always to keep Friends. He was a loving Dad but I could not leave Him with the Kids when they were small as He made silly mistakes regarding their care. He was loving towards Me but could not bear Having His face touched and always wanted Single Beds!. He was excellent at His job and a perfectionist Yet would walk out and refuse to even go back and collect belongings. There are too many things to list but regardless of that I loved Him and was stubborn enough that I refused to give up ( Many people, Family and Professionals said I should cut My losses and Leave, They thought I was Mad to put up with how things were, But as I said I knew He was a Loving Caring person and I hung in there! )
Fast forward to September 2013, Hubby had been working in His job for a record 18 months, He was unable to leave as due to where We lived I was unable to work ( I have always been the Main Breadwinner ) due to no public transport ( I do not drive) However to maintain this He was being prescribed ever increasing doses of Antidepressant and Anxiety Medication and was from Jan 2013 to Sept 2013 also having to have Monthly meetings with a Mental Health Nurse who was trying to Help and support Him with His increasing Anxiety and Depression.
He eventually completely fell apart October 2013 and ended up in a Catatonic state for 2 weeks which triggered an urgent Psych Evaluation.
For the next Year He saw 3 Different Psychiatrists Had Medication changed and added to, and He was placed On The Enhanced Care Pathway for Complex needs. They at first diagnosed Adjustment Disorder with EUPD traits, Then Thought it May be Bipolar, Then Maybe Schizophrenia, Until finally When His care coordinator visited us at Home took one look at His behaviour and said She was having Him assessed for Autism or Aspergers. ( Previous appointments had been at different locations and all they ever saw was a Crying, Shaking Person Who could not talk most of the time and relied on Me to explain things.
When She said it I could not believe it, Not because it was unbelievable But because I could see straightaway That It was The best and most accurate description of His problems.....You see I was a Support Worker and Residential Social Worker for 10 years Working with Young Adults With Autism, Aspergers and Challenging Behaviour, Our Youngest Son was diagnosed with ADD at 10 Years old And I never Once Considered That My Hubby may be struggling for the same reasons! I always thought He may have ADD or A Mood disorder although He never quite fitted into a confirmed diagnosis, but never did it cross My Mind, Autism or Aspergers.
I am upset with Myself for not seeing it as I could have got Him Help sooner, But In My defence I have always been able to support Him and Fill in the gaps that He struggles with so there was no reason to. I always have been His Best Friend and so we muddled along. But if I had known I would have rather Lost Our house and lived with family than have put Him through the overwhelming stress He was suffering at work.
He is a lot better than He was a Year ago but His anxiety over the smallest things is out of His control. He is depressed and I have to prompt and motivate Him every day to do the most basic things Like Have a wash. He hates being like this and worries He will never get back to How He was.
I will stop now, But would welcome Other peoples insight into How things might progress and if He will get back to being able to at least leave the house or have visitors without Him falling apart.
Thank You for the sounding board It has helped just airing it to people who will understand. I do not have the time to be constantly on Here and Have taken the opportunity whilst Hubby is asleep to post, So apologies if I am asked something and do not reply straightaway.



BTDT
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Joined: 26 Jul 2010
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,088

01 Feb 2015, 3:24 pm

Good to hear that you finally figure it out after all these years!
Yes, it can be very hard to figure out--I didn't really have a clue until I was diagnosed in my late 40s!