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GoatOnFire
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14 Mar 2007, 5:39 pm

This is one of the things that I am the very worst at, both at giving and receiving.

I'm not sure completely why, but I'm not very good at giving compliments out. What's ironic is most of the time I am afraid of offending the person. I always get the feeling that whenever I compliment someone, it either came out wrong, or I just get a feeling that they think that I just want something from them and I'm trying to get it through flattery. Complimenting the opposite sex is especially hard for me. I get really nervous, and I'm always afraid that they will take it the wrong way. I want to know how to do it properly. I actually like a lot of the people on this board but I don't know how to get the point across. I'm going to start practicing it, so beware, I'm going to be sending out random compliments for no reason and see how people respond.

I'm terrible at receiving compliments too. I have no idea what to say. Almost no one ever compliments me, but I do remember one time a couple years ago when someone actually gave me a compliment and I just froze, I had no idea what to say. I'd like to know how to handle that just in case someone ever decides to compliment me again.

I think I'm probably not the only one here with this problem but I've never seen anyone else bring it up.


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Kosmonaut
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14 Mar 2007, 6:38 pm

I have no success at giving compliments. I say something in sincerity and there's a good chance it will appear to be percieved as sarcasm. No idea why.

I used to feel embarassed and never really knew how to take a compliment. But have since learned that a simple 'thank you' is sufficient.



tinky
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14 Mar 2007, 7:15 pm

i become nervous when someone compliments me.


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Graelwyn
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14 Mar 2007, 8:28 pm

Complimenting or being complimented makes my insides knot and makes me feel very anxious and uncomfortable. I don't like it... I never know how to respond to a compliment and end up feeling stupid... Responding always makes me feel as if I am being vain in some way. Giving compliments always feels so false. It is the same when I give anyone something... I don't want them to go all gushy and thank me etc, I hate that. I don't like being given things simply because I never react as expected... xmas is hell, I have to plaster on fake smiles even if I don't feel a need to smile to show I am grateful, on the times I am grateful.


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hartzofspace
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14 Mar 2007, 8:56 pm

I used to struggle with compliments. Most of the time, I would say something denigrating, like "Oh, I found this dress at a second hand shop." A good friend told me that a compliment is like a gift, (which is hard to accept, too), and you should received it gracefully with a simple thank you. I think I've got it down, now. And it got easier the more I did it. As for giving compliments, I once saw an Asian Indian woman, wearing a gorgeous pink outfit shot through with stripes of silver. My compliment was sincere, because it just popped out. She just said, "Thank you."


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tinky
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14 Mar 2007, 10:10 pm

okay let me clarify on how i feel when someone compliments me. it all depends on how grand the compliment is. last year my teacher acknowledged the essays i had written at the end of my anne frank test in front of the whole class 8O. she smiled and told me stand up and read them. i smiled weakly, my brain electric thoughts. i was nervous and excited at the same time.

i hope i'll be able to overcome this.


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dime_jaguar
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14 Mar 2007, 11:37 pm

How about you start off with the default, "thanks!". If you later start becoming more comfortable with the situation then throw in some details about the thing or service being complimented.


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poopylungstuffing
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15 Mar 2007, 11:32 am

Yeah..compliments...the giving and reciving of...just make me feel weird.



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15 Mar 2007, 12:47 pm

Yesterday, on my weekly piano lessons, I was (once again) complimented, as being the best pianist she taught, not because of having the best technices (though almost) but for having the best feeling for the music. I just can't take compliments, and after that, messed it all up.
I felt uncomfortable, but it was nice of her to say. I don't think compliments should be banned or so...



IamI
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19 Mar 2007, 8:02 am

Just be sure not to over-complicate a compliment and you should do just fine.



Corvus
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19 Mar 2007, 9:54 am

I dont give compliments because I feel my actions speak louder but people don't hear them.

If someone made a good dinner, me having 3 servings is a good indicator that I like it. Well, what happens if someone says "that was really good" and I dont? Well, I cant say it now because it seems I am following and if I dont say it then I'm a jerk or, at least feel like one.

If I get a compliment, thinking about the average of 1 per year, then I TRY to just say 'thank you' though I feel really weird saying it. Most of the time, I try to be modest but apparently that isnt good



Shleed
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19 Mar 2007, 7:02 pm

It's not rare for a person to feel all shakey after a compliment... especially when usually most people don't compliment you.



konyannah
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19 Mar 2007, 7:16 pm

I agree, I hate the whole business of compliments, both giving and recieving, I wish people just wouldn't bother, life would be so much easier

when I give a compliment it sounds contrived and false and when I get one I want to run away and hide


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Shleed
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19 Mar 2007, 7:24 pm

I like giving compliments to people though, especially to girls... if I say they're cute I bloody mean it. ;)
I go all red when someone gives me a compliment, anime style.



colonel1fan
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19 Mar 2007, 7:35 pm

I think i'm okay at giving compliments. I do hate getting compliments though because for me I feel that it's nothing all that special to me. For me, it is something that I've always done. Take piano for example, I get compliments all the time about how great I play. I always play the piano so I always feel that it's nothing to be complimented on.
Now if it's something that I know I did not do very well on but someone thought i did a very good job on, then i'll take the compliment. But usually I'll just say "Thanks" and leave it at that.


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shadexiii
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19 Mar 2007, 8:28 pm

I try to force one out when I know it is expected / due. Do a reasonable job faking it. Not a fan of receiving them.