What does your ideal man/woman look like?

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SilverStar
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10 Feb 2015, 7:31 pm

elliot87 wrote:
Personally I got crushes on girls who weren't interested in me and shot down girls who were interested in me, because of being out of my comfort zone. And when I was interested I was waaay too interested.



That sounds a lot like myself. :)



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10 Feb 2015, 11:55 pm

sly279 wrote:
SwissPagan wrote:
SBennett0322 wrote:
NT with a question-

Is it possible for an AS male to be attracted to an "average" looking female if his ideal is a celebrity or a really "hot" woman by society's standard?

Since I'm married to my husband with AS, I will possibly have children with AS. I want to make sure my children with AS are happy and successful in their lives... and I'm sure they will want to have a partner.

I have hot friends, very physically attractive- but they are so picky with choosing a man! They would probably never date a man with AS because they have so many other choices, they could choose whoever they want- and they want someone who is social, attractive, and well-liked by others. So, if I have an AS son and he is attracted to only "hot" women, how will he ever get a date?

I am going to teach him there is value in an "average" looking woman, just like in the hot ones. I think he will find that the average to below average looking women are going to be the most acceptant of him, and will love him for who he is. And some of the hot ones will, too, I'm sure- but I don't want him to limit his choices to the most elite women.

I don't want this to be offensive- I do not think being aspie is bad at all! In fact, I believe it is a trait women should look for in a partner, and maybe in the future they will! Because I absolutely love my husband and think I am meant to be with an aspie lover forever. However, I do not see women seeking out "aspie" men, so I don't understand why sometimes AS guys say they are only attracted to the very fit, hot, very kind, and well-educated woman. It seems like that narrows down their choices so much!



well, the ideal will probably be another aspie girl, if chances are lucky enough (aspergers happens more commonly to men than women) if not, then probably a girl who like an aspie will be able to obsess over a common interest, since most aspies tend to grow obsessed over some subject on an intellectual level. if your son can find a girl like that who is informal and not exclusionary, or even nerdy herself, I can see that working out. unfortunately for me, all nerdy girls and tomboys that I know are already married or in healthy relationships... The other girls who seem to show interest in me and I share back are all foreigners. (though on a personal level its hard to get up the nerve to ask them to a date, but some times they take the initiative, which takes the strain off me )

I guess you would jsut need to find a girl who is accepting of weird, and probably weird herself, or far from conformed. (fitting "in" is very hard when you have aspergers).

the only way I existed was my mother came from a family of five brothers (so she was kind of a tomboy and one for mischief) and my father was a mild aspie and the son of a VERY aspie scientist, but dad never knew how to lie and becasue he did strange things with his Dad, he had great stories to tell and also my father's modest and gentle nature was also in contrast to other guys she grew up with. so she went for Dad. and unlike some of her friends, never regretted her marriage choice. her only real regret was that he died too early...



to SBennett0322
hard to say. I find 90% or more of women to be really good looking and hot. just being able to like and interest in average women doesn't mean they'll get anymore dates then if they went after just hot by society standard women.
most women today are quite picky. be them overweight and ugly or super hot and thin or inbetween.

SwissPagan

yeah the cool nerdy women go fast it seems same with tom boy girls who like outdoors and guns.

my grandpa had aspegers likely where I got it. my grandma loved him alot and spent all his life with him. he died when I was 1ish and she never dated or had another relationship. she loved his inner child and honesty along with other stuff.



I was thinking alot about what you said would be criteria for an aspie male to be attracted to a girl, and I kinda held off on the claims of physical attraction just because, the concept of "attractive, is going to be subjective to whomever is being asked, but one thing I know would be the ideal girl. The type you can have hours of conversation with about multiple subjects. if you can match each other in interest and intellect, that might be the selling point you should look for. again, this only worked for me with tomboys and foreign girls, something about this culture though dissuades women from participating in deep and or nerdy conversations, though I guess that is the same with non-aspie guys too (I use "nerdy" rather lightly, basically any subject of obsession or interest to the point where you have nearly expert "knowledge," thus nerdy ^^ )



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11 Feb 2015, 1:25 am

Do you want just the type or a detailed description of what the ideal guy to me would look like?

I'm going to give you a description. My husband has some of these qualities but not all.

He would be 6-2, muscular but not huge. Very well defined muscles and in excellent shape. Some body hair but not too much. A little on the chest is good and a goody trail is perfect, but no back hair. Olive skin. Dark brown straight thick hair, dark brown eyes, beautiful white straight teeth, handsome face, Italian. Maybe a tattoo on the upper arm but only one. No ear or facial piercings, the only piercing I wouldn't mind is a PA. Short hair but not too short, or possibly a small ponytail. Not much facial hair but if he did then just a mustache and goatee, but I'd prefer none. He would dress well, in good jeans or dress pants with button up shirts or polo shirts, sort of European style. Never would he wear a baseball cap unless he was playing baseball. He would maybe wear a crucifix and a horn and I'm fine with a gold bracelet and one ring.

Of course I'd have to look a lot different to get something like that I'm sure, but I could do with looking a lot better. I really need to get off my butt and get back in shape. I've always had a killer body but now it's getting old and I'm starting to be able to tell my age when looking at myself naked in the mirror. I don't want that, and that's easy to fix if I'll just do it.


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11 Feb 2015, 3:55 pm

I would want a partner who is mellow, funny and creative (maybe artistic, a writer or musician), and likes going on occasional adventures but is kind of introverted like me and understands being quiet together or apart for a while. This could be considered both a personality and appearance trait, but my ideal partner would be someone who enjoys being creative with her appearance (I like wearing bold clothing and makeup myself and it would be fun to have a partner who shares this enthusiasm.) In terms of physical characteristics, I'm usually most attracted to curvy, chubby girls with cute round faces, and I really like brown eyes.



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11 Feb 2015, 7:58 pm

Curvy girls can be hawt as long as you're not too obese.



CoffinCrawler
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11 Feb 2015, 9:40 pm

The physical aspects aren't as important to me as the man's personality, how he makes me feel, and his ability to love me and my quirks. That always comes above all else.

If I had to describe the aspie guy I have a crush on right now, he has medium length wavy dark brown hair and light blue eyes. He has full lips (that are almost always chapped, I think one of his stims is lip biting) and a lanky thin build that makes him look a little feminine which I like in a guy. I tend to be attracted to the androgynous type and not the macho masculine type. He wears a hoop earring in his left ear. He has minimalist tattoos on both arms and he dresses nicely (dress shirts, belted pants, trench coat, dress shoes, etc). He rarely smiles but when you manage to make him smile, his eyes light up and this adorable childlike expression comes across his face. Those smiles feel special because they're so rare. I love his "flaws" too. He has a few tiny pitted scars on his face from past acne I imagine, and he has little stray hairs between his eyebrows. He has slightly crooked/overcrowded teeth, but I love that. I love men with crooked teeth. I get so tired of the same smiles. Basically if Lea Seydoux and Dane Dehaan had a love child, it would look like this aspie guy.



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11 Feb 2015, 9:46 pm

The things I listed aren't really a checklist of required traits, but if I were be given a character generator and told to create a female character that's what I'd probably have the settings at. As long as lifestyle and interests semi overlap I'd be interested in someone.



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12 Feb 2015, 1:28 am

When I was single I was mostly wanting someone who would give me a chance & try to make it work. But if I had to describe the perfect woman, I would of said the iCarly star Miranda Cosgrove. I had a mega huge crush obsession on her.

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Last edited by nick007 on 12 Feb 2015, 1:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

mistersprinkles
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12 Feb 2015, 1:32 am

Christina Hendricks.



SilentGuy66
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16 Feb 2015, 12:22 pm

My ideal girl would be what I think of the typical "librarian" type.

Long dark hair, wearing a different style everyday. Glasses, but wears contacts on special occasions to show off her lovely eyes. Soft voice, quite shy. Wears simple yet unique clothes. Most importantly of all she actually understand me.

Now if only she existed?



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16 Feb 2015, 5:40 pm

Image

He ticks all the boxes looks and personality-wise - he's humble, polite, can be funny on occassion and is a geniunely kind human being. He does come across as being a tad on the thick side though, although he is shy so that could be it.


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mistersprinkles
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16 Feb 2015, 7:36 pm

there are two huge reasons why I find this woman so attractive...

Image

:lol: :lol: :lol: :heart: :heart: :heart:



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16 Feb 2015, 7:48 pm

I don't find anything 'attractive' in the way of objectifying physical traits, so my 'ideal partner' doesn't look like anything in particular. As I have mentioned before, I don't know if I have any desire for a partner. I sort of have this vision of myself surrounded by awesome friends who can count on me, who I can count on. I don't think I want to live with anyone in a 'partner relationship' or romance ever again.



mistersprinkles
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16 Feb 2015, 8:07 pm

I understand physical attraction very well and am very physically attracted to certain features, facial, body, etc. I do very much want to be in a relationship that actually WORKS for once, but I realize that it's my aspergers that keeps me from having a successful relationship. I hope to one day be in a loving long term relationship though.



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18 Feb 2015, 6:48 pm

I never understood the position that physical attraction shouldn't be a factor in romantic relationships. That's true for platonic friendships, and of course you need to develop an emotional connection to carry on a relationship, but to me the critical difference between romance and friendship is the presence of sexual attraction.

As for my own preferences, it's definitely a case of "opposites attract" when it comes to looks. This is what I look like:

Image


And these are the kind of girls I have the hots for:
Image

Image
Image
Image
Image


Best to give people a visual reference for my favorite type of ladies.


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19 Feb 2015, 6:08 am

BrandonSP wrote:
I never understood the position that physical attraction shouldn't be a factor in romantic relationships. That's true for platonic friendships, and of course you need to develop an emotional connection to carry on a relationship, but to me the critical difference between romance and friendship is the presence of sexual attraction.


That's fair, but some people have found that looks are really arbitrary in relationships. What turns me on really has very little to do with looks. You could be the "hottest" person in the world but if you aren't "intelligent" (note: intelligence isn't just what you know or your brain processing power, it's not all about I.Q. for me.) then I'll be less turned on by you and if you annoy me then I'm not going to be turned on by you and I'll want you to leave me alone. Communication, deep intelligence etc are great turn ons for me as is strength (physical, emotional and character). I also value honesty and lack of an attempt to manipulate, whether that's subconscious or otherwise.

So yes, that's just me and what I've found. I'm not saying looks are unimportant to me, but just because someone is "hot" doesn't mean I'll get turned on and just because someone is "ugly" doesn't mean I won't. It really is about personality, intelligence and other non tangible/visual factors for me.