Things NTs do that appear rude

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EmeraldGreen
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12 Sep 2015, 10:36 am

Everyone is guilty of that, and many of the offenses cited so far.

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Aspie202
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12 Sep 2015, 10:43 am

ReticentJaeger wrote:

Somethingsomething wrote:

ReticentJaeger wrote:

Earlier, I think someone mentioned double standards. It angers me that while it's not socially acceptable to comment on an overweight person's body, it's somehow still okay to say rude things to people who are more petite.

I've been told—twice, I believe—that 'a small wind would blow me away'.

I don't appreciate comments like 'you're so pale!' or philosophical questions such as 'why are you so short?', either.

Yeah, this might be moving a bit off topic but second to this comment- when I was out shopping for a new jacket a sales assistant exclaimed "Goodness me, you're so scrawny! You need to eat something!" and I smiled and laughed and said "oh well, I'll try!" because, of course. Friendly and happy is my default character when I don't know how to respond.

I walked away thinking, would they say "Goodness me, you're so big! You need to stop eating!" if they thought I was fat? Doubtful. Clear double standards. Just like that bass song by Natalie Trainor- not nice.

I hate when NT's have "in" jokes that involve gestures and slang/made up words, then when you ask what they mean they say "nothing nevermind" or they explain it but still don't tell you/spell out what the funny part is, while other NT person next to you "gets it" straight away.

Being seventeen, 4'11", and 85 pounds, I've had more than a fair share of unsolicited comments. Twice I've been told that 'a small gust of wind would blow me away'. The second person to say it was a nurse who had just gotten done weighing me. My brother's also gotten some idiotic comments such as, "Do you drive, like, a little clown car?" I think he tolerates it better than I do.

I know that feel. I'm a teenager and I'm barely even 5 feet and I weigh 67 pounds. My sister teases me for being less muscular that's her, even though it's fat on her, not muscle.

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Spiderpig
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12 Sep 2015, 1:44 pm

Joe90 wrote:

Then one day I decided to give them a taste of their own medicine.

I've never seen that work. Just because they've been unkind or hurtful to you doesn't mean they'll tolerate the same from you by any means; on the contrary, they've been asserting your status lower than theirs, so you're expected to continue to be the one taking all the crap without complaining. Even explicitly telling them you're giving them a taste of their own medicine is no good---they'll refuse to process it unless they find a way to use it against you. You'll still be the one in the wrong. People simply don't waste brain cycles thinking logically when it doesn't lead them to the conclusion they want.

Joe90 wrote:

I suppose none of them actually realised that was how they've been making me feel all these years of High School. Then when I decide to say something unpleasant what I imagined they would say to me, I just got hated even more.

I'd guess they couldn't care less how you felt. They probably weren't afraid of you, and they'd already secured for themselves a status higher than yours, so there was no reason for them to care about your feelings. It's the inferior who needs to keep the superior happy, so they won't decide to take some solace in making their life hell, not the other way round. Caring about your feelings would only encourage you to believe you were their equal and start expecting respect from them.

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Nuthatchnut
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12 Sep 2015, 2:14 pm

Touching
I guess it is meant to convey sympathy, engagement or whatever, but I'd rather not be touched casually. Really, just don't.

Forcing conversation
Why do people interrupt when I am reading a book, looking for something or otherwise ostentatiously avoiding contact?

Assuming malice
Yes, I know I seem weird or impolite sometimes. But really I am doing the best I can. Can we just assume my intentions are good until proven otherwise?

Disturbing nature
I so hate it when I am carefully observing wildlife and people will walk by so carelessly and loud that any bird or animal within earshot flees instantly.

And last but not least:
Telling me to "smile!"
When I am not smiling I obviously had something more important to do than remembering to stretch my lips across my face.

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Feyokien
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12 Sep 2015, 2:22 pm

Insinuating that I hate someone just because I'm not being particularly social. I had two girls in a group project my freshman year in a Geology class who always said this to my face "you probably hate us". It made me want to hate them. Some neurotypicals have a very us and them mentality, you're either with them or against them, there is no neutral zone and it has to be an instantaneous judgement. Over the course of the semester working on the project they eventually discovered that I didn't hate them and was just a generally quiet individual.

Greenhat
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12 Sep 2015, 2:55 pm

Making themselves the victim when they're the bullies.
Someone shoved me down a flight of stairs for not moving fast enough in deadlock, then whined in her statement to Guidance about how awful I was and how she "just wanted me out of her life."
One boy shouted death threats, insults, and ordinary threats at me for sneezing, then went to the oblivious teachers and asked for a pass to Guidance because of his deep emotional harm from the experience. (He went on to "warn" every kid in the class and every substitute teacher we had for the rest of the year about my evil.)
Two tried to steal my backpack and then made noises about going to Guidance because of how much my "rudeness" (not letting two strangers take my backpack and contradicting them when they declared themselves my best friends) had "hurt" them.
I'm still not sure if they believed themselves out of a twisted sense of etiquette and ethics, if they believed themselves because they'd rewritten reality so they could be the victims, or if they knew the bull they were spouting.

dianthus
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12 Sep 2015, 6:12 pm

When people stop in the middle of a crowded place to have a (probably loud) conversation, and they become totally oblivious to other people around them.

winston112
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12 Sep 2015, 6:16 pm

If you're in a small group of people and decide to tell a story, perhaps one that you think the rest of the group will find a bit entertaining, and no one responds. No laughter, no comment, nothing. That happens to me sometimes and it always makes me upset. I'm often nervous about speaking when I'm around several people so if no one answers me but instead basically pretend they didn't hear me once I've gathered up the courage to open my mouth, it hurts.

Also, when people force others to hug them. It happened to me just last week, I joined a group of people who play games every week and I only knew a couple of the other guys. When we were leaving one of the guys I had never met before said he was going to hug everyone good buy and made a joke about how we simply have to accept that. Then he hugged me. Everyone thinks he is really friendly and I'm sure he thinks that too, that is what I can't wrap my head around. How can it be considered nice to force someone to hug you? I hate hugs.

winston112
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12 Sep 2015, 6:25 pm

Nuthatchnut wrote:

And last but not least:
Telling me to "smile!"
When I am not smiling I obviously had something more important to do than remembering to stretch my lips across my face.

I hate that too. People telling others to smile or lighten up. Who can smile under that kind of pressure? It also happens sometimes when talking to others at e.g. a party, having a nice and calm discussion about something, that someone who isn't a part of that discussion yells something like "come on, stop being so serious, have some fun!" How is that a socially accepted behavior?

olympiadis
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13 Sep 2015, 1:39 am

Greenhat wrote:

Making themselves the victim when they're the bullies.

Yep. I've seen this a lot.
The hive mind that controls their behavior is aggressive and invasive, and they don't even realize it because they are embedded within the context of their own identity.

VisInsita
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13 Sep 2015, 4:25 am

Spiderpig wrote:

It's the inferior who needs to keep the superior happy, so they won't decide to take some solace in making their life hell, not the other way round. Caring about your feelings would only encourage you to believe you were their equal and start expecting respect from them.

Or to be precise it's the person feeling inferior that needs to psychologically take part in a make-believe that they actually are superior. If they truly would feel that or wouldn't fear for themselves, they'd had no need to put the other person down. You know these funny scenes when a small dog barks at and harasses a bigger dog that just takes it all calmly. With people it's the same. Let the dogs bark. I got better things to do than to play with their illusionary power pyramids.

kalmrain
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20 Apr 2016, 10:20 pm

dianthus wrote:

ReticentJaeger wrote:

Interrupting a conversation to say 'hi'.

Talking to someone who's reading a book.

I agree with both of these and it doesn't just appear rude. In most cases it IS rude.

I especially dislike it when store clerks interrupt while I am talking to ask if I need help.

Or in a restaurant, when the server comes by to ask if you need anything...of course it's inevitable that they are going to interrupt the meal, but some of them are very rude about it. They just butt in very abruptly while someone is speaking. They act like they are just going to keep walking past your table if someone doesn't call out a response immediately. If you gesture for them to wait while you finish chewing, they stare very intensely watching you chew the food, like they are mentally trying to force you to swallow faster. lol Or when the first person responds that everything is okay, they don't wait to see if anyone else at the table has something to say, they just move on.

In general, I find it very rude when people ask questions and don't pause to hear a response.

Dantac wrote:

You're talking to someone on the phone and they start talking to you.

...and then THEY get upset when I show them the palm of my hand to make them stop since I can't keep track of what two people are saying at once, each in one of my ears.

OMG. Yeah. One time this happened to me on a merchandising job. I visited this store once a week to stock and straighten the book section. Sometimes I would talk on the phone to my supervisor while I was working. One day the store manager came up and started talking to me while I was on the phone. I put my hand up because I couldn't carry on two conversations at once. All I intended was to signal, hold on a minute. She reacted like I had pulled a gun on her. Yelled at me that I had better NEVER put my hand up to her again. Total biotch. I quit servicing that store not long after that.

I think that to a NT it would come across as offensive. If you chose you could try something like smiling and either putting up one finger or moving your phone to the side to quickly say "Hold on just a minute or This is important or Just a minute". Usually, not every time because some people just seem to be mean, it comes across more friendly than a hand in their face. I think it's perfectly reasonable to do it, but it's not that way for many. They don't get that, they feel shoved away or somehow less important and that negative reaction evokes the anger you encountered. I'm sorry you both went through those situations though. A smile, as genuine as you can make it, softens an otherwise awkward situation, which they brought upon themselves to begin with.... :roll:

I've spent my entire childhood and teen years learning to read moods of my parents and others, and this seems to be the reason for the reaction. Hope it doesn't happen again!

TheAP
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21 Apr 2016, 2:00 pm

Spoiling what's going to happen next in a movie/TV show.

Pieplup
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21 Apr 2016, 2:39 pm

Generally interrupting people for no reason.

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AspieTurtle
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21 Apr 2016, 2:54 pm

It annoys me when an NT tells me that they think the noise level is just fine. They are not in my head and not experiencing the agony I am going through!! !!

It is also frustrating to me when they try to tell me I don't know what I am talking about after I prove my point with facts and they try to prove theirs with anything except facts.

They annoy me when they make excuses for not following rules or they laugh at me for doing so.

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seaweed
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21 Apr 2016, 4:30 pm

beginning to pack up their things before the professor has finished the lecture.
i'm sure its not only an NT thing, but a lot of people do it and its so rude!
and then the professor either cuts the ending short or no one can hear what they are saying anyways because there are too many papers rustling and zippers closing.

another one, is walking really slowly in groups that take up the entire sidewalk, then not noticing and/or making a pathway for faster walkers to get through. again, not sure if this is just an NT thing but it's definitely a thing.

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