Smiling

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I rarely smile. In fact it takes something very funny (and it has to be a "funny" that I understand) to smile. I watched all the Red Dwarf "smeg ups" on Youtube recently and I did smile a couple of times at the really crazy smeg ups.

yeah.. i generally only smile when amused.. smiling is lame anyway

People tell me that I don't smile and that I look emotionless but I laugh too much haha
I don't know how to smile if it doesn't come naturally

Due to some pain in my childhood, I took up "Comunication" as a special interest but even so, smiling always confused me. It wasn't clear until I recently watched the older series, "The Human Animal."

He says that smiling came out of fear to show those smiled at that you're not a threat so eventualy "not a threat" became a non-verbal way of saying "I'm friendly."

I'm assuming that on a very unconcious and primal level, your NT feels threatened when you don't smile (specifically at them) when they feel it's approperate.

Since it's to the point where they are bothering you enough that you're posting about it here, I assume it's become a real issue on both your parts, and since I can't talk to your NT about Aspies feeling real emotions, but needing to learn how to show them, I have some smile advice for you.

Experiment One: "Look what I can Do"
Setup:
Continue as normal and count how many times your NT encourages you to smile for a week.
Write this this so you don't forget because we need that number for later.

Experiment:
For at least a month continue keeping track of how many times a week the "smile encouragement" happens and,

a. pinch up the edges of your mouth whenever you feel that your NT expects you to smile.

This WILL look like a forced smile, which is the point. It will tell your NT basically, "Even though that isn't something I smile about, I value you."



b. Also, squint your eyes when you smile for real at your NT when they do something you actually enjoy.

Squinting your eyes when you smile is the most important feture of a genuine smile. Giving someone a "real" smile is a positive reinforcement treat, similar to giving a dog a bit of meat when they sit. It will help be a que to your NT that the thing they did right before you smiled is something you find pleasant and you want them to do it more frequently.

If it's working, by week 3 the "smile encouragement" should be down by at least twice a week.

This can work if you count the "smile engcouragements" from everyone, but it will be more accurate if you develop it for one person you care about at a time, because you'll get more accurate numbers that way.



Wishing you very good luck!

I was actually told that I smile a lot.

I still remember how I managed to get the higher of the 2 possible grades in a subject that my grade was uncertain (usually you get a additional test that decides about your grade in that case but some teachers use other methods). The teacher checked my grades, looked at me and said: "I will give you the higher grade because you are always smiling.". I was confused by his reasoning but I sent him another smile as my only response. I was not good in this subject at all and to be honest I was considering the subject a really stupid one. I often had no idea what I am asked for or what I am supposed to say. But I already knew that people are less prone to hurt you when you say something and add a smile to it no matter if it is a good or a bad answer. And they can get offended or make fun of you when you say the same thing while keeping a serious face.

I suppose the body language goes like this:
Good answer + smile = "I know it's the right answer! I'm happy!",
Bad answer + smile = "Just kidding. I am pretty sure it can't be right. Can it?",
Good answer + serious face = "You are boring me. Stop asking lame questions.",
Bad answer + serious face = "I really think it's the correct answer. I'm a real idiot."

I also learned that a smile can actually make you more happy and calm. I use it when I am stressed, especially before an exam. Even if I don't feel like smiling at all I will force my muscles to make one and then... my stress somehow lessens. And I end up looking around with a huge smile on my face and advising all the students around me: "Hey! Smile! You will feel better. That really works! Smile produces endorphins that are a natural stress reliever.".

I also have an unfortunate neutral expression, but I smile and laugh enough when something is funny. What I have trouble with is remembering when to fake smile, especially at strangers. You know how when you accidentally make eye contact with someone for just a second, you're supposed to smile, and most people do? I never manage to think of it quickly enough. My family has criticized me about it and told me to improve this skill, but I've been aware of it for 10 years and I still screw it up just about every time, not remembering until I realize I've done it wrong again. I feel like most people must have a reflex to do this, and I don't.

usually i have a blank expression, when i'm satisfied or happy, but not over the top ecstatic. whenever i see/hear something funny (that most don't find funny, apparently) i snicker in the back of my throat (ow)...or laugh. or smile, these are average width smiles with mild tooth.

or, i just smile at random times. i've never found any pattern in myself. these are very toothy smiles.

i hate when school photographers ask me to smile. in all my years in public school, k-12, i've made a real smile once, in 5th grade. for my HS senior photo, it was mild, forced.

i think the most beautiful portraits of people don't have smiles. 'say cheese' gets on my nerves even though i know why it's used.
apparently, a latin american version of 'say cheese' is 'diga whiskey'.

Yes, while growing up I was often asked what I was sad about when I wasn't sad, just not smiling, and was told I needed to smile more. Contributing to my problem were my eye brows. Although not a unibrow, they do come a little too close together, so if I am not smiling I tend to look either sad or mad. I fixed that with tweezing, but like other posters here, I don't feel smiling should be forced, unless for a good reason--job interview, meeting with fiance/fiancee's family, etc. If your normal face is a non smiling one, just be yourself. I still don't smile enough to suit NTs, but I do smile more than I did growing up. Also, my normal smile is a closed mouth one--my lips curve, and my cheeks get involved too, so it's obvious that I am smiling when I do it.

I was often told that my face wasn't showing any emotion, but so what?! Why do so many people feel it is necessary to see what you are feeling all the time anyway? Why does it bother people so much when they can't "read" your face? My feelings, like my thoughts are a private matter, unless I want others to know about it. Also, when I am at my most "blank" it's because my mind is busy on something.

I am in my mid 50s now, and still have relatives wanting to know what I am sad about when I'm not, or telling me to smile. I am not a naturally high-happy person, so I don't go around with a mindless Walt Disney type of smile on my face all the time. I will smile when I feel like smiling, and only force it when the situation calls for it

I usually have a blank expression without realising, even in photos. I only smile when happy or when I see something funny. I don't know how to smile in photos because it's often forced. Last time, my Poh Poh had to make me laugh to get me to smile when she wanted to take a family photo.