Getting confused between platonic friendship and romance

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arjay
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12 Feb 2015, 5:52 pm

Hi,

I'm getting confused over the intent of romance. My primary objective is to have a lifetime partner who is my best and true friend and believes in my intentions and ambitions. This objective itself can be platonic only, right? The issue is, when friendship is said to include romantic intent, things could go weird, or maybe the lady could reject you despite your friendship, right? Now, I would like to clarify this, is courtship, the process of wooing a lady to be his romantic partner, has the intent for finding a mate and eventually to reproduce, while love, or for reasons not being romantic
or platonic is to believe, care and uphold the being of the person.

Aren't these two relationship forms have separate intent, one is on successful reproduction for the growth and retention of the species and the other is siding the person's virtues and personality. Let me elaborate this, for romance, the additional requirement is that you both have to be genetically compatible. This can be identified by pheromones, distinct habits, romantic styles and kissing. You must engage in covert expressions (which I find it very difficult). Also be a gentleman, persistent in courting, and a lot of empathy and mind reading. Also combined with a lady's fertility (beauty or sexual attractiveness) and a man's financial status, thus indicators of good capacity to reproduce and grow children. On the other hand, platonic love is when you care for someone because you believe in him/her and agree with his/her virtues and personality. You help each other out as a team to help prosper in life.

I'm having difficulty in putting those two together maybe because of the differences between reproductive intent and platonic friendships. Or simply I can't get past this courtship thing. In fact I don't want to court a lady. I just want our friendship to grow romantic because I thought true friendship is enough, or at least enough for me, but I think now that would be unlikely because tests of reproductive compatibility and preparedness should happen before romantic love becomes accepted or successful. Or does it look like I'm not looking for a wife, or does not want to get married? Just a true friend to be with for life? I never had a romantic partner or a girlfriend (as it's usually defined) maybe because I'm looking for true, deep, platonic love and not necessarily romantic.



SilverStar
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12 Feb 2015, 10:30 pm

So you are looking for an exclusive, close friendship?



Echolalia
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13 Feb 2015, 12:29 am

arjay wrote:
I'm having difficulty in putting those two together maybe because of the differences between reproductive intent and platonic friendships.


It's very simple. If you want to have sex with her at some point then yes she needs to be attracted to you as well. Or you could just get an arranged marriage.

If you don't ever want to have sex with her then go find a friend. Or a lesbian who wouldn't mind sharing a house with you.

I think you are just over analysing everything because I think you probably do want someone you can have sex with but you don't want to do all the things that normally occur before that happens....ie, courtship.


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pirrouline
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13 Feb 2015, 3:42 pm

As far as I know, a lot of people who have romantic and sexual relationships have a fun, casual relationship with their partner and sometimes even met by being friends first. I think that for those kinds of committed relationships, you have to understand, support and share happiness with your partner like you would with a best friend. I know it's hard to understand because society can make it seem like those things are separate, but I've gradually noticed that not everybody is into dramatic, traditional expressions of romance, and people usually want their romantic relationships to include friendship.

Even so, I'm not sure whether the kind of relationship I want to have would be considered a romantic relationship, or a very close friendship. I'm mostly unsure about what kind of physical affection I like, and I know that plays a large role in how a relationship is seen at least from the outside (whether someone kisses their friend/partner, whether they have sex, etc.) I used to identify as aromantic, but I guess I don't understand enough about what romantic relationships are to make that declaration, so I decided to quit making assumptions about what kind of relationship I want and figure it out when I have one.



arjay
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14 Feb 2015, 1:49 am

what i want is a close friendship, especially a true one, at least. Is it normal for a deep friendship to become romantic, or are there instances that it will not happen, because example, you're not genetically compatible, financially stable, not good at flirting, etc.



KayteeKay
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14 Feb 2015, 3:26 pm

If you want a girlfriend, you're likely going to have to get over the aversion to "courting" thing.

If you want a close friend who happens to be a girl, there's no issue.



arjay
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21 Feb 2015, 8:45 pm

I see. Looks like the consideration of ability to raise and reproduce an unavoidable factor in romance, since courtshipt assesses those factors... Combine that with true friendships will multiply the odds of finding such a a lady.