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leiselmum
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16 Feb 2015, 2:48 am

This mid May she is considered an adult. Her school friends had been her friend since yr 7, they are all now in year 12. This year is the start of the second year where they have really excluded her socially. They have not asked her to leave their space, but they dont talk to her at all. They just talk around her. One girl will say hello maybe once every 2 weeks. My daughter talks to barely anyone at school, but she is not psychically alone.

Given this situation it would be super awkward to ask any of them to her 18th birthday, that is my gut feeling. I have a slight resentment toward 2 of them we considered to be closer to her, but have since started their second year of socially and verbally excluding her.

How do people struggling with social situations and anxiety in relation to autism/aspergers celebrate their new adulthood either at 18 or 21? party/no party, nice meal etc.

thanks for any relational experience or advice, i want to make this special for her

I'm thinking a meal at a hotel/restaurant with a nice cake, with her family, she loves cake, she wants flowers bows and sparkles.



InThisTogether
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16 Feb 2015, 7:30 am

Not knowing where you are or what means you have available, I already have a plan for my son if this is his case: we will be picked up by a limo and go to dinner, and then spend the night in a hotel with a swimming pool. He has always wanted to ride in a limo, and to him, staying in a hotel with a pool is exciting.

I am sorry this is happening. Kids can be very thoughtless, and when it comes to stuff like this, kids are still kids until at least their 25th birthday.


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Waterfalls
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16 Feb 2015, 7:48 am

Make it special yourself, try not to look backward and be sad. If you are happy for and with her, and whatever other family you want to be there, that's fine. You'll both walk away with good memories.



guzzle
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16 Feb 2015, 8:01 am

leiselmum wrote:
My daughter talks to barely anyone at school, but she is not psychically alone.

Given this situation it would be super awkward to ask any of them to her 18th birthday, that is my gut feeling. I have a slight resentment toward 2 of them we considered to be closer to her, but have since started their second year of socially and verbally excluding her.


Have you spoken to your daughter about this? Who's awkwardness are we talking about here? Yours or your daughter's
Not sure what you mean with physically alone but mental isolation tends to cut a lot deeper. DD was in the same boat between the ages of 7 and 9. She shut down. We're 2 years down the line now, she is in special education and doing great.
How does your daughter feel about those that exclude her? Does she have enough of a bond with the one that sometimes says hello to let them have a girlie day out somewhere?

DD will be 12 this year. Little bit a coming of age, here in Belgium anyway. Not sure what we'll do. Usually I let her choose something. Or give in to something I really don't want to do (tropical swimming pools, I hate them, she loves them) and get into the spirit of things. And afterwards we go usually go eat somewhere fast food as we rarely do so to DD a trip to McDonalds is a rare occurence and a treat :mrgreen:

Don't mean to come over rash, sorry if I do.



TonyaS
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04 Apr 2015, 3:55 pm

My son turned 18 in February. We went out to eat as a family and had a Birthday party for him with my family (parents, brother, sister-in-law, niece and nephews). I think what you have planned sounds like an awesome idea.



DW_a_mom
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06 Apr 2015, 6:56 pm

Oh my, you've made me realize that I haven't given any thought to my son's 18th birthday!

But now that I'm thinking about it ... I really believe that he will want to celebrate it the same way he has celebrated his last few birthdays, playing his favorite games with his 3 core friends. All day, at our house, with lunch and dinner from his favorite restaurants. Then the next day visit grandma and have the family party.

My son doesn't really enjoy the kinds of trappings I've always associated with "special." He absolutely doesn't want to be forgotten, but he also wants what HE wants and not what we think he wants, when it comes to pretty much everything.

Be sure to get your daughter those flowers, bows and sparkles :)


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trollcatman
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06 Apr 2015, 7:07 pm

^^^ What DW_a_mom said. I don't even remember my 18th birthday, I don't really care. To have people invited for me without me knowing, I really would not like that. I don't like surprises.