Giving Birth

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If men had to give birth, our species would die out.
Many males would fold under the strain.
Cheers to the strength and courage of women!

There is no need, in most cases, for childbirth to be painful. There are epidurals for that. I had one with both of my deliveries, and it was wonderful both times. I was alert, calm, and could still feel the contractions in a non-painful way (they felt just like flexing a muscle). My labor did not slow down, and there were no ill effects for me or my babies. It really bothers me that there seems to be this army of hippie-Nazis telling women that childbirth should be some kind of test of strength. Childbirth isn't about "proving" something to yourself or anyone else. And it's not a magical, glorious experience to go through hours and hours of pain while denying yourself safe, effective relief. It doesn't make you more womanly or in touch with the earth. The point of childbirth is to have a happy, healthy baby and mother at the end. The rest is just made-up hippie nonsense. IMHO

I most often agree with you, but here I do not, and I also feel that you are treading really close on disrespecting some people's values and beliefs, which I know is not the kind of person you are.

I gave birth naturally twice. It was a magical, glorious experience, and as a result, I am in touch with a part of myself I do not think I would have otherwise been introduced to. If you have never given birth naturally, without pain medication, I do not think you are in a position to make value judgments on what the experience is like. Yes, the end result we all want is a healthy baby, but the birth of my children...not the delivery, but the actual process of birthing, was an incredibly important part of my journey to motherhood. I would not have traded it for the world. I do not judge any woman who says that it is not an experience she wishes to have. It is irrelevant to me and my life. But I don't feel that my choices should be scorned by others, either.

You chose medical interventions, because that is what was matched your values and beliefs. It isn't "made up hippie nonsense" if someone does not share your values and beliefs. No need for judgment. The OP is merely asking for people's perspectives and opinions. Rather than bashing someone else's choices, it might be more constructive to share how you came to make you choice and what impact it had on your experience, don't you think? She can educate herself and decide what she wants to do.

I hope people don't argue. Strong opinions about this seem normal to me and I don't think anyone is trying to put anyone down.

I had an epidural for my first child and nothing with my second, not by choice. I don't think anyone is disrespecting anyone else's choice OP, I do think pain relief is important if you are anxious or suffering, if you want natural that's fine, I think it's very individual and that it's hard to be sure of what will happen and what you will want. Healthy mom healthy baby is the goal. As far as people, they are only there a short while, mostly everyone's too busy, on their computers, I suppose.

I found being in a strange environment and feeling trapped in the hospital extremely hard. Hopefully all goes well if you're in hospital and you can return home quickly.

I think the important thing is to choose people you trust and can depend on and get the information about your options, then let them know what you want and be flexible if things change. Feeling supported and safe is key wherever you give birth and whoever is there. If you trust one person who is in the room with you, I think it's an intense enough experience that's enough and for both my children I was able to tune out the obstetrician.....and both let me and shut up for someone else to talk to me as they seemed trained enough to get that their style was not helpful. I guess part of what I want to share is that it doesn't have to be perfect, even imperfect people want you and your baby to be ok, just be ready to focus on what you need to have and do, and whether it's your partner, a doula, a nurse, your mom, anyone who connects to you can help you through. But if you have the option.....a doula does sound helpful. And if you don't, trust yourself, trust your body, trust your baby.....and know we all wish you well!!

I was very worried about childbirth so I meditated we pregnacy about it. I had a 3 days at hospital labor, hellp syndrome ( a worst type of pre eclampsia) and was not bad! The most pain I experience was not from labor but only from my liver started shutting down and my kidneys. I belly dancer in the first 2 days and rocked in the last one. My favorite song was very helpful. My nurses all said how good I was doing and gave me so many gifts and I skyped with my mom in the beging and the I happily rocked and hummed to my favorite song and the.i pushed for 3 hours and my baby girl born. She was a bit premature ( 36 weeks and half) but she after some oxygen and massage started breathing and is the most perfect little girl... I tought my labor would be way more painful but I could really take the contractions as waves and just rock to it, rocking cancelled the pain about 80% and I totally recommend it !

Worse part of childbirth for me was the hellp syndrome and I still have kidney pain and high blood pressure, but contraction is not as near as bad I tought would be, really...maybe my experience was not very common, but I had worst period pains

I experienced 24 hours of labor with my water broken and no pain meds. Is that "good enough" for me to have an opinion? Or am I still not woman enough to speak? This is the kind of condescending attitude I was talking about in my first post.




Wow, what a loaded statement. First of, the phrase "you chose medical interventions" - is that what you would say to anyone else who took pain meds in any other situation? It implies that there is no legitimate value in medicine, and that using it is some kind of cop-out. And what does "values and beliefs" have to do with it? Yes, I value not being in pain. Childbirth is not my religion, it's a bodily function. An epidural doesn't make me an immoral person. Again, would you use that phrase with anyone who took pain meds in any other situation?




The only thing I "bashed" was people forcing their birth expectations on others and judging their choices. I never bashed your choice. I think your choice is great for you. It doesn't seem like YOU have that respect for MY choice.

Yippy Skippy I think she misunderstood you. I don't think you were bashing anyone's choices at all.

The negative is when people aren't allowed to make their own choices. That's what I get from both of you, that you support having and being able to exercise choice. That's what I think as well.

I also recommend doulas very much, I had an Excelent one that worked with my entire pregnancy with the midwife, she helped me a lot. My prenatal carewas throught a pregnant group with a midwife and a doula, and was in same time a parenting class and a prenatal appointment. I was at the homeless prenatal in sf, even tought I wasn't homeless my original midwife at the hospital reccomended it to me so I wouldn't be too isolated. and the best thing they would teach us to take our own blood pressure, do our own pee exam, weight our selfs and right in the chart, then the midwife would exam. It is just so much better feel in control of ur prenatal care and only been touched when necessary. But the post partum experience sucked very much, since I had hellp syndrome I stayed on a horrible medicine that makes feel super hot on the face, and they would take my baby to my room because all the routine exams that are important but I just wanted bond with my baby

You set me off when you called people who choose natural childbirth an "army of nazi hippies." I have a hard time not seeing that as a direct bash. And the tone of your post was at least equally as condescending as mine might have been, if you are to be honest. I didn't mean to be condescending and I am sorry if I was. I have written on here before that I am often perceived as condescending when I don't mean to be. I started off from the beginning by saying I do not see you to be the kind of person who would disrespect someone. I gave you the benefit of the doubt. And I will still give it to you because in general I do not see you as a disrespectful person. Something about this has set you off. I get it.

And yes, some people choose to medicate for pain in general, not just childbirth pain. Others do not. Some cannot make that choice for a variety of reasons. But recognizing that some people do not use pain medications does not mean I do not see pain medications as having value in medicine. Nor have I ever stated that taking pain medications is a cop-out. And I would certainly never, ever in a million years state that it is immoral. You put those words in my mouth. I said none of them. I think none of them. I feel none of them.

Honestly, I don't want to fight. But you start off by calling me a nazi-hippie--that is really horrible, btw-- and then you accuse me of calling you immoral. I can gather that you may have been given a hard time from someone for using an epidural, or have been made to feel guilty about your experience, but that someone is not me, and your attack was really unfair and probably not helpful to the OP.

Those of us who choose not to medicate are the "weird" ones. We are in the tiny minority. In the hospital I delivered in, natural childbirth was rare enough that some medical students had never seen it before I was there. They actually felt lucky to "see it in real life." We live in a culture that tells us pregnancy and childbirth are medical conditions. Sometimes they are, but often they are not. I will always offer support to anyone who is interested in learning or who wants to have a natural childbirth. I shouldn't have to be called a nazi because of it. And I certainly don't judge you or anyone else who does not have a natural childbirth, either by choice, or by necessity.

If she called you a nazi, it went by me and probably most people. The original post she wrote epidural right after you wrote. And on from there. Please reread I really see nothing where you're being called a nazi just someone writing what she believe and feels, to help the OP, and then reacting to being criticized. It's really ok, no one is judging you....may I cyber hug?

And people IRL may call you weird, that's the whole point of coming to WP, so we can be ourselves and not get called names. I don't think you're weird (but then I've declined other medical stuff, too) and if anyone called you weird, it went right by me too. You seem to me to be respected here.

OP there is no way to completely predict or control your birth experience, you simply need to plan and think as best you can. There are so many factors, from your health to how the child is doing, your pain tolerance, amount of support and degree of anxiety, how quickly labor progresses.....I hope you can think about what you want but keep an open mind things may proceed differently. And a home birth with no medication can be beautiful, people also can have a beautiful experience in the hospital and with an epidural. Whatever you choose and however things proceed I hope you can feel supported by the people around you and I hope you can be comfortable with expressing your wishes. There is nothing weird about having a dream how you want things to be (or not), just a matter whether you can set it up and whether things go as planned.

This is my own quote. Do you go around telling women that childbirth should be a test of strength? Do you try to force "natural" childbirth on other women through intimidation or guilt? If not, then I was not talking about you.

If you were not talking about me, I would have appreciated the clarification upfront when I indicated I felt you were being disrespectful. I misunderstood you. I apologize.

I am, however, an advocate for natural childbirth. I am not active in the community anymore because I am no longer of childbearing age, but I have never met an actual person who has said that childbirth should be some kind of test of strength. And by never, I literally mean never. Must be a pretty small and limited army.

I am also an advocate for natural childbirth. I think if you can do it, great. If you cannot, that is what the other stuff is there for. My daughter tried natural childbirth, but it became too much for her. She was very thankful for alternatives.

One thing I wish I had done differently is set very specific boundaries in regards to who could and could not come in to greet my children after birth. I completely forgot that swarms of relatives would want to rush in after and meet my children. That was the worst part of it for me... being crowded in a room with tons of well meaning family members. My daughter had the wisdom to set up boundaries like that before her son was born. Yes, it pissed some people off, but they got over it.

It is also there for people who do not wish to forego it.

Btw, I consider both of my births "natural". They certainly weren't unnatural, or supernatural, or synthetic, or pretend births. This term "natural birth" is just another loaded phrase in the mommy wars.

I agree. In my mind, that falls into people who cannot for whatever reason. My daughter, for example did not want to continue experiencing pain as she was. Birth is personal. That is her choice, her decision and her business. I respect that and support that. No epidural for her meant not okay. I am sure many people have other reasons behind it. A friend of mine once asked me why anyone in their right mind would not try to get a c section to avoid the whole birthing process entirely. Me? I would not want to deal with abdominal surgery. To each their own. Just because I am for natural birth, does not mean I am critical of those who choose to do otherwise.



Do you have a better term for it? I do not know a better one. From my own understanding it was understood that when people used this term they meant not using things such as epidurals or having a c section... some people include drugs in this, others do not. Am I incorrect?