The Duality of the Desire to Connect

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I have had the realization lately that out of all of my years of establishing very temporary friendships or relationships, that:

1. Most of the people were essentially good and worthy of friendship
2. My fear of interaction made me an aloof friend at random intervals
3. My random desires to be alone for weeks at a time made me feel guilty, enforcing aloofness
4. Any negative aspect from another person often makes me withdraw from the friendship

Looking back, I feel sad and a sense of loss over all of the friendships I have let wither, have severed, or have caused to be confusion-filled. I often suspect people tend to take advantage of me in a way...because I haven't always learned how to establish boundaries, which often leads to these dramatic or confusion episodes that end friendships.

For a year I have barely even tried to make friends. Nearing the end of college, I still have people text me to hang out, but all of these conflicting feelings makes it hard for me to actually establish consistent friendships. Sometimes I feel like it's too late. I missed so much fun. It didn't come naturally. I spent 99% of my time composing and playing piano.

Any advice? How do you balance all of these opposing wants and needs when it just doesn't feel natural? How do I loosen up a bit as a friend?

One thing I found to help is to text people throughout the time you are not seeing each other in person. It keeps you from feeling guilty about not hanging out as often as in a typical TV friendship. It's pretty much expected after college for most friendships.

Anothe thing, in reference to negative qualities in a friend, is to speak up for yourself if something bothers you, but to also pick your battles. Don't feel like a friendship will be over if you confront something, however big or little. A conflict and resolution often strengthens your bond.

All in all, just work hard at the friendship (once you are actually friends) for some time, and eventually you can coast from there, not hanging out all the time and still remain good friends, never going back to square one with them.

Just some thoughts! I think about this stuff a lot.

Thanks! That helps