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GreatAlli
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27 Feb 2015, 1:51 pm

I've read different trait lists and have come across things like "may have poor sense of identity" a few times. Do you guys feel like you have a strong sense of self and how does it affect you? I feel like my lack of own identity has become the biggest obstacle in the way of making and maintaining friends as I've gotten older, so I'm curious.



Hyperborean
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27 Feb 2015, 2:17 pm

A sense of self or identity is something that gradually develops during the course of our lifetime, regardless of whether we're on the spectrum or neurotypical - it's what be might described as a 'work in progress'. According to your profile you're 19, so it isn't at all unusual that you feel you lack a sense of self. If they're honest with themselves, most people your age (and older) have this feeling; it's what lies behind much of the macho bravado, binge-drinking, sexual promiscuity, gun crime and other anti-social behaviour that people indulge in in order to prove (usually to themselves more than to others) who they are.

Think of the process like this: explore yourself, know yourself and then be yourself.

I'm 57, and there are still things that I don't know about myself, nuances that I've yet to discover. So if I were you I wouldn't worry about it.


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GreatAlli
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27 Feb 2015, 2:35 pm

Hyperborean wrote:
A sense of self or identity is something that gradually develops during the course of our lifetime, regardless of whether we're on the spectrum or neurotypical - it's what be might described as a 'work in progress'. According to your profile you're 19, so it isn't at all unusual that you feel you lack a sense of self. If they're honest with themselves, most people your age (and older) have this feeling; it's what lies behind much of the macho bravado, binge-drinking, sexual promiscuity, gun crime and other anti-social behaviour that people indulge in in order to prove (usually to themselves more than to others) who they are.

Think of the process like this: explore yourself, know yourself and then be yourself.


My identity is my special interest and nothing more. Not knowing what you want out of life or what kind of person you want to be might be normal, but I somewhat doubt that having essentially no personal identity or self-understanding is typical. Even if it is, though, your average NT still manages to connect with others and grow within relationships despite not having a solid foundation in themselves as people.

Anyways, I guess I'm not looking for advice on my situation specifically. I'm really just curious if others here would consider themselves to.



doofy
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27 Feb 2015, 2:41 pm

I have an incredibly poor sense of identity. It's got worse as I've got older.

I've spent decades trying to fit in, trying to copy the characteristics of those around me and failing.

Now, I've stopped trying to fit in, am accepting my isolation, and sense of self is very poor. I put it down to autism.



RhodyStruggle
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27 Feb 2015, 3:06 pm

My sense of identity is so strong that I'm incapable of functioning in a reality populated with persons-who-are-not-me. For a long time the only way I was able to function was by suppressing my sense of identity to the point of dissociation - which let me function in a reality populated with persons-who-are-not-me, but said reality didn't have me in it. So that isn't great.

Taking a one-semester course in metaphysics did more to help me with this than years of therapy or medications ever did.


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Raleigh
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27 Feb 2015, 3:10 pm

Until recently I didn't even believe I had a 'self'. I felt like I was pieces of everyone else stuck together with dodgy, under-strength glue like a preschooler's collage. At every moment pieces threatened to fall off and expose the defects underneath.
I'm done with faking. I've found myself, accepted who I am, and if the world doesn't like it, well f**k 'em.


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btbnnyr
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27 Feb 2015, 10:09 pm

I don't understand what it is to have poor sense of identity, good sense of identity, what the differences are between these, and how to tell what oneself or another person has.


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Apple_in_my_Eye
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28 Feb 2015, 12:26 am

^ I've never really understood the concept, either.