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dianthus
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17 Mar 2015, 1:53 pm

Does anyone else find it really stressful to get private messages? not just here, but online in general?



creepycrawly36
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17 Mar 2015, 2:01 pm

I've never had any, so I don't know if it would be stressful or not. Maybe there is a way to opt out of receiving them.



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17 Mar 2015, 2:05 pm

There are many times when I will delete an email unread, if I think the sender is yelling at me about something. Same for texts, sometimes I cannot tell if the sender is being sarcastic or rude (and sometimes I know they are) and it causes me an anxiety attack. Having people judge and abuse me for being myself makes me sick and depressed, so I'd rather not read their nasty messages.

PMs are almost like sudden, unexpected social encounters. One moment, I'm in my own head, chillin,' and the next, there's somebody right in my face, expecting me to be cheery and conversational on demand. IDK WTF to say, leave me alone. :oops:


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17 Mar 2015, 2:09 pm

Yes sometimes because i am very bad at reading sarcasm in written form and often times make a fool of myself online when i think someone is being genuine when they are being sarcastic.



dianthus
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17 Mar 2015, 2:17 pm

PMs are almost like sudden, unexpected social encounters. One moment, I'm in my own head, chillin,' and the next, there's somebody right in my face, expecting me to be cheery and conversational on demand. IDK WTF to say, leave me alone. :oops:


Yes that's exactly how it makes me feel.

I know a lot of people say they like talking online, because it's indirect and they can take their time responding to things. But to me it feels almost as if the person is literally standing right there waiting for a response.

Actually in a way, it's worse than in person. Most of the time if I am interacting with someone face-to-face, there's a reason and I'm somewhat prepared for it. But if I get a message online, it's usually very unexpected and I have no idea what it will be about.



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17 Mar 2015, 9:22 pm

I like PMs because I can do whatever I want with them whenever I want. IRL is immediate.

I am OK with confrontation unless the other person is threatening as all hell.


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kraftiekortie
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17 Mar 2015, 9:28 pm

Nope...you can't "edit" what you say in "real life."



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17 Mar 2015, 10:19 pm

All PM's that I've ever received here on WP are friendly ones. I'm very happy to receive that kind of PM's. At the same time even such PM's may make me a little anxious because I want to respond nicely to the sender but I might end up saying something weird/stupid in my reply and putting him/her off. I could say it's the online version of social anxiety.

With messages/emails in general, what sometimes makes me uncomfortable is that if you don't carefully word your message, the receiver of the message could get the false impression that you are trying to be sarcastic/distant etc. My delayed (because I was at work) response to a text message from a "friend" and his totally negative misinterpretation of my messages eventually led to the end of that "friendship". Negative minds can read so much negativity into your innocent message.



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18 Mar 2015, 12:57 am

I have gotten PMs of student researchers who want to use my LGBT posts, presumably to write their school papers.



Kiprobalhato
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18 Mar 2015, 1:09 am

creepycrawly36 wrote:
I've never had any, so I don't know if it would be stressful or not. Maybe there is a way to opt out of receiving them.


here, on WP there is. go here: http://wrongplanet.net/forums/ucp.php?i=174 and deselect Allow users to send you private messages.

not sure if it works tbh, but that's the closest there is.


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18 Mar 2015, 2:39 am

On other forums, I get excited because I think "yay someone likes me and wants to talk to me" and on here I get nervous because I don't know what the PM is and who it's from. I don't know if it's going to be a PM from a mod saying I broke one of the rules even though I don't believe I did something wrong but the thought is still there. I don't know if a member here is going to accuse me of something or say something to me that makes no sense. I have gotten strange PMs here in the past years back from several members and they wouldn't even answer me when I would try and ask so they make some sense for me.


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Sherry221B
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18 Mar 2015, 3:16 am

It depends from whom, and the purpose, and the intention they might have. And, I do think it is good to avoid the reading of nasty messages.



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18 Mar 2015, 3:27 am

I found it stressful, until I realised that this is an ASD website, and maybe some other people would understand delays in replies or no reply at all and as such, has a less pressured communication ethos. :D
All other types of private messages I reply to ASAP, or procrastinate until it is no longer appropriate to reply.



sparrowblue
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18 Mar 2015, 5:38 am

I find it much, much less stressful than real-life encounters. I rarely reply straight away, because I can think so much better if I take a step back and breathe and go back to it a little later, when I know it's there so it doesn't hit me as some kind of a shock. I can think and I can edit. At times I've been really happy to receive PMs.

That said, other times I'm not in a state to deal with any kind of interaction and sometimes it stresses me out more than other times. So I think I understand what you mean, but it's only that way some of the time for me. If that's the case I sometimes don't reply. It makes me feel guilty but sometimes I just can't think of anything to say, and doubt I ever will come up with something genuine, at which point I tend to take a step back and move on unless it's very important that I reply.

In cases where I'm too stressed out for interaction, or the messages are hostile, I find it helps to detach to some extent and try to stop seeing any demands as so personal. Makes it feel less like a punch to the chest. Sometimes I disconnect from the internet to avoid any chance of this happening when I know I can't deal with it, and don't tend to stick around any place for a long time because of the waves of overload. Instant messaging with someone I'm not very comfortable with can be bad. In another way it can be just as bad with people I'm comfortable with. I'm starting to ramble here...to sum it up my answer is yes, sometimes. I detach from it when I can't deal and just hope I haven't caused others problems, that they can move on and deal with it and in my experience they generally can since they (usually; hopefully) have little emotional attachment to me or to getting a particular reply from one who is in essence an internet stranger. Other times, when the perceived pressure is low and there's actually something to talk about, it's great.



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18 Mar 2015, 7:25 am

I absolutely agree......PM's should always aim at being non-confrontational, nice, etc.