Helplessness and anger

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One of the most frustrating parts of my life is when I am constantly feeling helpless. There are many situations where I may feel helpless such as my parents decided to clean up my room without my consent. I cant find anything anymore because my OCD parents feel that my sense of tidy is untidy. When I ask them where they put something, they do not know. Another situation is that I am in bad health because I live in an environment that affects me severely, both in a physical and psychological way, but I cannot escape it because I am unemployed and in debt (because of my stupid car loan that I got at a time when my former employer ensured me that my job was secure). These kinds of situations cause me so much stress that I started smoking because there was no other way to manage the stress. And when I stop smoking, it begins where it left off before I started: Daily anger outbursts where I go verbally berserk. I still feel helpless because I just want to leave and manage my own life without people constantly interfering.

Are you searching for a new job? I think obtaining a new job would be just the solution to your dilemma.

I'm sorry you're feeling hopeless.

I know precisely how you feel--I couldn't make it living with my mother past the age of 20. I used to feel like wringing her neck!

Finding a job. Easier said than done. When you are young in Europe, then you can have a pretty hard time finding work since they set the standards so high.

Being a teen is so tough I know. It's even hard for NTs too. I felt trapped as a teen and helpless because my brothers would have friends over all the time and be loud and make messes and be in my space. My anxiety got worse and then both my parents were getting mad at me and quit giving a darn about my anxiety. I was the one OCD about the house and it would stress me out to keep it clean and I would always worry about messes and honestly I wonder if them doing this is what cured me from this OCD because I recently read that to make someone with OCD overcome their fear, they have to face that fear by not doing that compulsion and then it goes away. It's controversial about rather it works or not. For some it works. I don't think I feared messes, I just didn't like them and preferred having everything clean and stuff put away. It felt more relaxing and less chaotic. Then my dad brought home a puppy and unfortunately he wouldn't go outside and he would just wait until he was inside to relieve himself and that made things worse in our house because of me. I hated that animal so I always kept him outside or in his crate and everyone thought it was so cruel to keep him locked up all the time. It does turn out I was right about crating him because that is how you exactly train a puppy when you can't watch them. I think 2001 was a very had year for me. I couldn't just go and get a job or move out because I didn't have any money and we lived out in the country so I had no way of going to work and I didn't drive then. I also wanted to kill myself too because of so much stress and I was so unhappy and hated how things were.I also tried having ODD so I can get my way and bye bye anxiety but instead it backfired. I think the hospital threat worked too well because I was too afraid to come forward and tell my family I was having frequent thoughts of harming our dog and I was feeling I was getting close to drowning him in our pond when everyone is gone. But I didn't want to get sent away so I suffered in silence. That was how crazy the animal was making me including giving me nightmares. Rather I wished I came forward for not is irrelevant because he died anyway thanks to getting hit by my mom's car because he was chasing after it and slipped on some ice. What also kept me from harming the animal and killing him was fear of being sent away. I waited until he was dead before I said anything and my mom was shocked because I acted like I loved the little thing but I told her it was because I was trying to get rid of the evil. If I gave him love, maybe he will stop being bad and start going outside. Insane I know. My mom confessed she didn't like that dog much either because he gave me so much anxiety and it made it hard for her to live with so she also felt relieved when he died. I actually celebrated his death. I didn't have parties or anything or throw any string and cheering. I just celebrated in silence. Every year on the day he died was always a special year for me because it was the day my anxiety lessened and I felt calmer because whatever was causing me so much stress and craziness was removed from my environment. I still had stress and anxiety but not as much because the dog was gone. Then we got another animal and she did train to go out. It didn't take her long at all to learn. All our other dogs we have had trained to go out. Only time they ever peed inside was if anyone wasn't paying any attention to them or failed to take them out. Why that one dog wouldn't train to go out, maybe he was just confused so he had it backwards. Every dog is different. Some learn quicker than others and some it takes time and patience and keeping your cool. Maybe he really was an innocent animal.