How do deal with asperger physical characteristics?

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squatterandtheant
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18 Mar 2007, 12:48 pm

It would nice not to look like a crack addict (No offence to crack addicts but I am not one) all the time: low facial muscle tone, large eyes, occasional pupil dialation and pale.



Last edited by squatterandtheant on 23 Mar 2007, 6:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

tkmattson
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18 Mar 2007, 12:57 pm

squatterandtheant wrote:
It would nice not to look like a crack addict (No offence to crack addicts but I am not one) all the time: low facial muscle tone, large eyes with fixed stare, occasional pupil dialation and pale skin. I find people dont take me seriously, not helped by my not-so-good asperger social skills. As a result my self esteem plummets and stops me from moving forward and getting the most out of life. Do other people suffer this or simular? What can i do to improve my appearance issues as described above? Any help would be gratefully appreciated!


Facial muscle tone may be helped with....singing lessons. Large eyes with a fixed stare? Eh, you can make that work FOR you instead of against you - faraway eyes, you know? Pupil dilation? Do you need glasses - perhaps you should have your eyes checked, as this actually used to happen to me a good deal - is this coupled with sort of feeling tired in your eyes, or a headache? If so, head to Lens Crafters or whatnot. Pale skin - unless you really want to try to get yourself a tan or something, I wouldn't worry about this too much, pale skin is almost as desirable for many people these days as tans were twenty years ago, especially since so much has been found out about skin cancer.



SteveK
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18 Mar 2007, 1:36 pm

squatterandtheant wrote:
It would nice not to look like a crack addict (No offence to crack addicts but I am not one) all the time: low facial muscle tone, large eyes with fixed stare, occasional pupil dialation and pale skin. I find people dont take me seriously, not helped by my not-so-good asperger social skills. As a result my self esteem plummets and stops me from moving forward and getting the most out of life. Do other people suffer this or simular? What can i do to improve my appearance issues as described above? Any help would be gratefully appreciated!


Actually, this is a possible look AS people may have but not all do. If you can control the muscles, you CAN build tone. The lack of tone may be simply due to a lack of expression and speech. squatterandtheant's idea about singing may be good. The school I went to when I was younger required that. Who knows, maybe it helped me there. I remember I wasn't really into it, and didn't talk much. You can't have a fixed stare ALL THE TIME, can you? Again, I tend to have a "one track mind", so I may be preoccupied with one thing. So the pupil dilation is only occasional? That makes more sense. I have a picture of me at 5, and my pupils were LARGE. That never made sense, due to light levels. If the dilation was only occasional, it would make more sense. Anyway, THAT, and some of the other stuff can be helped by wearing darker glasses.

My next suggestion is one even I don't take, but.... You can try walking around the block, or simply getting out more. Still, this brings back a funny memory! Once, I noticed that my left arm was noticably darker than my right. It was STILL far from tanned, but it WAS darker! Any guess as to why? Well, when it was summer, I opened the window to get some wind. I rested my LEFT arm on the window sill. Even the brief(like 6 hours a week) exposure gave me a darker complexion there!

BTW Try developing OTHER reasons for self esteem. If I based that 100% on what other people thought, I would LITERALLY be DEAD!

Steve



squatterandtheant
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18 Mar 2007, 1:37 pm

singing lessons huh. Well my eyesight is perfect, so i dont think its that. The problem is the combination of these things. Thanks for your suggestions :)

Anyone else got any suggestions?



squatterandtheant
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18 Mar 2007, 1:48 pm

Sure I have little concern about what people think. But just sometimes you know.. thanks for feedback

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18 Mar 2007, 1:51 pm

Pale skin looks better than tan as it is healthier looking,tan is just sun damage.
If people didnt take the person seriously because of the skin colour,they are not worth the effort to know.



unnamed
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18 Mar 2007, 1:53 pm

Hi, my advice is to: 1) dress as well as you can afford - get an NT female to help you shop if you're unsure what clothes look good on you 2) get regular exercise - enough to make you sweat for 30 minutes 3 times a week - this will do wonders for your skin's appearance 3) keep yourself well-groomed and neat, even when you don't feel like it 4) smile as much as possible - this will give your face some exercise and also soften the impression of that "intense" aspie stare. I do all of the above, and yes, it does help me look and feel much better. Sorry if this sounds pollyanna-ish, but it works for me! Good luck.



squatterandtheant
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18 Mar 2007, 1:57 pm

thanks guys :) :)



richardbenson
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18 Mar 2007, 2:14 pm

my looks dont really bother me aside from the fact i wear glasses.


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poopylungstuffing
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18 Mar 2007, 2:55 pm

When i was younger, everyone either said I looked like Wednesday Adaams or Lydia from Beetle Juice..nothing wrong with that..pale face..intense unsmiling stare, large dark eyes...dark hair.

The crack addicts I know look much different from that.

My younger (NT) sister used to complain to my parents that I walked around school like I was on drugs...(when we finally went to the same school)..but she was always hypercritical of me



ascan
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18 Mar 2007, 3:22 pm

squatterandtheant wrote:
...low facial muscle tone, large eyes with fixed stare, occasional pupil dialation...

Wear dark glasses; it makes a big difference. I don't like eye contact, but when I do make it it unsettles people. However, when they can't see my eyes things seem to go better.



Starbuline
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18 Mar 2007, 4:31 pm

Hehe I do have large eyes, but they're sunken in. And yes I'm extremely pale, and proud of it.



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18 Mar 2007, 5:18 pm

Damned straight!

But I do often get asked if I'm high. I just tell them "All the time"



polyrhythmia
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18 Mar 2007, 5:18 pm

I would not consider large pupils to be a problem, but rather an asset. In pictures of people identical except for the pupil size, those with large pupils were considered better looking. Narrow pupils tend to be associated with anger. As it is, you have no control over the pupil size, and this can be useful if you play poker. And pale skin? You are born with what you have, and many find it attractive. Interestingly enough, I have this picture of me when I was in Orchard Place. I was as white as a ghost, did not have any color, but then again we rarely ever went outdoors while there. And by the way, some sun exposure is good and necessary to get optimum vitamin D levels, but if you are pale, you don't need but a few minutes of sun to to the trick. And don't most aspies look younger than their years, this being from chronic lack of facial expression?



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18 Mar 2007, 5:30 pm

I feel better with sunshine and a tan. It helps with depression and lifts my mood. I go to the Caribbean as often as I can for the sun and the people. They are so laid back and accepting and it runs on island time, mon. I don't feel that the sun is unhealthy with the use of a sunscreen with a high SPF.



squatterandtheant
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18 Mar 2007, 7:14 pm

thanks for all that

keep suggestions coming