How do deal with asperger physical characteristics?

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krex
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19 Mar 2007, 1:50 pm

Social constructs of attractiveness change rapidly....crack look ,use to be heroin chic<---(sp,pronounced sheek)....I went to a business college where everyone sported a tan except us deathrockers and punks....we each had a superiority complex about our own group "look" being the best.......Hippies use to think a tan was a sign of being carefree....days in the sun playing frisbee and getting stoned.....in "old timey days"....pale skin was a sign that you were wealthy enough to not have to labor in the fields....then it became a sign of wealth to be tan because you could afford to not work in an office and spend your time vacationing on a cruise ship,playing tennis and sunning.Women use to put Belladonna in their eyes to increase pupil size because it is a reaction to sexual attraction and they considered attractive....(lip and cheek blush are also meant to mimic sexual attraction as the skin becomes flushed with blood during arousal).....


Do you really want to keep us with all these rules.Gives me a fricken migraine just thinking about it.I prefer the "bag lady" look,similiar to squatter(as is part of my personal history)....I guess the best rule is to "look like" the kind of people you find most attractive..."birds of a feather" do tend to flock together.When I went through the "slut phase" in high school,I was loving all the attention but didnt realize until later that I was only attracting guys who wanted to have sex....imagine my surprise....lol


So my advice....false advertising may get you what you want but as soon as the attracted finds out it is not really "you",they may get mad at being deceived....and it is very time consuming to keep up.


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unnamed
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19 Mar 2007, 3:14 pm

krex wrote:

So my advice....false advertising may get you what you want but as soon as the attracted finds out it is not really "you",they may get mad at being deceived....and it is very time consuming to keep up.


I certainly agree that it's very time-consuming to keep up a good physical appearance, but I don't see where making ourselves more physically attractive connotates false advertising and deception. In what way are we no longer "us" if we improve our appearances for our own self-esteem? If a person later feels deceived by someone with Aspergers for some reason, then that's THEIR problem, not ours. Deception comes from inside; it has nothing to do with makeup, nice clothes, tans, silicone parts or lack thereof. And let's face it: we're lousy at psychological deception anyway, so we can't NOT be ourselves!! That's what I love most about us!!



krex
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19 Mar 2007, 4:14 pm

unnamed wrote:
krex wrote:

So my advice....false advertising may get you what you want but as soon as the attracted finds out it is not really "you",they may get mad at being deceived....and it is very time consuming to keep up.


I certainly agree that it's very time-consuming to keep up a good physical appearance, but I don't see where making ourselves more physically attractive connotates false advertising and deception. In what way are we no longer "us" if we improve our appearances for our own self-esteem? If a person later feels deceived by someone with Aspergers for some reason, then that's THEIR problem, not ours. Deception comes from inside; it has nothing to do with makeup, nice clothes, tans, silicone parts or lack thereof. And let's face it: we're lousy at psychological deception anyway, so we can't NOT be ourselves!! That's what I love most about us!!


Guess my point is....If you modify yourself to attract someone,you should expect that the person is going to be upset when they are "caught" and you stop doing the modification.It wouldnt be fare of me to wear a lot of make-up and dressy clothes and then as soon as the guy moves in....drop the make-up put my hair up in a ponytail and wear sweats all day.I think it pisses people off when their partner does this,so I dont ,because I have no intention in maintaining this appearance.If you find it worth spending time on....then it isnt false advertising for you....but for me,I would rather be on line or reading,collecting rocks or refinishing furniture.....not curling my hair and and shopping for clothes.....

Be true to who you really are and you will have less problems is just how I see relationships and it has worked pretty good for me.


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Shale
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19 Mar 2007, 7:20 pm

Pale skin...that can be sexy ya know. You want to have a healthy glow and not look like you've been locked in a sunless dungeon all your life, but you don't need to be dark. I myself am part asian, and the chinese-malaysian gene has a tendency to be VERY dark. I'm normally quite pale, but get me into sunlight and I go brown as heck. It's not sun damage as mentioned above, it's just genetics sometimes ;)

Low tone of the facial muscles...this is from NEGLECT! :lol: Your body is lanky if you don't get any exercise...the face is the same. Learn what facial expressions are appropriate when, and practise using them more. The smile is the important one...people that smile a lot seem to have strong, prominent cheekbones for a start. Try noting when you should smile, when you should raise your eyebrows. Also, try what I call a 'bright' expression from time to time. It should feel like you've pulled your ears back, raised your eyebrows and dropped your jaw just a little from closed. It helps if you try sitting up a little straighter, pull your shoulders back a little. It's not a permanent position, but it does make you feel and look more awake...and for those getting long in the tooth, look a little younger :lol: It'll help to kill any bad posture, and tone the facial muscles.

Be expressive! :D Well, when you remember to ;) Smile lots! Especially if you feel like doing so! Be with people that make you laugh, watch or do things that make you laugh.

Don't worry about that fixed stare...you may want to find ways to reduce the 'intensity' of it though. As an NT, I've found that the Aspies I know that make good eye contact have a very INTENSE stare that bores holes into me...whereas the average NT has a more casual glance. Hard to describe.

More than anything, exercise will help. As mentioned above...work up a sweat for 30 minutes a day at least 3 times a week and you should see results :)




And to everyone complaining about having to conform to any semblence of appearance expectations. I hope to see none of you in the singles threads! If you make no effort in appearance etc then you should be able to find someone out there that's just perfect for you, though it'll be a long hard hunt. You know what's holding you back if you are single and struggling, so you forefeit all rights to complain :P Anyone that goes from here to the love and dating section to whine about having no one will get an e-schmack. :lol:



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19 Mar 2007, 10:08 pm

I think I probably look kind of dazed out most of the time. Also nervous. When i'm in pubs, no matter how much I try to enjoy it someone always keeps telling me to relax.. easier said than done >_<

My advice is to go for a walk in the sun, get a funky new haircut or colour, and if possible, alcohol.



jaleb
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19 Mar 2007, 10:18 pm

have you thought about using a self-tanner product on your face?? I am also very pale (as is my AS son) although he will tan some in the summer but then he loses it all and EVERY winter he is so pale he looks sick. But anyway, I use a self-tanner on my face in the winter time especially when my paleness is worse. Of course I use very little and only the kind for fair to light skin.


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calandale
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20 Mar 2007, 1:42 am

Personally, I find a healthy pallor attractive.



Lightning88
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20 Mar 2007, 9:14 am

You know, I've always wondered about the whole being pale thing. My dad is very dark (as a little kid, I thought he was orange) and my mom is fair, but not pale. But I'm so pale, even the lightest shade of make-up is sometimes too dark for me!



SteveK
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20 Mar 2007, 1:24 pm

Lightning88 wrote:
You know, I've always wondered about the whole being pale thing. My dad is very dark (as a little kid, I thought he was orange) and my mom is fair, but not pale. But I'm so pale, even the lightest shade of make-up is sometimes too dark for me!


You aren't that pale. At least your latest picture doesn't look like that. HECK, I might not be much darker than you. As for your father, maybe he had light skin, and had too much carotene, or used a quick tank product. Either one appears orange.

Still, A lot of queens used lead oxide to try to look SERIOUSLY pale. They thought it was healthy! lead is a deadly nerve toxin that is currently outlawed in MANY countries in many things. The US now(Since the 70s) outlaws it in fuels, paints, presevatives, etc... to name just a few.

Steve



janicka
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20 Mar 2007, 1:31 pm

I can't relate to the physical charecteristics that you're describing, but I am clumsy as hell so I can related to the general situation. I'll trip over my own feet and wind up looking like a drunk. I wish that didn't happen to me because it makes people think that I am on drugs.



janicka
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20 Mar 2007, 1:33 pm

SteveK wrote:

Still, A lot of queens used lead oxide to try to look SERIOUSLY pale. They thought it was healthy! lead is a deadly nerve toxin that is currently outlawed in MANY countries in many things. The US now(Since the 70s) outlaws it in fuels, paints, presevatives, etc... to name just a few.

Steve


I've also heard of some women from higher social classes using arsenic to have a nice pallor with a slight greenish tinge.



hyperbolic
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20 Mar 2007, 1:41 pm

I got things like "xon's on crack" and "xon's stoned" (xon is not my real name, of course) occasionally in high school.

I have dark circles under my eyes that are hereditary.



jaleb
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20 Mar 2007, 2:00 pm

when I was in high school people used to make fun of me and call me an albino (I am NT so it is not just an AS thing).


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richie
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20 Mar 2007, 6:20 pm

Diet and exercise go a long way in improving ones appearance, health
and self esteem.
http://www.tinaja.com/glib/dontsick.pdf

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21 Mar 2007, 11:29 am

squatterandtheant wrote:
It would nice not to look like a crack addict (No offence to crack addicts but I am not one) all the time: low facial muscle tone, large eyes with fixed stare, occasional pupil dialation and pale skin. I find people dont take me seriously, not helped by my not-so-good asperger social skills. As a result my self esteem plummets and stops me from moving forward and getting the most out of life. Do other people suffer this or simular? What can i do to improve my appearance issues as described above? Any help would be gratefully appreciated!


if people don't take you seriously that's their problem, just be yourself don't try and be somebody your not, i think my 8 year old is an aspie (am still waiting to have it confirmed) he is unusal in his mannerisms but to me he is unique, as for the self esteem just try and think positive and remember all the good things about yourself.