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Summer_Twilight
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05 Apr 2015, 10:34 am

On Friday night I had dinner at my house for Passover with a friend of the opposite sex. This person has been known to have a crush on me even though I had made it clear that I don't have those feelings in return. They have tried to hold my hand many times and I have expressed that I do not like that.

This past Friday though when we had dinner together I had attempted to dim my dining room light way down. It was when I did that my friend felt it was too dark while also implying I was trying to set a romantic atmosphere. I ended up feeling so embarrassed that I burst out laughing.

We also ended up talking and I made it clear that I knew they were not the one and were nice looking with a good head on their shoulders.

While I agree that I was tired and was going head straight to bed after my friend left, they and I snuggled on my futon. This was the first time that I felt good being in their arms. I was worried that we would end up kissing but instead my friend cut it short abruptly and headed out the door pretty fast. It was upon leaving that they said "This time I will not text you when I get home. I want you to sleep." Then they went straight to their car and went home. I have not heard from them since.

Can anyone help me make sense of what happened? If we do contact each other again how should I approach it? I don't want to chase them.



dossa
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05 Apr 2015, 11:10 am

Hm. I would guess that your friend left abruptly either because they knew you were tired or because they did not want you to be weirded out over the intimacy? Not sure if i am saying that right. It would be rude for them to stay knowing you were ready for bed, so they did the polite thing. Or maybe they started having romantic type feeling while you two were lying down so they got out so as not to put you in an uncomfortable place. I would be more inclined to think it was sleep related because they did make a point to say they would let you sleep and not call.

I don't know how to approach it the next time the two of you talk. I am curious though, is this a highly unusual amount of time to pass between conversations? I do not know what types of holiday plans either of you do or do not have, but this weekend can be really busy for some people. There might not be a need to address anything. Maybe say thanks for a nice evening and thanks for letting you sleep?


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Amity
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05 Apr 2015, 11:34 am

He has a crush on you and you snuggled with him... I dont know, if I had a crush on someone and we became that close physically, I would find that very confusing, knowing that my feelings were unrequited. Perhaps contact him casually like dossa suggested.
Have your feelings about 'friendship only' changed?



Summer_Twilight
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05 Apr 2015, 12:41 pm

I honestly think he is a nice looking guy and truth be told this is the first time that I snuggled with him and didn't want to get up.



Amity
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05 Apr 2015, 1:12 pm

Cool, that is nice :) . You have the foundation of a friendship too, excellent.
Going from friends to dating is a risk if it is has been a long term friendship; but you only live once, and I think the chance of a meaningful relationship could be worth the risk if you are certain about changing the dynamic. He has communicated his feelings clearly, but you might be less certain about how you feel, take things nice and slowly, if you are serious about it and it's more than an urge, then there is no need to rush, continue to meet up and see if this feeling you have persists :wink:.
Can you talk with him about how it felt when you were together on the futon?



Summer_Twilight
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05 Apr 2015, 6:35 pm

I am going to leave him along for a while but I felt like we almost got to second base.



Amity
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06 Apr 2015, 3:36 pm

I'm not sure of what you are saying. Do you mean that you are going to leave him alone for a while?



sly279
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06 Apr 2015, 8:00 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I am going to leave him along for a while but I felt like we almost got to second base.

did you want that?



Summer_Twilight
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07 Apr 2015, 7:22 am

We were talking about it after dinner. He said that if he chose between dating another person and myself he would chose me. That is only if he cannot find anyone else at the moment. I told him not to date someone just because he's lonely. That was before the snuggling on the couch.

I haven't bothered to contact him and vise versa. I am thinking that the ball should be in his court and if he wants to peruse things with me then I will leave that up to him.



sly279
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07 Apr 2015, 3:06 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
We were talking about it after dinner. He said that if he chose between dating another person and myself he would chose me. That is only if he cannot find anyone else at the moment. I told him not to date someone just because he's lonely. That was before the snuggling on the couch.

I haven't bothered to contact him and vise versa. I am thinking that the ball should be in his court and if he wants to peruse things with me then I will leave that up to him.



hmm.

I personally after other stuff you said would be too afraid to bring it up. I also get attached from touching.
he may feel confused by the actions and unsure/afraid what to do.
so you're not into him but kinda are?

then what he said sounds like you're just a last choice? that sounds awful.

jealous you got to cuddle.



Amity
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07 Apr 2015, 3:21 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
He said that if he chose between dating another person and myself he would chose me. That is only if he cannot find anyone else at the moment.


This changes everything. Yeah, perhaps leaving him alone for a while is a good idea.



androbot01
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07 Apr 2015, 3:33 pm

Aren't you leading him on by snuggling with him, though? You know he's interested.
Have you heard anything from him yet? If not, I think you should contact him and ask how he feels about things.



sly279
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07 Apr 2015, 3:55 pm

androbot01 wrote:
Aren't you leading him on by snuggling with him, though? You know he's interested.
Have you heard anything from him yet? If not, I think you should contact him and ask how he feels about things.


hi ann

yeah its tricky because also what he said. hmm



androbot01
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07 Apr 2015, 4:46 pm

sly279 wrote:
androbot01 wrote:
Aren't you leading him on by snuggling with him, though? You know he's interested.
Have you heard anything from him yet? If not, I think you should contact him and ask how he feels about things.


hi ann

yeah its tricky because also what he said. hmm


Hi sly,
Yes. Mixed messages on both sides.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Apr 2015, 8:34 pm

Before he snuggled he said that he would take the trash out but it was after he snuggled that he seemed pretty keen on getting out of there pretty fast.

Once again he said that he wasn't going to text me when he got home because I needed to sleep. In fact I felt like he seemed pretty disappointed.



sly279
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09 Apr 2015, 2:43 am

Summer_Twilight wrote:
Before he snuggled he said that he would take the trash out but it was after he snuggled that he seemed pretty keen on getting out of there pretty fast.

Once again he said that he wasn't going to text me when he got home because I needed to sleep. In fact I felt like he seemed pretty disappointed.



hard to say. personally I don't and will never cuddle/snuggle with someone I don't have romantic interest in. but not all guys are like that.

how long was the snuggle?