Afraid of Friendly People/ Friendly Interactions...
I think it is about past experiences for me. I can be very skeptical about people who are really nice to me from the beginning. Some of the meanest people I have ever known were really nice when we first met, but then I discovered that they had bad intentions and were abusive.
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"Have you never seen something so mad, so extraordinary... That just for one second, you think that there might be more out there?" -Gwen Cooper, Torchwood
It depends on the kind of "friendliness."
I don't like patronizing people who talk to me in a "pat the little girl on the head" kind of voice. (I am small and look younger than my age).
Then there are the kind of people I encounter at the library where I work. I have had people try to touch me inappropriately and those who just wanted to talk on and on about nothing when I was working. The first is creepy, while the second is distracting.
If a stranger talks to me at a bus stop, I do feel quite happy at the thought that somebody has took the time to notice me in a positive way and start friendly small talk. Generally I fear strangers because I worry about being judged, but not when someone is being friendly.
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Female
It's always a struggle at work when I need to share my lunch break with others in a small space. They try to start all sorts of little conversations and it's always the same topics again and again. Then they expect me to stop reading and engage in that conversation and most of the time I really don't want to do it / I'm not interested.
But yes, I can see how that might be a rude thing to do, so I force myself to talk. Then I remember a few details, so next day I can ask them a few questions if they start a conversation again.
I do like these folks, I just don't like talking to them too much.
Sometimes they do come to me with problems and then I do my best to help them and find a solution and I can talk for a long time, but the general blah blah "what will you have for dinner?" "how was your weekend?" "I'm on a diet again, yes, too much cheesecake"... I just don't enjoy it at all. Being a woman doesn't help because my female work mates always chatter about these things, day in day out and want me to join in (but not our male boss, they leave him in peace).
Those people are the people who drive me up the wall. They walk right up to me, in my space and than they give me intense eye-contact and a cheerleader smile.
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Who wants to adopt a Sweet Pea?
I was walking my dog (she's a Basset Hound) on the beach the other day and a nice friendly woman who was also walking her dog started chatting to me. Normally, that wouldn't have been so bad as we both had a shared interest (dogs), but there was a 10-foot swell and large waves were crashing on the shore. I really had trouble hearing what she was saying and was just nodding but couldn't really take part in the conversation too well. I felt that I came off as rude and felt bad for the rest of the walk. Others on the beach didn't seem to have any problems having talking so it was probably just me and my noise sensitivity.
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Diagnosed: Asperger's Syndrome (ICD-10)
Self-Diagnosed: Aphantasia
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 152 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 46 of 200
Listener of all things noisy, viewer of all things bloody, writer of all things sh*t.
Biscuitman
Veteran
Joined: 11 Mar 2013
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,665
Location: Dunking jammy dodgers
I've always had this thing where if a person is nice to me or is friendly towards me, I start feeling I have to do everything possible to avoid that person... Mind you it is mostly employees that work at the shopping mall or restaurants I always go to... Or someone at my college, like the librarian or someone in my class for example. I don't know why I do it. I guess I feel like I don't know if they're being nice to me just because it's a part of their job or if they actually want anything to do with me... I think I'm like this because I've had bad experiences in the past where a person is kind to me and I start to think maybe they want to be my friend or something...which was never the case and I'd end up feeling like an idiot for believing so.
Also, sometimes I develop like a small crush on such people. I just like it when people are nice to me and so I guess I see that person differently from everyone else. But it doesn't stop me from avoiding them, it makes it worse.
I feel the same kind of fear when a person is rude to me as well but I prefer it to someone being nice because it's easier for me to get over... Really though, I just wish all people would treat me with an indifferent attitude because it would make my life a lot easier.
I know it sounds ridiculous to be afraid of "nice people"... But my reasons for posting this here is because I wanted to know if there is anyone else out there who experiences this themselves? If so, how do you deal with it or get over it?
Thanks!
This is me. there are a couple of people who know my mum in a local convenience shop and say hello to me, and the other staff then started saying hello to me as they recognising me as knowing their colleague, so now i don't shop there! way too much chance of having to interact with someone. I drive further away to shops that mean I can shop alone in peace without conversation or awkwardness.
Also same at work, those that are friendly and chatty here I avoid most, no way do I want to walk into an unexpected conversation in the work kitchen!
We have one of those kitchens. It's shared between all the different businesses in the office building and I avoid it for that very reason. I even use the toilet cubicles rather than the urinal.
_________________
Diagnosed: Asperger's Syndrome (ICD-10)
Self-Diagnosed: Aphantasia
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 152 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 46 of 200
Listener of all things noisy, viewer of all things bloody, writer of all things sh*t.
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