Depression and disappointment with people

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Andreger
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08 Apr 2015, 3:32 am

I don't know what to do. I was always concerned with the idea of making world around better.

Since my special interests are history and political science, I can effectively analyse what ar reasons of modern events in politics and business, and how it will influence the future, what problems we can face tomorrow according to what is happening now. Looking on facts around I predicted months ahead what will happen in Syria, Iraq, Libya, Ukraine and others, what will be oil price (as oil is the bllod of today's economy) and what relations will have major powers and their client states... Of course sometimes I had mistakes but it's less than 20% of major facts.

I wanted to use this talent to contribute to the society, to help people orientate in modern world, to be prepared for troubles and to let them know what can be the effective ways to deal with challenges.

But nobody needs it. My last statup was about it - researches, publishing articles, enough big team, social media, advertizing to show it to people but it failed. It was less business and more social project but anyway - no interest. People don't need it. Those in society who make decisions - they have their own sources, and it is their power that starts wars and political conflicts. And the vst majority, those 99,9% - they are in general interested only in well-known massmedia and don't seriously contribute some small and unknown, especially if what they say is not so fun and optimistic.

I'm tired of it. I had several projects with aspiration of contributing to society in last five years - and they all failed due to lack of people interest. Yes, I'm disappointed that people in general are so shallow. Of course I knew that before but I thought if they'll have such info easily accessble and in easy-to-read style they will give it at least some attention. So I decided if nobody is interested, if they sure they know everything better - ok, it's their right, who am I to help them against their will.

But here is the problem. I just have no other reasons to live. Just making money to have money is terribly boring, and I don't have other hobbies (tried to find any but wasn't interested) - I don't play games, don't socialize, don't do any sports except daily exercises, don't read fiction and so on. I like to travel but I can't call it hobby, and it doesn't help in my state anyway. Once I read about the idea of having good job with high salary to give these money for some charities but I can't deal with that - sitting 9 hours daily in the office (I'm IT Manager for now) is terrible, especially when working for commercial company that sees its only goal in making more profit.

What I really wanted - to do something meningful and useful for people, making live around better. And now when I see nobody really needs it I feel empty, disappointed and aven more depressed than last years. I feel like thee is no more reason for me to live.

I asked different crisis centers and suicide prevention hotlines like Samaritans but these are only useless talks around same topics. I have no friends to ask them this question, and parents are too narrow-minded to even understand it, all they think about is how to get money to spend them on luxuries and pleasure, they think I'm mad.



Misery
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08 Apr 2015, 5:23 am

Er... why dont you look for a DIFFERENT way of improving things? There's about 50 bazillionty things you could do to help others.

As for the projects... getting REAL attention on those is not something that's easy. Think about it: You're not exactly the only one doing things like what you explained. Just advertising and such isnt enough; I suspect you have to go *alot* further before it catches attention. Which also means you cant just give up. My guess is that you may have underestimated just what you needed to do in order to get it noticed, thus creating a perception of "failure". But you cannot fail yet if it hasnt gone far enough to get a true result. That sort of thing is *not* easy or simple to do. Not one bit. It's the sort of thing where, even if it seems to you that you've done a huge amount of stuff... you might still need way MORE stuff past that to hit the right point. If you keep going and learn even more as you go, you can perhaps eventually reach the point you're after. However, give up, and you instantly hit 0% chance of success. Which, to me, isnt exactly productive. These kinds of things can take years and years to get to the right point, and if you want to do it, you cant ever give up during that time... even though it's a loooong time.

But yes, that's really not the only thing you can do. Look around, search for something else. It doesnt have to be something bloody gigantic; simply assuming that you can START with something huge probably isnt gonna cut it. Start small... help the people near you first, those that could use immediate help, instead of trying to begin by helping EVERYONE. And learning from doing THAT sort of thing could push you towards the position of moving forwards towards your original goal, as you're likely to gain more talents along the way. It wont be easy, not one bit, but it's something you CAN do.

There's nowhere in the world where people ARENT in a situation of "not needing help", after all.



Andreger
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08 Apr 2015, 5:49 am

I did a lot of points, and not "Just advertising " in last and previous projects but full list will make post barely readable due to its size.

Misery wrote:
Er... why dont you look for a DIFFERENT way of improving things? There's about 50 bazillionty things you could do to help others.

I sought other ways to help using my skills and talents - found nothing.

Misery wrote:
help the people near you first

Friends? I have none except one girl who is the owner of pet nursery. I help her for many years but that's not enough. Parents? See above. Others? I live in fascist country with vast majority of population supports dictatorship and repressions, it's hard to find here a person who wont't consider me "traitor of the nation" if he knows I, say, ask the answer on non-Russian forum. So they don't deserve any help.

Misery wrote:
could push you towards the position of moving forwards towards your original goal

I don't see a reason to aspire to the goal which finally led me to ask such answers on forum. I did all I could, my team under my command did all they ever could. If it is fail then it's definitely not the goal I need.

So I need to find out something else, some other way to use my talents in positive way.



Bondkatten
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08 Apr 2015, 7:56 am

Maybe your depression is hindering you from seeing things clearly, maybe that should be your number one issue to try to deal with. Is there no professional help that you can get for it? Or can you not try to find likeminded people that you can make friends with?

It is very nice that you want to help people, but shouldn't you include yourself among them that you want to help? Your life has value in itself, not just because of what you can do for others. And I agree with pp that you should look around you for who you can help.

And remember that you are not responsible for other people’s action or lack thereof. It is hard when people choose to stay blind for the things that are happening around them, but there is not much you can do about it.



Andreger
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08 Apr 2015, 8:27 am

Bondkatten wrote:
Maybe your depression is hindering you from seeing things clearly, maybe that should be your number one issue to try to deal with. Is there no professional help that you can get for it? Or can you not try to find likeminded people that you can make friends with?


I was working with almost dozen of psychologists last years. It doesn't help. So I try to find another ways of dealing with my problem - for example trying to find some kind of "career" where I can use my talents and do something I believe in.

Bondkatten wrote:
It is very nice that you want to help people, but shouldn't you include yourself among them that you want to help? Your life has value in itself, not just because of what you can do for others. And I agree with pp that you should look around you for who you can help.


Right. I want to help myself in this way at the same time. That's bad that I can't feel any value of my life per se but I failed to change this attitude. And there are very hew activities that make me feel happy, involved, excited sometimes... Many times I was searching for new hobbies, I tried almost everything possible - music, art, tennis, rugby football, kayaking, chess, programming, travelling, numerous other things. I had some successes where hobbies assumed them - but all these were not too interesting, rather just a way to spend some time.

So I definitely need something related with history, other humanities and making world better. Maybe on local level, I agree - but what?

Bondkatten wrote:
And remember that you are not responsible for other people’s action or lack thereof. It is hard when people choose to stay blind for the things that are happening around them, but there is not much you can do about it.


You are right. I agree with you but this is not an answer - it only shows that last effort was useless, and there's need in something else.



Bondkatten
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08 Apr 2015, 9:55 am

You sound very hard towards yourself; I don't think that just because it wasn't a success that it equals failure. Because I don’t know exactly what you want, it is hard to advice you. The things I can think of are, getting involved with politics (if there are any groups you are comfortable with), or organizations that share your beliefs, try to write pieces for newspapers or online papers, maybe helping people with problems (refugees, young people with disabilities, old people).



Andreger
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08 Apr 2015, 10:37 am

Bondkatten wrote:
You sound very hard towards yourself; I don't think that just because it wasn't a success that it equals failure. Because I don’t know exactly what you want, it is hard to advice you. The things I can think of are, getting involved with politics (if there are any groups you are comfortable with), or organizations that share your beliefs, try to write pieces for newspapers or online papers, maybe helping people with problems (refugees, young people with disabilities, old people).


I did it in Russia, got only troubles with police - it's not allowed to criticize president's politics here, in any sphere. And if politics is really fascist it's unable to ignore it while writing about social issues.

I'm planning to move to US this year as student for political science but if even I'll suceed in moving it's unlikely I'll be able to do what I believe in - simultaneously I'll have to study at least 12 credits per semester and to find some cash job to support it.

Anyway I see now no significant groups with close position and vision. My views formed independently from any single ideology, it's the system I adopted myself thru learning societies and their advantages, political theories and their practical experience. I am called "socialist" on republican forums and "fascist" by liberals, people in general are too strict to their ideology even if they are not politicians. They don't want to see around if things can be done better for all.

And - this is also important - I'm not the one who can be social worker and help say young people directly. I'd rather may conduct research with article on what problems now have young people and how to deal with them according to theories and experience. Even despite it's not involving my knowledges of history and politics, at least it's research an writing.

But again, nobody needs it - I have dozens of rejections from online papers, often they are not interested in such topics (even if they sometimes publish it), or it's kinda sites where owner has profit through numerous ads banners and authors are still not paid. That's wrong as I think - either all should have profit, either shouldn't but not all for one.



Bondkatten
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08 Apr 2015, 10:55 am

I hope you succeed with moving, sometimes big changes are very good in life. It puts things in perspective and you learn what is really important, and you get to know people with different ideas and way of thinking, it is beneficial for personal growth. And since it sounds like you are very unhappy in your country, so I think moving is a smart decision.



Alienhybrid
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08 Apr 2015, 11:19 am

NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS LYRICS
"Bless His Ever Loving Heart"

Bless his ever loving heart
Only he knows who you are
He may seem so very far
Bless his ever loving heart

And when your feeling sad
And everywhere you look
You can't believe the things you see
When it all comes down so bad
And beauty lies exhausted in the streets

Hold his ever loving hand
Even when you do not understand
Sorrow has it's natural end
Hold his ever loving hand

And when your feeling low
And everyone you meet
You can't believe the things they say
When there's no place left to go
Where someone isn't moving
You a little further down the way

Bless his ever loving heart
What you do is what you are
When it all comes down so hard
Bless his ever loving heart
Hold his ever loving hand
When it seems you ain't got a friend

Only he knows who you are and what you are
Bless his ever loving heart
Bless his ever loving heart

--------------------------------------------------

The dark of night of the soul
when all that was once gold turns to dross
congratulations! metamorphosis....
the caterpillar is becoming a butterfly
no good deed goes unpunished



Andreger
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08 Apr 2015, 1:19 pm

Thank you, guys.

Although I still doubt it will become better over time, your support means a lot.

I'll try to find some more ideas of coping with reality.