How to protect yourself when someone tries to sabotage you

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Hi, I'm asking for any advice on this because I'm getting desperate. This has been a recurring pattern for several years, and I've been to therapy because of it. It's a long story, but I basically grew up in a family with a lot of alcoholism and abuse, both physical and verbal. One thing I learned that explained my parents' behavior was this article- http://www.wikihow.com/Cope-With-a-Controlling-Parent especially the bottom part where it talks about how a parent who is an addict or a codependent abuser will play head games and make demands that are not rational-like saying they want you to do well in school but always interrupting you when you try to study by making demands for personal errands, housecleaning, or family time. I have experienced this myself over and over.

I know I am capable of doing well academically- I went to a college with a very good reputation and graduated magna cum laude, and I got almost all 90's during the first half of medical school. The times in my life when I did well academically were when I was away from from my whole family. My life, my emotional well-being, and my grades all go into the toilet when my family steps back into my life and tries to take over. Both my parents and some of my other relatives have done things like this to me. I have been interrupted at 9:00 PM at night because someone wanted me to run downstairs and fetch them a glass of water and didn't feel like getting up himself to do it. I've been forced to put down my textbooks to go with a parent to the drugstore to buy foot cream(parent just spontaneously decided they HAD to do it right that second and force me to go with them) and then I had to stand there at the counter while the parent in question ran up and down the aisles looking for more things to buy. I've had one of them yell at me about how they expect me to come home from school or work early in order to cook dinner for them or clean the house from top to bottom, especially when the other parent lies around getting drunk and passing out and refuses to do anything. When I have a test the next day, I've been forced to spend the entire day before the exam going to the Home Depot and buying garage door openers and adjust them to synchronize with our garage, type their emails for them, type their credit card numbers into an online identity theft protection website because they decided I needed to do it for them since I type faster than they do(they are both capable of typing, I've seen them do it), or just been forced to sit on the couch and listen to them vent for hours about how horrible I am, how horrible the other parent is, and how I remind them of their spouse who makes them angry.

I learned all about scapegoating in dysfunctional, abusive, alcoholic families, and the therapists and psychiatrists I went to definitely agreed that this is the case with my family. When my sister tells them she needs to study, they'll say "Oh, it's okay honey, we'll make time for you." When I tell them I need to study, they scream at me about how they want me to go with them to the mall to help them pick out a new pair of shoes. I've had multiple exam failures because no one would leave me alone and let me study the way I needed to, and the entire family kept demanding my time and attention for things that I really don't think were necessary. Then, when I fail, they laugh and say things like "Oh, you were never good at taking tests. You have test-taking anxiety, but I don't care as long as you keep things organized for me!" It makes me hate them even more when they say that, because that is NOT true. I did not have problems studying or taking exams during the parts of my life when I was far away from my family.

The problem is that I am not completely financially independent yet, and even though I live in an apartment of my own, I am only an hour's drive away from my family. They can, and have, driven over unannounced and pounded on my door, screaming at me because I didn't call them often enough or spend enough time with them. Then they scream more about how my apartment isn't clean enough, and try to make me run around doing little errands, the way they did before. When I tell them I need to study, they just scream at me even more. The thing is, my parents have finally divorced, and my dad admits that a big part of the way he treats me is due to the fact that I remind him of my mom, which is how I got pushed into the scapegoat role when I was young. When my mom is out of our lives, it's like a switch is flipped and his personality completely changes, becoming calmer and less controlling. However, whenever my mom comes back to town and starts causing drama again, he starts treating me the way he did before. My mom is completely unstable, and there is no reasoning with her. She is the alcoholic in the family and the cornerstone of all the dysfunction. She has called me and paged me repeatedly when I am at work. When I was living with them, she would try to stop me from getting to work or school on time by physically blocking the doorway and complaining that I hadn't sorted the laundry yet, or hadn't talked to her often enough all week.

Even though my parents are divorced now, and things get better when I am away from them, the same old harmful patterns keep recurring every time my mom comes back to town and does or says something to set off my dad. I am angry and miserable because I used to be a good student, and I took pride in that. I feel like that's been taken away from me. How do I protect myself when I am not completely financially independent yet, and won't be for at least another 2-3 years, given my current situation?

Sounds like your family is a pool of toxic people you need to cut ties with when you get the chance. You cannot change them, if they wish to act that way don't give into them. In the meantime endure until you can get away for good. It is not ok for you to risk your joy or mental health for a group of narcissistic people even if they are family. I would try to find some friends that will support you as well through this.