How do you deal with people trying to interact with your kid

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Prairie_Fairie
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30 Apr 2015, 5:58 pm

Our 3-year-old is verbal, but doesn't like strangers, or new environments, so when people come up to her to introduce themselves or speak, she goes shy (but she's not shy, it's anxiety) and sometimes covers her eyes with her hands. Worse case scenario, she starts screaming and tries to get away. But in the event it's just the covering of eyes, we say 'she's really shy'. If we get the chance, we say she doesn't like strangers. People generally respect that. The worse thing someone can do is say hi to her and smile. She's blissful being ignored by those she doesn't know, but craves attention by those she knows well.

What I don't get is why people have to start interacting with your child without the 'go-ahead' from the parents or caregivers first.



Aspie1
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30 Apr 2015, 7:47 pm

Prairie_Fairie wrote:
What I don't get is why people have to start interacting with your child without the 'go-ahead' from the parents or caregivers first.

Culture! It the US, parents are usually the gatekeepers for all adult/child interactions, save for very innocuous ones like a hello. As a result, strange adults will be reluctant to engage in conversation with, let alone touch, another person's child. Men especially so, due to the societal paranoia about those people. In a number of other cultures, the "it takes a village to raise a child" concept is taken much farther than in the US, and most adults see it as acceptable to greet, talk to, touch, or even hug a stranger's child.

Perhaps in your case, your daughter's aspie behaviors triggered the cuteness reflex in the adult interacting with her. In my case as an aspie child, the people who tried to interact with me the most were women over 45. (Interestingly, the same was true on the cruise I took at age 29. ;)) What's the usual demographic of people who try to interact with your daughter without your go-ahead?



ASDMommyASDKid
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03 May 2015, 7:22 am

Aspie1 wrote:
ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Not unusually, we recently we were at a big box store---and my son was looking at appliances. It is one of his things. One of the sales guys asks me if I need help. (That part is perfectly normal and expected) I tell the guy that my son is not intending to buy, today. That is my usual line to let sales staff know we are not serious buyers when my son is looking at appliances, electronics or cell phones. The guy tries to engage my son in friendly conversation---natch. My son just gets annoyed at being interrupted because he wants to go, in order, investigating each one. You can tell the guy is about to say something critical because of course.

This post brings back memories. I was one of those kids that liked to browse the paints in Home Depot. I guess I was drawn to all the colors. The salespeople used to do the same thing to me, only I was 10 or so. Since I was extremely shy, their actions, no matter how friendly, almost always made me freeze up in fear.

My parents weren't too sympathetic, and often scolded me for my shyness. Me and them were eventually able to reach a compromise, where I'd muster "I"m good; I'm just looking" to the salespeople trying to engage me in conversation. Of course, being a shy aspie, whenever I got a salesperson talked to me, I sounded more scared than a suburbanite on an inner city street at 3:00 AM. So much for compromise.

But I think I'd have an easier time as a kid today in 2015. Not because of better awareness, but due to a simple fact that customer service has gone down the toilet, and you have to track down a salesperson to get any help.


Oh, he loves those paint color cards, too. He will also look at all the different colors, and will take some and look at them on the ride home. Usually they are free, so that is fine by us.



InThisTogether
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03 May 2015, 7:32 am

ASDMommyASDKid wrote:
Oh, he loves those paint color cards, too. He will also look at all the different colors, and will take some and look at them on the ride home. Usually they are free, so that is fine by us.


I love those little paint cards! I have a lot of them! ;)


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Rabbers
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03 May 2015, 7:38 am

I have had similar. My son doesn't display a lot of visible traits a lot of the time and is verbal and will chat away to people he knows but he sometimes doesn't know how to respond to greetings and is wary of strangers. If people are friendly I'm generally glad that they don't just ignore him - I always chatted away to him even when he wasn't verbal. I've never had anyone actually come out and say they think he's rude or try to push interactions though.
The worst thing is people who just think they can pick him up or ruffle his hair (until recently he had a big mop of curls). Then when he pulls a face or cries they'll say something like 'oh he doesn't like people messing up his hair does he?' and I just think 'would you like it?' but tend to just nod and smile and move away and explain to my son that people do that sometimes and they don't mean to upset him. He's 5 so not a baby. I would never go and lay my hands on a 5 year old I didn't know or pick them up - unless they were about to run into the road or something.



helles
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21 May 2015, 12:17 pm

I would not talk to anybody (except my mom and grandmoter at that age) it only changed a little bit when I came to school. But I was not non-verbal I just chose not to speak (for quite long periods - guess I could not see the point of it).

As far as I remember my reasons for not speaking:
Early years (2½-maybe 3½-4). I did't really consider "other people" to be real humans (?) that needed answering. I totally understood everything but did not see any reason whatsoever to answer. It is a bit difficult to explain but these other people were not part of my world, they were just walking around talking, maybe a bit like robots. I would walk straight to any dog and talk with it, but not humans. Dogs were more easy to relate to than those strange creatures. I hated when they touched me and broke down crying if they tried to tickle me. I did not like other children except my cousins.

4-6 years. A bit of the same but slowly changing. I had a very very intense feeling of not wanting to talk to anybody not well known to me. I might not have been non-verbal (talking incessantly with a few select people close to me) but still not see any reason to interact with people. I also was very shy (or that is what people told me (?)).

School years: Still did not talk a lot. Did not like the other children much, I was afraid of them most of the time and I did not understand their world. Wold only talk a very little bit to my own classmates not to the ones from the other classes.

High school: New environment and new inpulses. I had learned to cope better and started speaking with other people. Still did not like other girls, did not understand their strange world. Made a few best friends among the other odd people from school.

University: Nice! lots of weird people :P

Now: Still do not see the reason to talk to a lot of boring people. I have learned to talk about the weather and such and is pretty good at it. But I do not seem to master the subjects in between "the weather" ---- "deep conversation" :-)

By the way - I can pass for quite normal now and no people would ever suspect asperger. I have mastered the art of playing the act - thereby tiring myself totally :?



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21 May 2015, 1:13 pm

...Well , I'm sorry .