Replies selectively on okcupid

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Cartier
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08 May 2015, 7:14 pm

sly279 wrote:
SilverStar wrote:
Agemaki wrote:
When I was on OkCupid I met my share of interesting fellows. There are the ones that have to be blocked because they won't take "no" for an answer, the ones that try to manipulate you into liking them by telling you that all other guys play mind games to get sex, the guys who use weird pick up lines instead of actual conversation and the ones who just send out generic "hey sexy" messages. I tended to exchange messages with those had something of substance to say (there were quite a few) but there were just too many of the above sort to reply to all. Since many would keep messaging even if I said I wasn't interested (I therefore had to block them) replying in the first place seemed like it only encouraged them. I met my husband on OKCupid (I messaged him) and he did not experience any of this. I imagine gender has something to do with it.



Ok, I will just answer your reply, because yours is the only one I can read. :D

I believe the male to female ratio is a little lopsided on those sites, which gives females a larger selection to pick from than males, which means that there will be more males that get rejected. With more rejection comes more frustration, and more desperation, which is why women get all of these "annoying" messages.

To level out the playing field, and to reduce the superficial tendancies of those sites, they need to have a 50/50 male to female ratio, only allow the females to message the guys first, and not allow photo sharing, until you get to know each other first.

idk that that would help. it still lets women window shop, making men a object to shop for rather than a mate.
perhaps if women and men from the site started hooking upt and their profiles were removed it might work, but if not the other women would reject men for the guy who already got hooked up not knowing he did.


Physical appearance matters. It just does. I would not be willing to join any dating site that did not let me see photos from the get go.



Agemaki
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08 May 2015, 9:42 pm

Quote:
idk that that would help. it still lets women window shop, making men a object to shop for rather than a mate.
perhaps if women and men from the site started hooking upt and their profiles were removed it might work, but if not the other women would reject men for the guy who already got hooked up not knowing he did.


Until you get to know them as a person and become invested, I would venture that all dating is window shopping. It's just the harsh reality. Though it is also healthy to not let yourself become attached too quickly (this is a problem I have had) because it can make the other person feel uncomfortable and pressured. Doesn't usually bode well for the future of the relationship.



SabbraCadabra
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09 May 2015, 12:23 am

Hoggy wrote:
If someone is orange so showing as "replies selectively" Then they reply to 10-35% of their FIRST messages they receive from someone.


So if a guy sends her two messages before she can reply to him, then it doesn't count?


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sly279
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09 May 2015, 3:12 am

Cartier wrote:
sly279 wrote:
idk that that would help. it still lets women window shop, making men a object to shop for rather than a mate.
perhaps if women and men from the site started hooking upt and their profiles were removed it might work, but if not the other women would reject men for the guy who already got hooked up not knowing he did.


Physical appearance matters. It just does. I would not be willing to join any dating site that did not let me see photos from the get go.


my post wasn't about pictures or no pictures rather the idea of somehow making the gender numbers balanced/equal would fix the current problem.



sly279
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09 May 2015, 3:17 am

Agemaki wrote:
Quote:
idk that that would help. it still lets women window shop, making men a object to shop for rather than a mate.
perhaps if women and men from the site started hooking upt and their profiles were removed it might work, but if not the other women would reject men for the guy who already got hooked up not knowing he did.


Until you get to know them as a person and become invested, I would venture that all dating is window shopping. It's just the harsh reality. Though it is also healthy to not let yourself become attached too quickly (this is a problem I have had) because it can make the other person feel uncomfortable and pressured. Doesn't usually bode well for the future of the relationship.


not for me. when I did use them actively I would focus on a few women at a time. and try to learn more about them/share about me. each profile is a person not an object so its not like going to best buy and looking at everything. looking at the xbox and buying the ps4 won't upset the xbox. however messaging a guy for weeks then moving on to the next eye candy guy will upset the first guy.

through window shopping would imply women never date guys from dating sites. while most do eventually. they just plow through hundreds of guys hearts first.

cause people prefer relationships where the other person isn't attached?
yes I'm trying to not get attached or at least portray to them I don't give a ___ about them. at least if I ever get messaged again or date that's what I'll do.



Agemaki
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09 May 2015, 6:31 am

sly279 wrote:
Agemaki wrote:
Quote:
idk that that would help. it still lets women window shop, making men a object to shop for rather than a mate.
perhaps if women and men from the site started hooking upt and their profiles were removed it might work, but if not the other women would reject men for the guy who already got hooked up not knowing he did.


Until you get to know them as a person and become invested, I would venture that all dating is window shopping. It's just the harsh reality. Though it is also healthy to not let yourself become attached too quickly (this is a problem I have had) because it can make the other person feel uncomfortable and pressured. Doesn't usually bode well for the future of the relationship.


not for me. when I did use them actively I would focus on a few women at a time. and try to learn more about them/share about me. each profile is a person not an object so its not like going to best buy and looking at everything. looking at the xbox and buying the ps4 won't upset the xbox. however messaging a guy for weeks then moving on to the next eye candy guy will upset the first guy.

through window shopping would imply women never date guys from dating sites. while most do eventually. they just plow through hundreds of guys hearts first.

cause people prefer relationships where the other person isn't attached?
yes I'm trying to not get attached or at least portray to them I don't give a ___ about them. at least if I ever get messaged again or date that's what I'll do.


It wasn't for me either. After being rejected by what seemed like an endless number of guys and having my heart broken again and again I eventually came to terms with the fact that love means pain. It sounds melodramatic but I think it is true. When you open yourself up to someone you allow them them to hurt you very deeply. I decided that I didn't want to change, even though I got my heart broken a lot I valued my sincerity and I didn't want to be someone who played games. I figured that when I met someone who liked me and could who accept my love I wouldn't want to torture him by playing games and letting him worry about whether I liked him or not. I eventually did meet someone so I suppose it worked out for me. But I don't know if it is responsible to advise others to date the way I did, with a selfless disregard for getting hurt.