A Question About My Routine and Relationships

Post Reply New Topic

I am currently interested in someone. In all aspects of reality, she is an amazing and special person. My partner is well balanced, she hands me things and allows me to see things about my own personality than I didn't see before. She has gotten me the assistance I needed and has asked a lot of important questions for me, in my life. I really do find that I enjoy her time, and I enjoy her. She'll never know how much I appreciate and love her for the things she has done, just because in general I am not a very expressive person and I don't know how to share this appreciation or this I really try to care, but I find myself either not trying enough or trying too much.

Beside that, I realize that I am going to be again the wedge that destroys my relationship with someone who I truly care about. We're partners, but I am not being a very good partner. The irony of the situation is I am a very thoughtful person, I think. But I habit of reacting, then thinking. Instead of thinking all the way, this is a behavior that I have recognized, and I am trying to fix to the best of my ability.

However, the one thing that I cannot seem to for the life of me is break my routine or stop myself from enforcing such strict routine. I have OCDP as well. So I am a creature of habit. I am very time orientated, everything I do in my life is based on a strict code of time management and even my hobbies and tasked are managed. How do I break from this rigid way of obsessing and time thinking in order to give us the freedom I know we deserve and need?

Anything that changes my schedule or my plans sends me off. And I don't want to do that to her. Anything that doesn't have a specific time window, also tends to set me off. And I also don't want to do that to her. How do we get over this? How do I get over this?

How do I make my rigid, obsessive, routine focused brain more flexible and more open to changes in the routine and schedule. Because I know it's what we need in order to allow this relationship to open up and for her to see me as less, well.....routine and schedule crazy. But I mean even I annoy myself by chaining myself to such strict routine everyday, but if I don't do it. It fills me with dread and anxiety. I cannot handle not having a schedule. But I know this isn't healthy for either of us.

What can I do to make this relationship work? I am not trying to force it to work, because it does work. I just need more stuff to help me work out my issues that have always been a problem in every relationship I ever had.

That's a tough one. Try stretching your scheduling boundaries a bit at a time.

Just watch out for the unexpected changes. Let's just say I'm glad people are understanding.

I try. I am just.......so ....even before her I was super annoying with myself

A high stress level is going to make change just about impossible. Has your partner asked for more spontaneity? Is medication an option?

I wish I had better answers, but routines just are such a large part of autism.

Make sure you know about meetings with at least a day advance and prepare mentally that on that specific day you are going to met with her. It's OK to talk about it beforehand and set a specific time. It's what you call a date.

Treat it as a responsibility - you probably are able to change your routine on heavy exam or important work days so do the same for her. Because she is just as important as exams and job for you, if not more.

Let her become a part of your routine. Is there something she could join you?

Don't met just to met. Met to: watch a movie, go to a park, see some interesting building, make her show you what she likes etc. Specific goal will make you more motivated to put into your busy schedule. Meetings just to met and figure out what to do may not feel like it's worth changing your schedule because they are just too uncertain.

Well my love affection is entirely different than hers. She's touchy feely. My love language is spending time together and it has to be quality time.

Beside that I am surprised no one knows how to balance routine structure and relationships on this site.

Your question is about yourself though, really. It seems that you have decided you must alter your strict routine, so any help will be in how to not have a routine. I have no help there.

here everything depends on you in my opinion, look for positive everywhere