The Care and Feeding of Relationships?

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BTDT
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02 May 2015, 9:20 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
I wonder why do people continue dating, having relationships in their 30's, 40's, and beyond? When so much of culture defines dating and relationships is something that young people do, like teens and 20's


A relationship isn't a bucket list item that you do and cross off your list.

It takes constant time and effort, like growing a flower garden, as opposed to buying a Fine Art Painting. You don't just plant it and enjoy flowers for years and years. You need to constantly take care of it, or it will die.

There are movies about older relationships like"Hope Springs"

Most women expect to be constantly reminded that you love her. If you can't do that, perhaps you aren't ready for a relationship.



314pe
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02 May 2015, 10:40 am

How would you know you're ready if you've never been in a relationship?



VegetableMan
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02 May 2015, 10:48 am

Very profound words -- and true of just about every aspect of life. You have to constantly attend and nurture your passions or they will whither and die.


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VegetableMan
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02 May 2015, 10:59 am

You know you're ready when you suddenly realize you can live without a relationship.


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314pe
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02 May 2015, 11:39 am

VegetableMan wrote:
You know you're ready when you suddenly realize you can live without a relationship.

That's interesting. Why would you want a relationship if you are happy without it? Did you mean that when you become ready for a relationship it is already too late?



VegetableMan
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02 May 2015, 11:56 am

What I really mean -- and I've said this many times before -- is you have to be whole, first, and not so needy. Then when he perfect person comes along, they will compliment your life, rather than become the center of it.


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alex
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02 May 2015, 12:03 pm

314pe wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
You know you're ready when you suddenly realize you can live without a relationship.

That's interesting. Why would you want a relationship if you are happy without it? Did you mean that when you become ready for a relationship it is already too late?

If you need a relationship to be happy, that's a problem. You should be happy before you get into a relationship.


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sly279
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02 May 2015, 2:25 pm

BTDT wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
I wonder why do people continue dating, having relationships in their 30's, 40's, and beyond? When so much of culture defines dating and relationships is something that young people do, like teens and 20's


A relationship isn't a bucket list item that you do and cross off your list.

It takes constant time and effort, like growing a flower garden, as opposed to buying a Fine Art Painting. You don't just plant it and enjoy flowers for years and years. You need to constantly take care of it, or it will die.

There are movies about older relationships like"Hope Springs"

Most women expect to be constantly reminded that you love her. If you can't do that, perhaps you aren't ready for a relationship.


though they don't want to be reminded too constantly either.

314pe wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
You know you're ready when you suddenly realize you can live without a relationship.

That's interesting. Why would you want a relationship if you are happy without it? Did you mean that when you become ready for a relationship it is already too late?


thats how I see it. people only do relationships ause they need one in one way or another. those who are happy alone don't get in relationships.

alex wrote:
314pe wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
You know you're ready when you suddenly realize you can live without a relationship.

That's interesting. Why would you want a relationship if you are happy without it? Did you mean that when you become ready for a relationship it is already too late?

If you need a relationship to be happy, that's a problem. You should be happy before you get into a relationship.


I'll tell that to all the billions of people happy in a relationship that were sad before. people can be sad cause they are missing a par to their life. if you only have 3/4 of your life, you can't be 100% happy. I don't tink people in relationships can understand this cause they have a spouse that makes them happy.



Non_Passerine
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02 May 2015, 2:58 pm

You have to be in the right place at the right time to get a relationship.



rdos
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02 May 2015, 5:02 pm

BTDT wrote:
It takes constant time and effort, like growing a flower garden, as opposed to buying a Fine Art Painting. You don't just plant it and enjoy flowers for years and years. You need to constantly take care of it, or it will die.


I don't think so. A good relationship will thrive on it's own. What you are referring to are gambling-relationships with NT girls that constantly need affirmation, attention and novelity.

In terms of gardens, a gambling relationship is like a small pond that constantly needs attention, while a healthy relationship is like a lake that manages all by itself.

BTDT wrote:
Most women expect to be constantly reminded that you love her. If you can't do that, perhaps you aren't ready for a relationship.


Nope. I'm married to one that doesn't. For us, talk is cheap, and what you do is what counts. No games here.



darkphantomx1
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02 May 2015, 6:44 pm

VegetableMan wrote:
you have to be whole, first, and not so needy. Then when he perfect person comes along, they will compliment your life, rather than become the center of it.


Damn, those words were deep. I should find a girl who compliments my life, not be the center of it. Alright...



rdos
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03 May 2015, 4:06 am

darkphantomx1 wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
you have to be whole, first, and not so needy. Then when he perfect person comes along, they will compliment your life, rather than become the center of it.


Damn, those words were deep. I should find a girl who compliments my life, not be the center of it. Alright...


Only if I get to be obsessed with her for a year or two first. :mrgreen:



VegetableMan
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03 May 2015, 12:16 pm

Hey, I will not share my wisdom if I'm to be subjected to responses dripping in sarcasm!


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KindleHeart
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03 Jun 2015, 8:46 pm

Humans are social animals. We need human interactions, specifically in the form of a relationship to survive and thrive. At the same time we need time to tend to our own well being. Being happy alone doesn't mean you don't want a relationship. It means you are happy on your own, regardless of whether you are in or want a relationship. Relationships are an investment that requires work. It is true some people are needy, which is a reflection of their insecurities. However, no relationship will work if you aren't happy and don't love yourself.

Dating today is focused on meeting people, not building relationships. It's about impressing the other, not liking you for who you are. Put simply, it's about "getting booty." Dating is not what is was in the past such as small tokens of love, clear communication, and good manners.

If you want to be in a relationship, work on yourself first. Go at your own pace, take breaks. I'm 25 years old and haven't dated, had sex, or kissed a guy. I am perfectly happy that way with plans to be in a relationship one day.


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Outrider
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04 Jun 2015, 3:10 am

But what about when you do feel satisfied and happy with yourself and your life (or are at least trying and making an effort to have a good life, a work in progress) and you become attracted to someone else?

Most people don't like to ignore their feelings for another person and want to hopefully pursue, date and impress this person enough to develop a relationship with them.

If you spend no time or focus on getting into a relationship but only other areas of your life, you might not get one. You can't stop trying altogether and get one, can you?

I understand working on your own life and being happy with yourself and being happy without a relationship. I understand feeling you don't need a relationship, but certainly most people still want one? And whether that be through meeting and dating many people over the years until you find the right person or simply having a crush on one specific person and pursuing them and only them, isn't this all natural, normal and healthy feelings and emotions we shouldn't just banish from our lives?