The Care and Feeding of Relationships?

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Outrider
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04 Jun 2015, 3:19 am

sly279 wrote:

I'll tell that to all the billions of people happy in a relationship that were sad before. people can be sad cause they are missing a par to their life. if you only have 3/4 of your life, you can't be 100% happy. I don't tink people in relationships can understand this cause they have a spouse that makes them happy.


Exactly. This is what I mean.

A relationship isn't just some thing that 'adds' onto your 'already happy' life.

Sometimes it can be one of the many things in your life that makes you 100% happy. Even if your relationship is only 10% of your life (family = 10%, friends = 10%, health = 10%, hobbies = 10%, etc.) than why can't a relationship be a part of this?

I've noticed most people who tell you a relationship will not make your life better are either in one or have already experienced one.

People who've never had one rarely believe "I am 100% happy knowing I've never had one and would be just as happy if I died alone".



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04 Jun 2015, 4:50 pm

alex wrote:
314pe wrote:
VegetableMan wrote:
You know you're ready when you suddenly realize you can live without a relationship.

That's interesting. Why would you want a relationship if you are happy without it? Did you mean that when you become ready for a relationship it is already too late?

If you need a relationship to be happy, that's a problem. You should be happy before you get into a relationship.
It's not always like that thou. I needed one & me & my girlfriend have been living together a couple years now & things are going pretty good between us.


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04 Jun 2015, 8:17 pm

I've always been friends with males who are content with being single - I don't understand how they feel this way and always feel envious/jealous but at the same time I feel happy with myself that I am not them.

The truth is sometimes being happy with single can lead you down a good or a bad path.

Sure, you might be happy being single, you might focus on your own life, get a good job, hobbies/interests, study at a school/college, etc.

OR, you might end up gaining weight, getting more and more unattractive, not getting a job, etc. because you DON'T CARE.

Most of my male friends have been led down this bad path by not being interested in the opposite sex.

My best friend only has online friendships, only some real life. He has gained weight over the years and unfortunately he will probably only get worse considering he has a crush on a girl he met online who lives near him and is okay with overeight pepople. He has no desire to get a job except for spend time on his hobbies which yes can make him money as he wants to eb a writer and an artist but in the meantime he has said he just wants to spend time sitting around at thome working on his art instead of going out into the world meeting people.

I on the other hand have lost weight, gained muscle, have good social skills, better at meeting people and making friends, went on three dates with a girl while he cannot talk to girls at all except for online,.

I want to actually attend college and study so I can meet more people and get qualifications so I can pursue my interests in life.

I'm sorry but while I do care for my friend and support his life choices just as much as ghe supports mine, I am qworried and concerned for him.



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05 Jun 2015, 3:08 am

It has happened to other friends as well.

WHile I do feel jealous/envious of friends who are okay with being single at the same time I realize they are so content with their lives that they rarely if ever aim for self-improvement.,

And this is a trap I do not want to fall into...



KindleHeart
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09 Jun 2015, 9:02 pm

Outrider
By 'first' I meant placing priority on yourself. Pay attention to your feelings. Focus on your non-relationship self as in your interests, hobbies, emotional wellbeing, etc. Work on your relationships but they should be secondary. If you become attracted to someone, pursue them if you are ready. If you are not, don't force yourself. You could possibly strike up a friendship.

It's about finding a balance between what's best for you as an individual and as a partner in a relationship.


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11 Jun 2015, 3:11 am

KindleHeart wrote:
Outrider
By 'first' I meant placing priority on yourself. Pay attention to your feelings. Focus on your non-relationship self as in your interests, hobbies, emotional wellbeing, etc. Work on your relationships but they should be secondary. If you become attracted to someone, pursue them if you are ready. If you are not, don't force yourself. You could possibly strike up a friendship.

It's about finding a balance between what's best for you as an individual and as a partner in a relationship.


I agree, but more often than not the only advice I (and many others) ever receive is to simply stop focusing at all on a relationship.

I'm mostly satisfied with my life, except right now I am personally seeking friendships and a relationship simultaneously.

Maybe it really is just my age (which is what I have gotten a lot of the time. "You're too young. Focus on school" etc.)



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11 Jun 2015, 5:08 am

314pe wrote:
How would you know you're ready if you've never been in a relationship?

totally agree with you ! in my mind it is more romantic for older people dating .............
because they know more and cherish more.....