Letting friend know when others aren't interested
Hi:
I have a friend who also has Asperger's syndrome and he loves meeting people and making friends. He also enjoys throwing parties at this home and will invite lots of people that he enjoys. Among these invites include a few people who always turn his evites down or say they will come and always back out last minute with an excuse. I know this because I had tried inviting some of these same people before and had the same thing happen.
What is the best way to inform my friend that these friends might not be so interested?
Sweetleaf
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Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
I have a friend who also has Asperger's syndrome and he loves meeting people and making friends. He also enjoys throwing parties at this home and will invite lots of people that he enjoys. Among these invites include a few people who always turn his evites down or say they will come and always back out last minute with an excuse. I know this because I had tried inviting some of these same people before and had the same thing happen.
What is the best way to inform my friend that these friends might not be so interested?
Well do you think they are entirely clueless to that....they could be quite aware and find it a little disappointing, but not want to talk about it. I mean if I kept inviting people over and they always turned it down or came up with an excuse I'd eventually come to the conclusion they aren't very interested...so perhaps its just not something that needs pointing out. I mean if I started suspecting that and someone said 'you know they aren't interested right' I'd sarcastically think/say 'well thanks a lot captain obvious'. because its annoying when people point out things like that.
I guess if they really cannot even fathom the idea it might be something you should explain, but chances are they aren't that thick.
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We won't go back.
Sweetleaf
Veteran
Joined: 6 Jan 2011
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 34,470
Location: Somewhere in Colorado
Well what wrong decision are they making? it doesn't hurt to send invites....even if people turn it down. Though I guess if he is spending a lot of energy on specifically the people who don't make an effort perhaps encouraging him to spend more time on the people that do actually reciprocate. But yeah maybe just point out 'hey that person always seems to flake out' or something and see how they react to that....if they sort of agree then maybe that would be a good oppurtunity to explain it would make more sense to spend time on the people that do respond to invites and actually spend time with him rather than wasting time on all those people who flake out. But you have to approach it in a way you don't come off as meaning 'no one wants to hang out with you' which it could be taken as if the timings off.
_________________
We won't go back.
I've had that happen a lot when Ive envited People To events. It really hurt and upset me.
_________________
James Hackett
aspie quiz results; http://www.rdos.net/eng/poly12c.php?p1= ... =80&p12=28
I have one more question.
One of these who happens to be a part of that group and also has Asperger's Syndrome. This person always says that we need to get together but never has time. Everything and everyone else is always more important. Plus I feel he hasn't been very nice to my friends and I who all have AS or HFA.
How would should I tell my friend without trying to badmouth the other person or make him feel bad?
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