I don't know where else to go right now. Panic attacks

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Hello. I'm an adult young woman who was diagnosed with AS since I was a toddler (3 years old). For the most part I function well with my peers and am on good terms with almost everyone. This comes off more as ranty, so I really apologize. I thought the people of this forum might be able to relate, at least.


I have had anxiety since I was about 8-9 years old. Always wanting to do the best I could in anything I did, even the goal being to excel. And if I can't do it right in x amount of time, I talk myself down. I make myself feel bad, because in my head I should be excelling and thriving, since i'm putting in a lot of time and effort. And this especially applies to me trying to get a part time job.

I have been searching for once since January of this year (which I know isn't a long time, but it really feels like it.) and I live in a small town with not many businesses. I wanted something more consistent other than babysitting, so I applied for jobs out of my town and into the town I will be attending college. My resume and cover letters are really well written, and at least 75% of the time I get call backs. Just I must be doing something that is making me not get the job. I used to trip on my words and that has been improved on. Perhaps I either look too stiff, nervous or desperate. Maybe all three, as that is what my mother observed at least. I realized I always got like this because I wanted to prove how committed and devoted I am compared to the stereotype of other peers my age. But clearly it does more harm than good.

And yesterday, I finally cracked. I told my mother that I am having trouble getting employed and I went into a panic attack. I could barely speak, I could feel my heart racing, could barely breathe and between fits of crying I was unintelligible. She tried to comfort me but all I did was hurt her feelings by hurting myself. She said she can't deal with me and my negativity. Those words were right, and at the time my thoughts were racing so much that I couldn't even say anything else to her. All I wanted to do was to prove to my parents that I am useful around the house, not "lazy" and have a job like most of the people my age do. All I wanted was to be useful.

Right now I am looking up places where I can get some help. Just I can't afford them right now. Will still be looking in the meantime. Is there any sites that are actually really useful when dealing with panic attacks and give good advice to job seekers? I am taking a break for now until next month and will resume my job search. In the meantime I will practice on not how to look so nervous and stiff.

You might find this resource helpful: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/a ... ndex.shtml.

Perhaps you could see a doc like a GP & get an anxiety medication prescribed. Some like Klonopin & Xanax can be taken as needed like before an interview. I take Buspar for my anxiety & it helps with that & my panic attacks alot but I have to take it 2wice a day.

I'm no MD, but I agree, get something like Xanax or Ativan. Yes they are addictive and you have to be careful of how much you take. Good news is that since a lot of spectrum people are sensitive to medication, you might be able to take 1/2 the recommended dose. And "addictive" means that if you take, say, 2 a day every day you'll need to keep taking that or it'll make it, say, hard to get to sleep for a few days. You probably wouldn't ever take that much anyway. You'd be more likely to start with 1 every other day (when you have a panic attack) and then take 1/2 once a week.

It's scary dealing with a person having a panic attack. You look like you're dying when you're like that, and the other person doesn't know how to help you. It's kind of overwhelming. Your mom may not know what to say to help you.

Sometimes when you try real hard to "pass" and do everything right, it's just too much. it sounds to me like you're doing a great job and you just need to cut yourself a little slack.