Rants

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Home alone with my dad for a couple of days and just tried to open a dialogue about my desire to move out, something I have such a hard time talking to him about - unfortunately it went worse than my misplaced optimism would have desired. He was getting kind of angry about it, yelling at me then backing down some, then yelling again. Thinks I'm rushing into things, "why do you have to do it now?!" Telling me to wait until my 1-year probation at my job is up. I'm in an emotional place where I'm not going to cry about this right now but it's pushing me there.

I have always wanted to live alone. The job, while it starts from home, and isn't *too* far from where we live, is far enough that I would be doing myself a favor to move closer. I've been working hard on picking places out and figuring out a budget - *because* this is something I've wanted for so long.

The biggest thing for me is, I have this huge issue with myself that 'the timing will never be right.' Which is something my dad was really hitting home on tonight - "it's not the right time...wait until the right time" but when will that be?!

I constantly find myself in situations at home where I think to myself, this is it this is the final straw. This is why I can't hesitate to make that scary leap and move out, even if it will mean being very financially conscientious. I'm upset because it feels like my hopefulness was just tossed in the bin, and that I've created an argument with my dad when I'm here with him by myself. It doesn't help that I like to spend most of my time alone and that makes him mopey. I had to slip out of the kitchen when the conversation stopped dead and he was fixated on cleaning dishes, which annoys me when I'm trying to talk to him. And he *complains* that I never want to talk with him. UGGGGHH

Just out of a confrontation with a Covidiot Karen lady who got absolutely offended because I asked her son to keep to the social distancing rules in our local rope park.
I wish I was as witty in speech as I am in writing... I should have just wispered to her - oh, I know the chances that my child is spreading something are minimal but...
Unfortunately, I think slower in social situations so I'm left with bad taste.

I don't know either of them.
I don't care about them. All me out of ignorance all you want.

And it's giving too many people a lot of headache.

My advice? Survive. Keep your sanity as harmless possible. Cope if you must.

Just be aware, watch yourselves over should any of you guys start going war-freak over another, simply because one chose another.

You're all aware enough you're doomed either ways. No need to pull someone else's hair any further.

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I hate anything that makes me feel like I was the problem.

I actually had more social grace than them.

I did my work.

I didn't call customers ethnic slurs.

I didn't whisper about customers under my breath like they did, whispering about things like ethnicity.

I didn't make personal comments to them.

I didn't tell them that their parents being in hospital wasted NHS resources.

I didn't cut them off the conversation. If they had said 'fart' in a private email, I wouldn't have said 'I'm not talking to you because I disapprove of the F word'. That's what they did with me and the word 'crap'. Crap is not the C word. I racked my brains for ages trying to think what she meant by that, it was like she was gaslighting me cos I never said the C word to her.

I was the only one there for any kind of professional reason & not for a 'mothers' meeting'.

And also?

They don't make up the majority of NTs I've known.

Just a certain kind of judgemental bigot/gossip.

But I certainly would hate to think like them.

Their problems are far bigger problems than my being autistic is a 'problem'.

This place upsets me.

But I have to remember that other people's autism isn't my autism. Maybe other people's autism has more negative traits and less positive.

Rather than people being worried about being 'weird'.

Cos honestly? Who cares if you're weird?

This... This tonsilitis like symptom.
Except it's not on my mouth or throat, more like above my throat, in my nose and closer to my ears or something in the inner middle of my head.


This happens several times a year. It's been always this way for most of my life.
It's the biggest reason why I only get sick sometimes. And it's rare for me to ever get sick.

I want a permanent solution to get rid of... Whatever the hell this is.

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Stupid git over the road playing with his car. No, it's not an 8-year-old playing with a toy car. It's a grown man playing with a real car, trying to see how many people he can annoy with his horn, and revving the engine hard until it bangs, and him and all his little friends cheer and find it so amusing. There are elderly people and young families around here, and all they've got to hear is these stupid idiots playing with a car. Why don't someone just go out there and give them a toy to play with that has little buttons that you press that make different noises? They can sit and play with that until they grow up a little and learn that cars are not toys, they are an adult responsibility that gets you from A to B.

It's not ok to pick on chavs but apparently it's ok to pick on someone for not being a chav?

I really can't help how I speak.

I wish that noise would just go away now even my NT mother basically had a meltdown at it yesterday. Selfish idiots affecting the whole street rather than just getting the trees towed away before chipping them.

Why is my anxiety so bad tonight?

I don't even mix with those people anymore.

And their opinions didn't actually mean anything true.

But that's not how I'm feeling.

They feel like that because they've been told to. Same PPR stuff (not on here doesn't mean it's not politics & religion).

There is nothing bad about me just cos I woke up at 10am instead of 8am. But that's what my mind keeps telling me. Keeps putting morals in the wrong places & they're not even my own morals.

My life is so weird.

I have my ex who literally stalks me and revs his mustang up outside my apartment window, despite calling the police on him 4 times and having him arrested and shoved into the back of a police van he's still f*****g stalking me. I walked past him before and he was talking to 2 guys in my car park, luckily I made it inside before he could come over because I went to the body shop for moisturiser and Matalan for some new leggings about an hour ago or something.

I immediately rang my husband after I saw him (he's not even allowed in my car park the police said he's not allowed within a mile of me ) and said he was there again and he said "babe don't worry he's nothing I have over 40 guys who will jump at the chance to beat the s**t out of that bastard after one phone call just give the word" that did reassure me a bit but the fact is he's mental and unpredictable. I am genuinely scared whenever I see him because he's on steds.

I'm moving into my husbands cottages after I decide which one I want to live in but that is stress in itself having to get all my stuff and move again, I have moved 34 times in my life. Then we have to play it quiet and I have to lay low because of this crazy Motherf***er so he doesn't find out I live there but it doesn't help when he comes to our garage to beg my husband to fix stuff. He genuinely begs him to fix stuff it's weird as f**k. My husband is a really respected guy as he's a very talented mechanic that fixes some pretty expensive cars - my ex like sucks up to him and all kinds of stuff, it's weird as f**k. My husband can't get rid of him himself because he's involved in some of our business and knows our family too much but the moment he does something to me he's done for.

We're working on getting rid of him, he's like one of the most well known hated guys in the town cause everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie.

Such a weird situation to be in.

Nope.
Nothin' today,
Sorry.

Kind of depleted and confused. Taking a break, take care meanwhile.

I have problems reading people who self-diagnose Autism Spectrum Disorders on the Internet.
I find that most of the time, what they equate to their so-called autism has nothing to do with autism. As a result, in my country, the medical profession no longer takes people with high functioning autism seriously, even though they have a medical diagnosis and administrative recognition of their disability.
And what makes me the most angry is that the medical profession doesn't care about the medical condition of people who self-diagnose themselves.

Self-diagnosis should not exist, it is not only harmful to scientific research but it is especially harmful to individuals who find themselves alone and without assistance.
This system is broken.

Chavs wouldn't need a nanny state if they didn't need nannying.

Make some difficult but necessary sacrifices all by yourself like a grown up.

Feels like my family and family friends are constantly looking after people who are making stupid choices with their lives.

Like a teenager: "Mum, I want to go out drinking with my pals!" "No, darling there's a pandemic" "But I wanna..." "I said no"

I've not been inside a building which wasn't my home or my granddad's house (he sees nobody else either) since March. I'm fine. My NT mum, the same for. She's fine too so it's not just an autism thing. It's a maturity thing.

Heck, we haven't had a drink since December which makes me feel like some of these 'I go out drinking every Friday night' chavs are absolute alcies. Imagine being my age and doing that, just like a uni student. I've not had a pint since last May. We get by cos we're grown ups with proper hobbies who can enjoy a cup of tea.

I don't know any intelligent people coming out with the 'it's a hoax' conspiracy theory. They're either not coming up with conspiracy theories or (like my parents) coming up with the 'they're massaging the figures' one which is the other extreme.