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Mavis
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22 May 2015, 2:30 am

I've been depressed and lonely.

Lately, I've found something that feels good; I imagine scenarios in my head with someone I like. I'm feeling depressed, so I like to imagine I'm feeling bad in my fantasy and the other person makes me feel better somehow. (This is the simplest way to explain it.)
BUT, then I imagine screwing it up somehow, or there being a misunderstanding. To relieve this pain, I imagine correcting the misunderstanding OR adding something else to the mix that gives me hope or relieves anxiety.
It's a cycle of anxiety, relief, anxiety, relief... and so on.

Then recently I did this in real life, just as it has played in my head. ><

I was feeling very bad and anxious and ended up accusing a crush of something. (I later found this intense anxiety was due to a hormone being too low. My doctor raised the dose and I instantly felt better, but not "great".)
He got angry at my accusation but later forgave me.

I thought I was only imagining things going wrong in my day-dreams because it felt so good to get a relief from depression and anxiety.
But perhaps there is some kind of social confusion and anxiety that I feel subconsciously. Maybe I don't know how to react and respond appropriately, so I imagine doing just that.

Or, maybe needing relief from anxiety is what leads me into over-analyzing.
I don't know why I can't just ask someone something straightforwardly... Fear?
Instead I accuse or read too far into things, make puzzles out of things.

I don't really expect answers out of you guys. But anyone else have these issues?
Hopefully I didn't make this post too long, but I cannot imagine how to make one any shorter.



Transyl
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22 May 2015, 3:04 am

My theory of mind when it comes to other people is generally in overdrive. Like I need to constantly evaluate everyone to see if we're still friends and if I actually understand who they are. I think I'm pretty good at getting other people but I don't do well with ambiguity. If they seem at all cold then I'd probably see them as hating me just in case they really do.

But yeah, the fantasy situation thing, I used to do it way more often. I kind of miss it to be honest. I guess you'd call it mental self-therapy. It can feel amazing. For me it's probably better thinking about an actress though than someone I actually interact with. Because if I did interact with them in real life I might end up telling them my fantasy. Which would generally involve hugs or a nice conversation. It sounds fine but people don't seem to know how to respond. =[



syzygyish
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23 May 2015, 8:06 am

Mavis wrote:
I've been depressed and lonely.


Mavis, the only thing I can say to you is that either/or of these emotional states is a crushing burden that all of us has experienced and None of us wants to carry! :(

And yet we experience them and we carry on

WRong Planet may not be the place where we solve your problems
but sure as s**t we'll put our thinking caps on!


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Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb

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people say eyes are the windows into the soul
but aren't hearts, minds and souls
the window into which you should look?


Mavis
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24 May 2015, 12:28 am

Transyl, that's kind of how I am too. I need frequent reassurance. I'm trying to get better at it though.
But yeah, I don't think fantasies like that are good to tell people, generally. I know that the person in my mind isn't the person in reality, and I don't really fantasize about people I think I have a chance to actually interact with.

syzygyish wrote:
WRong Planet may not be the place where we solve your problems
but sure as s**t we'll put our thinking caps on! =[


Haha, thanks. I hope so. I'm not even autistic. O.o *shrugs* But I figure, what better place to post random social/emotional/random problems than WP?



syzygyish
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24 May 2015, 7:28 am

Mavis wrote:
Transyl, that's kind of how I am too. I need frequent reassurance. I'm trying to get better at it though.
But yeah, I don't think fantasies like that are good to tell people, generally. I know that the person in my mind isn't the person in reality, and I don't really fantasize about people I think I have a chance to actually interact with.

syzygyish wrote:
WRong Planet may not be the place where we solve your problems
but sure as s**t we'll put our thinking caps on! =[


Haha, thanks. I hope so. I'm not even autistic. O.o *shrugs* But I figure, what better place to post random social/emotional/random problems than WP?

Hey Mavis, I really thought some of us could put our thinking caps on and solve some of your dilemmnas!
I 've always been proved wrong but that's NEVER going to stop me from caring!

Hugs! :heart:

If all the rain in the universe rains down on you
think of us as a really shitty umbrella
a shitty umbrella that lets the hailstones through
but a shitty umbrella that won't let go
unless you do


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Be kinder than necessary for everyone is fighting some kind of battle
-Jaleb

some

people say eyes are the windows into the soul
but aren't hearts, minds and souls
the window into which you should look?


Aristophanes
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24 May 2015, 8:33 am

Mavis wrote:
Transyl, that's kind of how I am too. I need frequent reassurance. I'm trying to get better at it though.
But yeah, I don't think fantasies like that are good to tell people, generally. I know that the person in my mind isn't the person in reality, and I don't really fantasize about people I think I have a chance to actually interact with.

syzygyish wrote:
WRong Planet may not be the place where we solve your problems
but sure as s**t we'll put our thinking caps on! =[


Haha, thanks. I hope so. I'm not even autistic. O.o *shrugs* But I figure, what better place to post random social/emotional/random problems than WP?


It's not required you be autistic to post here, this forum seems to appeal to a whole host of people with disorders that have been marginalized by society, add in all the normal parents with autistic children and probably only a little over half the forum members are actually autistic.

My opinion is that fantasies should be fun, not depressing. If you're going to fantasize then fantasize about your boy-crush doing something erotic, not pissing you off, lol.



Mavis
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24 May 2015, 6:51 pm

I guess my fantasies need a certain level of reality in order to be fun. :P

And I suppose I'm not talking about a problem as much as a 'symptom' of a problem...